A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi i'm happily married with 2 kids. One is 17 and the other is 18months both girls. Well recently shes been sleeping with us. i know this may not sound like a big issue but to say shes that young shes growing up fast and is one of these babies that like to be there and she seem to know whats going on around her. It all started last year when people started letting fireworks off she used to cry at night when they went off and with her being young then the easiest thing to do was take her to bed with me but she was ok if she was with me and went to sleep. After that she was fine until new years when they started again and the same thing happened except that was just for one night. Well about 2 and half weeks ago there was afew go off at night assuming it was just some kids messing around as they do and she started crying because it woke her up but with her being older and it only being a one off firework i made her stop there but she wouldn't so i had to sit in there until she went to sleep. Then about 2 nights after i was getting her ready for bed and another went off but this time she just wouldn't go in and ran into my bedroom(we have a gate at the top of the stairs so she can wander around if i'm up there) and when i got her back in her cot she just stood there not necessarly crying but wimpering with her hand in her mouth and i could tell she was scared. Thats when she started sleeping in there. I let her do this for about a week as i didn't see the harm it would do, but now i'm trying to get her back in there without her coming in with us and she just won't go and keeps shaking her head and has that scared look on her face. Now one thing i don't get is that sometimes she won't go in her cot at all at night as i have said but other times she will but as soon as she heres us come to bed she crys because she wants to come in, i've tryed to leave her but she doesn't seem to stop, but the thing that really got me is that the other night i wasn't feeling very well and realy didn't need the hastle from her so when she was palying up not wanting to get in i just took her and put her in our bed and read her a story and left her in the middle of the bed and guess what she went to sleep an didn't hear anything of her all night, she was fine. What can i do to get her back in her cot? What's wrong with her? Why is she doing this? I can understand her being scared of loud noises cause when i was little up to about the age of 9 if i had a bad dream or something i would go and get in with my mum and dad but i would always go back to my bed the next night. Please help me. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (9 August 2007):
 Ah, the tough love approach. My wife used that on my daughter one night while I was away on a business trip. It worked! I guess I was the problem :)
Seriously though, flowergirl has made a great point about showing the kids who's the boss. They are master manipulators, not because they are devious, but because they are equipped to survive.
You may have to get to a state of total sleep deprivation before you resort to the tough love approach. Or perhaps your hubby is willing to take the harder line on your behalf before you lose your mind?
In the end, someone is going to end up running the show. Do you want it to be you, or your little girl?
A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (9 August 2007):
 My little girl is three and she has just gone through a stage of doing this she gets up in the middle of the night and comes and gets into bed with me.
Gate back on bedroom door and leave her to cry, first couple of nights she got up and cried for about ten mins or so gave up and got back into bed and went back to sleep.
Children at that age are great when it comes to getting what they want and because you have taken her into you're bed and she liked that she is going to tey everything she can so she can keep on doing it, don't give in the longer this goes on the harder it will be to get her to sleep on her own again.
Take care.xx.
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A
male
reader, Wild Thaing +, writes (8 August 2007):
Your little girl is feeling unsafe in her own bed, and currently her only coping mechanism is to go to where she thinks it is safe - your bed!
Eyeswideopen has a good suggestion about using positive feedback, and that will work as a reinforcement tool. But you will need to provide your daughter with other coping mechanisms. Is there something she can hold onto when she does not feel safe? She is probably not old enough to throw the covers over her head (one of my daughter's favourite moves) so she will need something to hold.
A night light might help - kids tend to be afraid of total darkness.
Hopefully other aunts will provide their suggestions. Good luck and take care.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (8 August 2007):
 I'm afraid you are going to have to be firm with her on this. You may have to listen to her fussing but she will eventually give it up and go to sleep in her own bed. Make her favorite breakfast for her when she finally sleeps in her bed all night without fussing. Good luck and just think pottie-training is coming up soon, YEA!
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