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My b/f cheated and now I'm torn between him and another guy

Tagged as: Cheating, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 August 2011) 2 Answers - (Newest, 24 August 2011)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

help!

ive been going out with my boyfriend for 13 months, and about 3 month ago he slept with another girl when we were on a break, which i think is just as bad as cheating as we were on the break to make things better, not for him to sleep around. I took him back because i wanted it to work and ive slowly been building back the trust with him, but everysince then we have been going through stages where i don't know what i want anymore, and we have broke up twice and got back together. we've recently been having a lot of parties, and one of his friends and i have been having a bit of banter saying how we fancy each other, and im cheating on my boyfriend - just a joke. but i think its turned into something more, we've been extremly flirty lately, and we got extremely close while dancing and we nearly kissed, only he stopped himself, and hes been giving me mixed signals as to it being a joke or if he does actually mean what he says.. he has a bit of a rep for cheating on previous girlfriends etc, and my friends say that they think he would try something with me if other people weren't there. what do i do? i love my boyfriend but i am starting to have feelings for his friend now, and its been everysince he slept with another girl, im constantly wanting somebody else.

help?!?!?!

View related questions: a break, broke up, flirt, got back together

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks for replying, you make a lot of great points but I'm still happy with my boyfriend, I love him and I don't understand what's got into me. I'd be lost without him there but there's always a part of me that wants more, although I don't want to loose my boyfriend. Its horrible.

And this all started from a joke, and now its turned into more. I agree completely, I don't think he cares whether he's hurting people or not by doing this, but as far as anyone else is concerned its a joke, only him and I know there's tension.

As far as the social circle goes, its hard because were all friends. I'm scared that if I hadto break up with my boyfriend, I would have no friends left, I've tried being friends with just him and it just causes tension in the group or leads to me going back with him.

Its like if I don't have him, I have nothing because the majority of my girl friends are going out with guys in the same social circle.

Its hopeless.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2011):

I think your relationship with your boyfriend has run it's course. You've been on again, off again and now he's slept with someone else. It's probably time to put an end to it once and for all.

I strongly recommend you stay away from the flirty friend.

He's crossing the line with you. Clearly he has little regard for friendship or boundaries - your's or your boyfriend's. Not to mention his reputation for playing around. Why leave one man for sleeping around only to wind up with another known for doing the same?

On top of that there is something a bit tasteless about dating men within the same social circle. First one guy, then his friend. Before long you'll also have a questionable reputation.

Give yourself some much needed time alone before getting involved with any more men.

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