A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:The problem I have is that my boyfriend constantly - and I mean it - talks about other women as being "hot" and that he'd "do" them. It makes me uncomfortable, as he knows I don't have the greatest self-image of myself. It makes me wonder what he sees in me, because I look nothing like the supermodel and actresses he goes on about.Recently he told me a girl he occassionaly sees at work had asked him out. He didn't tell her he had a girlfriend, he just added her as a Facebook friend so she could see for herself that he was taken. Now they leave comments for each other on Facebook. This girl knows he has a girlfriend, but still sent him a flirtatious comment. What's worse is my boyfriend responded back in what I consider to be just as flirtatious manner.I know he loves me, and I love him. We have a great relationship otherwise. He calls me his future wife and we've discussed marriage a few times. But it bothers me when we watch TV and he just has to say something about all the hot girls he sees. I told him it makes me uncomfortable and he just says he's a guy, that he notices beautiful women. That's fine and all, but when he talks like that it makes me seem like a "buddy" and not his girlfriend. He doesn't have many male friends anyway.I don't want my insecurities to ruin our relationship. He's a great guy, family-oriented, and I can see myself with him for the rest of our lives. I've told him that this bothers me, yet he won't stop. I think he sees it as a problem I need to "get over" instead of him just not doing something he knows upsets me.I am in counseling to work on my self-esteem issues. So I am doing my part. I just wish my boyfriend would do something on his part too instead of it just being my issue.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2009): sweetie believe me, although you may have low self esteem he is the one being an idiot. You need to set firm boundaries with him, and if he cant live up to them, then honey move onto a guy who can.
Ask him straight out,
1)what he finds attractive about you
2) if he is satisfied within the relationship
3) Why he feels the need to assess and evaluate other womens bodies?
When he answers these questions you will have a better idea of whether he s committed to you and willing to stop his adolescent behaviour.
He cant have both, he cant have a commited relation ship with a beautiful woman and be comparing and thinking about sleeping with other women...Your too good for that and worth so much more....its time you started believing it.
If he wants a woman like you , he's gonna have to work hard to keep you feeling special to him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2009): George Clooney is hot! (No, that doesn't mean I'm gay or bisexual, it just means I can appreciate men are beautiful too and have an appreciation as such! And yes, he is a great actor anyway, but that's not really for here...)
Don't talk about hot men in front of him the same way he talks about hot women in front of you, two wrongs don't make a right, so just ignore it and he might get the message.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2009): Maybe he's doing this just to wind you up a bit. Perhaps he sees it as him being an amusing raconteur.
Sure, in my fantasy world I'd like to 'do' Katherine Jenkins (especially), Holly Willoughby, Eva Longoria, Penelope Cruz, Nicole Kidman, Angelina Jolie and all the rest of them - but would they give me a second look? I doubt it!
Play him at his own game and tell him you'd love to be bonked senseless by George Clooney or some other 'hot' celebrity. Make a list of potential bonking material until it gets to the point that he gets really pissed off with your fantasies and hearing about them. Make him feel as small as he makes you feel. Every time one of them appears on TV make some juicy comment. That should get the point across!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2009): hi dear,
u seem to a really sweet girl.but love is game & u must know how to play it right.my personal xperience , my guy is quite a lot like your b/f.there are 2 things u can do
1)be his friend dont show him that his commets bother u atall.infact tell him that "she is hot but i am beautiful may be thats y u love me so much"ur confidence is ur true beauty.
2)be like him which means u to comment on hot guys.& let him feel wat u go thru wen he comments on other girls.
try i hope it works 4 u
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2009): Its insensitive of him to do that, especially when you bring it up as a concern and he dismisses it. Granted, I have had GF's in the past that wanted that level of candidness, and for me to not.... contain myself all the time, but its all about what your CURRENT gf wants, he should know that...What you should do is turn it around on him... Start mentioning dudes you are very attracted to, and whatnot. Also flirt just like he does. Turnabout is fairplay. Sometimes us guys don't get the point until the point scratches us a bit.
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx  +, writes (16 April 2009):
 Tell him there is an issue. Tell him what he does and how it makes you feel, then tell him what you can both do to resolve the issue! Not every boy acts like this, don't let him use that as an excuse! If my boyfriend didn't stop speaking like that he would be gone!! He needs to have control over what he says! The facebook chat needs to stop, he must block her as a contact! My boyfriend and I used to argue about facebook all of the time, now he has no facebook! If problems aren't nipped in the bud they get worse! X
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