A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating my boyfriend for a few months and we're blissfully happy together; we're in love. There's just one problem. My wonderful guy cannot orgasm when we have sex. It's something he has never done even with previous girlfriends, so I am at least assured that the problem is not me. We still have a wonderful time in bed (I know I really do!!!), but he sometimes gets frustrated and depressed that he can't quite reach orgasm. I have no idea what to do, what can I do to help him? I don't make a big deal of it at all right now, I know that his problem is mostly psychological so I just tell him I love him always. I don't know if this is enoughAnyone else experience this?
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male
reader, macdubh712  +, writes (14 April 2011):
I had the same problem for a while. While he might actually have a medical condition and it probably should at least ruled out by a doctor, I think perhaps it might be that he is too used to himself. I had this problem for a little while. Honestly, when I gave up caring about this, it finally happened during intercourse. Once it happened one time it was on like Donkey Kong. I think he is probably too concerned with it so tell him to try to forget about it; provided he doesn't actually have a medical condition, he'll be exploding before you know it.
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (14 April 2011):
 mmm... there is a condition, (Pironism, pyronism... sorry just can't remember how to spell the name) that causes delayed ejection in men. It is therefore important that he sees a doctor who can properly diagnosis this. You are not a doctor and neither am I, therefore he needs to see a specialist.
Once the doctor has seen him and ruled out physical issues, then the physiological issues need to be tackled. Problem is, like most mental blocks, the causes and treatment are varied. It could be anything from a bad sex experience in childhood, to a controlling personality, to homosexuality.
Can he ejaculate when he masturbates alone, and how long does he take?
There is really not enough space here on Dear Cupid to deal with the problem. I have however included a wiki link to get you started off with some issues that might be the cause of this.
I personally think he needs to see a doctor for a medical exam to ensure that there is no underlying physical problems. If he drinks, smokes or takes drugs, tell him to stop. I also think he needs to see a sex counselor. They are the professionals and know more about this than you and me.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Delayed_ejaculation
Because you are in the UK, the sex specialist is free and you can be referred by the doctor at your local family planning clinic. They can also examine his penis.
*NHS... http://www.nhs.uk/Pages/HomePage.aspx
Type in your postcode to find the location of your nearest family planning clinic.
If your guy is the same age as you, the doctors will think his case very serious. In his 20's/30's, men shouldn't have such ejaculation problems, as this is when their fertility should be at it's prime.
You love him and want to help. Good. Book the appointment and go with him and hold his hand. This is a problem for both of you, and I believe it's a very serious problem which can only be dealt with by the professionals.
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A
male
reader, RamAndJam +, writes (14 April 2011):
He needs to quit masturbating for a week or two. alot of time guys get used to how they perform the "act" on themselves and cannot ejaculate when a woman tries to satisfy. We know how we like it but we cant explain that and it takes awhile for a woman to figure it out. if he quits for this period of time, his penis will become desensitized and you'll get him off. good luck
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