A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:6 months ago , I got married to US citizen in Pakistan. We met through dating site and after four months she came to Pakistan to marry me. After honeymoon,once she got back to US, she filled Spouse Visa Petition for me. One month ago, we had a little argument and she wanted divorce saying that I married her for Green Card. Now, neither she taking the visa partition forward nor taking it back and nor hearing anything about divorce thing. She has changed her cell number , deactivated her old facebook and made new one with nickname. The only thing I have that her office number. We 16 years age difference but she looks amazingly young and hot for her age. I'm so pissed off at her that spouse visa was on final stage and she is putting it on wait by not paying $316 to National Visa Center. I married her out of true love and even offered her to live in Pakistan which she refused saying it's not safe here.She is such a unreasonable woman that when people marry for a Green Card they don't pick up fight with wife or husband even if they sleep with other people there as they have no real husband-wife emotional bounding thinking that they should remain smart and nice unless they get there. They move on their own way alone once ger Green Card. Now I would like to know that what If I withdraw Spouse Visa petition to prove that I didn't marry her for Green Card? Will it help clear her mind?
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (19 March 2013):
 Not much of what she's been doing sounds rational. I'd assume she's gone off the rails and work to end the marriage yourself. If she's not cooperating, seek some qualified legal assistance to dissolve the marriage so you are free to marry again if you so choose.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 March 2013):
 OP why does SHE have to terminate the marriage? why can't you?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2013): @Tisha-1 : Nobody slept with anybody, I was just giving you an example of Green Card intended marriage situation.
@ So Very Confused: Yup, Thank for the link! And that's what I have been trying to tell her that she can't sit there and do nothing, either she has to terminate the marriage or live with me.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (19 March 2013):
I'm still curious as to which one of you slept with someone else. "She is such a unreasonable woman that when people marry for a Green Card they don't pick up fight with wife or husband even if they sleep with other people there as they have no real husband-wife emotional bounding thinking that they should remain smart and nice unless they get there."
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 March 2013):
I googled it
http://travel.state.gov/law/family_issues/marriage/marriage_589.html
In general, marriages which are legally performed and valid abroad are also legally valid in the United States. Inquiries regarding the validity of a marriage abroad should be directed to the attorney general of the state in the United States where the parties to the marriage live.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 March 2013):
 I don't doubt that a civil marriage performed in Pakistan with an USA citizen and regularly registered in USA will have civil ( legal ) effects in USA. What I doubt is that that the religious effects of your religious marriage in Pakistan have a binding effect in USA.
In other words, if your marriage contract says she cannot divorce without your consent , she would be obliged to stay married IN PAKISTAN. The same does not apply for USA where she is living now.
If you think about it, also the Catholic Church does not recognize divorce, if you marry in the Catholic Church then you can divorce all you want, you'll ALWAYS still be married in the eyes of the Church and of God. Yet, there are TONS of divorced Catholics , because the State does not care at all about moral or religious obligations, and allows the spouse who wants out to dissolve the civil effects of the marriage, also if the other spouse does not agree. In USA what counts is what the civil law says, - all the rest is between you and your conscience.
I guess you 'll have to accept that things won't go the way you want , unless you convince her to come back to Pakistan, which is highly improbable.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (19 March 2013):
Yes, she does sound unstable, perhaps there is an undiagnosed mental disorder such as Bipolar Personality Disorder or other similar condition.
If you know her sisters, perhaps you can reach out to them and ask them to intercede on your behalf.
As far as the legality of the documents she signed, well, they are in Pakistan and she is in the USA; not sure she can be held to them.
I think it's time to accept that the situation will not resolve in the way you'd hoped. Why would you want to be harnessed by marriage to an unstable woman with a history of divorce?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2013): I'm the same guy who asked the question. Yes. We also married in civil courts here. Also US Embassy says that they accept all Pakistan civil marriages and we get final marriage certificate from Arbitration Council. Due to British ruled us for 200 years, our official language is English. Another proof of Pakistan civil marriages are accepted that our visa was sent to National Visa Center from Homeland Security and Immigration which says they have accepted our application and it's a another proof that Pakistani marriages are accepted in US. US law says she/he has to terminate the marriage before remarrying there again. So Either she has to come here or me going there to terminate the marriage. Double marriage is crime in US.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (19 March 2013):
She sounds like an impulsive woman at best, and a mentally unstable one at worst, who marries a stranger after 4 months of meeting him... on Internet ?!
I guess she made her decision to marry you during some sort of manic bipolar episode or something similar, then at the next mood swing she realized she made a mistake and wanted out ( regardless if she really thinks you only want a Green Card , or not ).
I don't think there's much you can do, marriage is based upon consent and, in the countries where there's the institution of divorce, you can't FORCE people to stay married if they don't want. The religious contract you have signed would be valid only in Pakistan and only for Muslims- in USA there is separation of Church and Law.
Btw, are you sure that you result legally married in USA ? For that, she should have either married you at the USA Embassy in Pakistan, or have taken care to have the civil ( not religious ) act of marriage authenticated , transcribed and registered in USA. I know that it is a procedure which takes a while, so I wonder how came the she could file for Spouse Visa Petition so fast. Not impossible, sure, but quite unusual.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2013): I'm the same person who posted this questions. No she was not a scam . I have her home address, had her cell number and passport copy and everything as she had told me about her every family member and so I. She had terrible mood swings. Yes, I was and financially not stable and told her everything about my financially instability . It was her who was running after me like crazy not me. Even I had told her the we need to slow down but she was going like crazy. She had been divorced twice, one of her husband was from Holland and another one was from US.She was such a crazy woman that she even signed a "Nikahnama" here a religious marriage agreement which says she has no right to divorce unless I give to her. I might have made mistakes but she needs to ask herself that her other sisters have been married for 15 and 25 years but why she is on verge of third divorce? Even she would also tell her sisters and friends to take divorce from husband whenever they would have fight with their spouse.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (18 March 2013):
It seems like she doesn't care if it was for the green card or not. That sounds like she was coming up with an excuse (even if she believed it) to justify not seeing you.
Look, the bottom line is that you two made a mistake. I'm sure you can admit that much. She obviously doesn't want to have anything to do with you since she did everything she could to hide from you.
It's one thing to accuse someone of only marrying for a green card, it's another thing all together to sever all contact with that person.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 March 2013):
"A little argument" which culminates in requesting a divorce? Must have been a hell of a little argument. Which one of you slept with another person?
You don't know her, talked on line for 4 months and then she came to marry you in Pakistan and a honeymoon?
Are you quite sure you know who you married, if all you have is her office number?
This is a case of "marry in haste, repent at leisure."
I think it's time to accept the marriage was a sham and isn't going to work out. Is it possible to get it annulled? Your angle could be that she wasn't who she said she was.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (18 March 2013):
 You don't need to prove anything because I bet your wife would not want any more contact from you. You should ask the Visa Centre to see if the marriage would be annulled by itself with an incomplete application. I think your wife changed her mind and made up some lame excuse. She is not a woman you should fight for. Either she is very prejudiced, paranoid, or she is already married. A little argument does not lead to a break up like that.
You don't know much about her because most contact is online. The person you love might not be who she really is. Do you want to live in the USA, is that why you were looking for American women?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 March 2013):
You have already posted about suing her right?
isn't this you: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/should-i-sue-my-us-wife-for-defamation.html
now you want to figure out how to keep her?
so which is it you want to sue her and punish her or you want to stay married to her?
sounds to me like she married in haste and is finding you unstable for whatever reasons....
what else are you not telling us?
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