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female
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anonymous
writes: Im 24 years old and had a relationship with a married man'age 52. We broke up a week ago. I am involved in a relationship but my boyfriend didn't know about the affair neither did his partner. He ended the relationship because he didnt want to tell me where he's working and i found out for myself. He said i didn't respect his simple wish to let it go as he asked me to and he will never forgive me for what i've done. Since the break up i've called him, sent messages, left voicemails, begging and crying for him to forgive me but he ignored me. It's been 5 days since i had any contact with him and he hasn't made contact with me again. I have a wonderful and loving boyfriend but he's not the same as the other guy. I really loved him and don't understand how he can forget about me so easily after he told me everyday how much he loves me. What am i to do?
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affair, broke up, heartbroken, married man Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2007): are u still with the other guy or u just starting over again .good luck and it was great for the update
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi there thank you for those of you who responded to my e-mail. I decided to end the affair with this guy. I came to realise that i will always be second best in his life. His family and wife will always come first.Even though he still claims he loves me but i believe i deserve better that second best.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2007): any updates would be interesting to know what happened
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2006): how can u love someone over twice your age when he is in his 70s and u are barely 40 will u want to look after him or just stray away be honest with your self and admit its over and try and socialize with someone of a decent age
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female
reader, neci +, writes (24 August 2006):
I DONT STAND IN JUDGEMENT OF YOU BUT THIS WOULD NEVER WORK. PUT YOURSELF IN HIS WIFES PLACE, LIES, CHEATING, YOU WOULDNT WANT ANYONE DOING THIS TO YOU. AT 24 THERE ARE MEN OUT THERE WHO WILL RESPECT AND LOVE YOU...LEAVE THIS GUY ALONE...IF HES UNFAITHFUL TO HIS WIFE WHAT ABOUT YOU IF YOU HAD HIM ALL TO YOURSELF....SORRY!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust want to say thank you for your advice. I really appreciate it
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2006): You need some individual conseling to address why you would want to do this to yourself.
Why would you want to create this emotional mess? Why do you feel the need to spread yourself out so thin?
Why can you not commit to one relationship and focus yourself into that?
Why would you want to hurt yourself like this?
You must have known that you would be rejected. Were you rejected as a child by someone you loved dearly? Were they emotionally absent?
Did Mom or Dad have extra marital affairs? Did you see this? Are you replaying your childhood out as an adult?
Love yourself. Heal yourself. Find your inner strength. You can do all of this with an individual counselor.
*hugs*
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2006): Hun, there are important reasons why a married man enters into 'affairs' and it isn't to find the love of his life. I don't think we need to go onto the other reasons...as you painfully know why. The real truth of the matter is, he didn't love you. He loved his wife and family. They always came first. This is why he grasped at this lame excuse (you knowing where he worked) to break it off. You got too close to his "other' life..he felt threatened. So what does that tell you? You were his 'bit on the side, dear--nothing more. I know this is harsh but in life, one must assume there are risks to certain types of behaviours. This one of them. You have a broken heart and need to accept,it's over. By attempting to contact this married man, you are acting desperate, needy and you are displaying irrational insecurity. Stop allowing all this, to dictate your behaviours. We already know this married guy is a slimeball for what he did to his wife. So start really, really analyzing your situation with rational thought and take responsibility for how you also contributed to this affair-how you stepped into another woman's territory and almost devastated her marriage-her family and how you have been lying to your bf. So what do you, do about this married guy? You do nothing, hun. You face this loss and realize he wasn't your to begin with. It's now time for you to let this all go. Stop pining for this married guy and stop all these self-serving emotional reactions to not having what you want. This is life...the best thing you can do now, is to begin the healing process and carry on with the struggle to start behaving in a dignified, prideful, mature manner. Stop looking for ways to appease just your emotions...start challenging yourself to learn from all this and then grow. Stop obssessing about this married guy and start rebuilding a good life with the man who likely does care and cherish you the most...your boyfriend. It will be hard but this, my dear--takes courage and insightfulness, on your part.
Good luck..
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