A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend of twenty years threw me out the house in the night in the city hundreds of miles from my family. he wouldn't let me sleep and told me to pack my bags, leave the keys or he would torture me until I left. I was very frightened as he had hit me and kicked me a few days before and just being really nasty calling me names. So I left as he asked and it was a freezing night waiting hours at the station on my own he didn't even come with me just left me to do it I was in tears I felt scared and alone in a big city with nowhere to go and now hes telling me hes sorry and didn't think I would leave. he wants me back. I feel like how can I go back there after whats happened as he will probably throw me out again and at my age im in my forties I need to feel secure settled and relaxed.Its been twenty years and I am so lost at the moment what direction do I go. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2019): my bf is still phoning me saying I left of my own accord and he didn't throw me out I cant believe it. I don't understand why hes making out I left and saying he wants me back. this is the hardest and lowest point of my life. 20 years has come to this and I am just so unhappy
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 February 2019):
 Sorry, but- do you even have to ask ?
He hit you. He kicked you. He threatened you with torture.
And you are even wondering which direction you should go ?... The opposite direction to where this guys is, obviously !
If physical abuse and torture threats are not a deal breaker- I have to wonder what your dealbreakers are. This is strange, you seem more affected by having had to wait at the station alone , than by having been hit and kicked by the same man a few days before.
No , obviously you should not go back. Not only because he might decide to kick you out again ( that, too ). But he could do worse. He could decide to kill you, or to beat you to a pulp and leave you crippled or disabled for life. So much for feeling " secure and relaxed "...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2019): I'll try and keep this simple and say what I would say to my friend.
You know that you must leave and so you should.
It will really hard to leave him but it will be worth it in the end.
You need to focus on you and why you're doing this, there is no future for both of you.
You can start fresh and you will feel such relief.
Do literally everything you must do to get away and you might discover how actually you're much stronger than you thought.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (1 February 2019):
 Be free of him! Never go back, this man is dangerous. You are strong enough and old enough to get by on your own. Find a new place to live. Give it 3 months and you will know you made the right decision. Also, block his number.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (1 February 2019):
Be free of him! Never go back, this man is dangerous. You are strong enough and old enough to get by on your own. Find a new place to live. Give it 3 months and you will know you made the right decision. Also, block his number.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (1 February 2019):
 Leave of course.
I’d contact a family members to let them know what’s up and ask them to accompany you to collect your belongings from his house.
Block all contact and move on, this guy is a scumbag, only the lowest of the low can hit their partner. Be glad things are over.
May I ask how things didn’t develop past BF and GF after 20 years? Obviously it’s a good thing it didn’t so it’s a cleaner break, but that’s a crazily long amount of time to be together with someone and not be married.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2019): A man who can hit and kick a woman is likely to cripple or kill her. He left you alone in the cold; and didn't care what would happen to you.
Read the post you wrote. Concentrate on each word describing the treatment you received. This is your testimony of violence. Go back in your memory and recall the frightening moments you experienced when he was in a rage. You feared for your life! I know you did!
Tell me, my dear...how could you go back to that? He beats you!
Oh, nothing gets me going like stories like yours!!! I take posts from women, children, or elderly people being emotionally and/or physically abused very seriously. My greatest concern is with situations where the victim returns to their abuser; or the abuser has complete control and advantage. Where they are the sole source of income, the victim is physically-helpless; or they suffer daily from the frequent or unpredictable angry-rages and violence, but can't escape! It troubles me greatly!
What you don't mention is whether you have family or friends. If you have been with a man like that for 20 years; I'd fear you wouldn't get to see them much. He has driven them away, or pulled you away from them; and isolated you so they can't get to you. You'd probably take his side when anyone tried to intervene on your behalf. Thus, he left you waiting for a train. You're so far from help; because he knows you couldn't easily getaway, or they couldn't show-up unexpectedly.
You must not return under any circumstances. You'll only face more violence; and it might not end where you can walk-away. I don't have to know why he threw you out.
I don't care what you did! There is nothing you could do that justifies domestic-violence; and tossing you out in the cold. He could have simply asked you to leave.
If you're in a safe place...STAY PUT!!! They always say they'll never do it again. Well, you've been kicked and hit before. Now thrown-out. Screw 20 years! If he has that in him, you've been enduring this for almost that long.
DON'T YOU DARE GO BACK! The fact you would think to write a post to have someone stop you is quite concerning! It also comes to mind that you are financially-dependent on this man. That's how women are broken and worn-down to submissive pathetic creatures by men like that. They support you, so you are at their mercy. They provide you with comforts and pay all the bills; until you piss them off! Then they pound you to a pulp. Degrade you and psychologically torture you!
You mentioned your age. That also concerns me. You'll go back, because you might feel he is the only one you can turn to to take care of you. You speak as if you're totally helpless. That's because he has broken your spirit.
Needing a bad man to take care of you is living hell on earth. Living with a violent man is risking your life.
You're an adult. If you have to struggle to take care of yourself; it's time you grew-up and learned how to. Rather than let some horrid beast beat the living-crap out of you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2019): Why he kicked you out is irrelevant . Unless you were an immediate threat to him and holding a weapon at his throat I see no valid reason to do that in the middle of a freezing cold night
He’s abusive and your right , a woman in her 40s does not need to be
Worrying about meeting basic needs like keeping warm and secure of a cold night , nor does any woman for that matter
You need to torn to family for help and stay well away from him
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2019): There wasn't a reason he gave me he was just mad because he was broke after we went away on holiday and he just went crazy he also has a drug problem that causes aggressive behaviour when he has no money for them
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (1 February 2019):
 Leave him and NEVER look back. NO ONE should have such much power over you or your life. THAT isn't love or caring.
He has also been violent with you... WHY would you ever consider going back to him? The man is abusive!
I have to ask... why did he kick you out?
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