A
female
age
36-40,
*shryanxx
writes:My boyfriends ex is a night mare. they have 3 wonderful kids together. i love them but she tries to poison them against me and their dad. yesterday she text my boyfriend telling him that i told his daughter not to listen to her when she tells them things. this is lies and it really upset me she keeps referring to me as a child just because im younger than my boyfriend. She cheated on my boyfriend twice and he said she is the biggest liar he knows. she questions the kids everytime they come home. They are afraid of her as she has a temper and is never happy.me and my boyfriend never say anything to the kids about her cos we dont care what she does but i hate her lying about me. she gets the kids to lie for her and they believe her and u cant blame them because she is their mum. she is always picking on my boyfriend and always has to mention me. we take no notice and never answer and i think this makes her madder. the kids have got to a stage where they tell her what she wants to hear. this text scared me yesterday as i dont want the kids turned against me. my bf never mentions her bf. when she tells the kids what to do on my bf weekends he tells the kids that he is able to mind them without being told what to do. one of the kids said to me mammy said u have to make sure you shower us for school, i just said back that ya we know how to look after you, and i had a bath running, the kids see how she is trying to do these things and they dont seem to be happy with her as she never spends time with them and they seem to always be with a babysitter on her time. my bf and i never get a babysitter and always play with the kids and give them good time. i just need asdvice as what to do about her constantly aiming things at me. my bf says she is just jealous of how happy we are and the kids like me. she keeps saying on text to my bf 'tell her that im always going to be the kids mother and not to forget that' i never want to take that from her so i cant understand why she says them things, the kids always say to me they wish i was their mam but i always tell them how important she is to them. please can someone give me advice im sick of her lies as im not a liar and im not childish. she seems to blame us for the trhings she is actually doing.
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female
reader, ashryanxx +, writes (14 January 2009):
ashryanxx is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi i really appreciate your answer but the scary thing is she is the one who left my bf for one of his friends, and they are stil together thats why we cant understand her...although she dosnt seem happy, the kids have witnessed so many fights between them usually drunken.we wouldnt care about her gettin a babysitter the odd few nights but every night of the week isnt really fair on the kids. my boyfriend always pays his maintenance and takes the kids so much more than he is supposed to because we are so mad about them and they love coming over to us and yet she will still send texts sayin we only take them when it suits my bf which is ridiculous as we always take them the set times and alot extra.any more comments would be very much appreciated x
A
female
reader, Befuddled1  +, writes (13 January 2009):
 It is always traumatic for children when their parents separate. All that can be done is that the parents remain civil, communicate about the children and never ever slag the other parent off in front of the children. If the seperated parents can be friends...or appear to be friends it really does make all the difference to the kids...who are usually more effected than they show.
The kids are totally conflicted here, its such a shame that their mother is putting them through this pain after the hurt they must already be feeling. The kids will love her no matter what...and usually take her side, even if they are telling you what they want you to hear. It is an awful position for them to be in! their is nothing worse for kids than to see their mum or dad in distress because these are the people they love more than anything.
They can see that she is hurting too. She obviously is not ready to move on yet and is using the kids as ammunition against you.
You need to totally rise above it and humour the kids. you have the right idea by not saying what you really think in front of them. Maybe you could explain to them that their mum is obviously still hurting from the split and that it wont last forever.
She probably gets a babysitter a lot because she does not have a partner and wants to go out with her mates...you cant blame her for wanting a life after a split can you? trust me its better that she meets a new fella sooner rather than later and then she might stop focusing on you all playing happy families and have her own fun again.
She wont be like this forever...really! just hang on in there.
keep being the friend you are to these children and tell them its ok to feel torn between mum and dad in the circumstances.And let her say what she wants ...you know its not true..just born of jealousy.
Good luck
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