A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ive been dating my bf for 8 mths now, we have a great connection.We are in our mid to late 20s with previous relationship experiences prior to us dating. We have reached level of intimacy, though I'm hitting a stale mate at a point in which makes me really sad. He doesn't satisfy me in bed. He has never been on top and so its me always giving both orally and physically. I'm getting tired of it, I mean if he cares for me soo much he would be on top proving to make me feel good too. In this case, on a sexual level I feel used and worthless I must say. My problem is that I cannot communicate something like this because I think he should know better himself. If we cannot be compatible on a sexual level, it gives me little hope that anything gets better than this since he's only receiving the best of sex. Sex is not everything, but for me it matters that there is that sense of giving and taking 50-50. I feel like letting the relationship go. What do I do? Being in my mid 20s I get desires to be sexually satisfied also. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, sugar_sugar  +, writes (2 August 2009):
 After 8 months of you climbing on top and not saying anything - how is he to know it's not working for you?
Why should he know better? Every one likes different things, there is no ultimate guide to pleasuring someone, and if there was the very first line, in bold capital letters would be COMMUNICATION!
I think you would be very silly to throw away a relationship that is good in every other way all because of an issue that could probably be very easily solved with communication.
No relationship will work if you can't talk through your issues.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2009): He can't read you mind. Maybe he thinks you want to take charge and he lets you because he is in charge everywhere else. I'm surprised that since you feel this way you feel you cannot tell him when your in it that you want him to get on top. I think you have confidence issues and you need to fix them even if you plan to move on because your body language is not being interpreted correctly by your lover.I think you are feeling very small in this relationship and that is why you do not speak up. Why do you feel this way with your lover? You have the same rights and wants that he does so why don't you act that way too? Maybe he will like a bossy lady.
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A
female
reader, Legioness  +, writes (2 August 2009):
 The only way you're going to get any change here is if you talk to him about the situation. Set a nice mood before hand so not to accidentally offend, ya know, ease it out a little bit, and get talking about it, but not in a way like 'you should do this and that' in perhaps more of a suggestion way, suggest spicing things up, trying some new positions, new atmospheres, experimenting a little, and see what happens :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2009): The key to a great relationship is communication. You both should be able to discuss any issues. If you refuse to talk to him about this problem, he will never get it on his own. Your choices are to talk about it or break it off.
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (2 August 2009):
 Communicate your desires to him. If he is not willing to compromise, let him go. It *sounds* wrong, but it would probably be best for you both if he is not willing to compromise.
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