A
female
age
26-29,
*rokenRaindrop
writes:I was dating this guy a month back, we broke up because my so called 'best friend' was a lying cow and took advantage of his paranoia to break us up then tried to get in there herself. But that's another story.The important thing here is that my ex is still incredibly controlling.He forbids me from seeing other guys (even if they're friends and nothing more) doesn't let me hang around with them, go to their houses and hates me texting them.We're still talking obviously, and today tattoos came into conversation. I told him that I'd like to eventually have the majority of my body covered in tattoos, to which his response was:"And you think I'll allow that?"....So yeah....Basically my question is - what do I do? I want him back, but my days! He is so so so controlling.... but not in a forceful way - he would get violent but he tries to stop me doing so many things...just - any advice would be very appreciated.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (25 February 2013):
 he's your ex why do you even talk to him?
you want him back you say... WHY?
why do you want this boy back?
this boy who didn't trust you so much that he took your "friends" word over yours
this boy who tries to CONTROL you?
this boy who tells you who you can and cannot talk to or be friends with?
does he try to control what you wear yet?
does he try to control make up yet?
does he try to control what you eat yet?
I say YET... because if you stay with him, as he feels less and less secure he will try to control more and more till you are a prisoner in your home... doing only what he wants at the times he wants it.
people like this will work to isolate you from your support system and make you start questioning your intelligence, your judgment and everything else.
love is not expressed by control or jealousy.
LOVE is expressed by allowing someone you love to go forth and explore the world knowing they will bring all those new experiences back to share with you.... not letting them explore and keeping them in an emotional box just for your choosing is not love.....
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 February 2013):
 He only controls your life because you LET HIM...
Let that sink in for a few.
Seems to me that you are mistaken control with love. He doesn't control you out of love. He wants to control you to mold you into his ideal of a girl or just for the sheer sense of power he gets from trying to tell you what to do, how to live, look and be. It's about LACK of respect for you, and who you are. By controlling who you talk to he controls what you "see" as far as other guys and how they treat girls. He controls who you can rely on, trust in and talk to. That way your main "focus" in life becomes him and you live to "please" him, by doing what he wants/demands. That honey, ISN'T HEALTHY!
You want him back, why? Because he is such a swell fella?
And you can blame your best friend for the break up ALL you want... HE ultimately didn't TRUST you enough to NOT listen to that girl. OR he was just looking for someone new to boss around. She didn't "steal" him, because you can not STEAL another human being. He HAD a choice, and he didn't CHOOSE you.
Let this one go. WANT more in a guy, MORE for yourself then some two-bit abusive brat.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (25 February 2013):
 why are you allowing a guy who is not even your boyfriend to control you? not that it would make it okay if he were your boyfriend. but nonetheless.
my mentality on all of these types of things is that he can only be controlling to the extent that you allow it. if you told him to kiss your ass and that you were gonna do whatever you wanted regardless of what he said, then i guarantee you, he wouldn't be controlling you anymore. would he "dump" you? possibly. but you two aren't even together anymore, anyway. and even if he did dump you, would you really want to be with a guy who didn't want to be with you because he couldn't control you? think logically about this. he's not a good guy. good guys don't control the people they're with.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (24 February 2013):
If you want him back you must like being controlled. Because him and his behavior are a package deal.
This is an important decision for you to make. Young relationships can determine your future... If you let this be the type of guy you go for you may be in for a lifetime of unhappiness.
The smart thing to do is to stop talking with him. It may be hard but you'll get over it. When you start dating a nice guy it may feel like something is missing, that's normal. But you need to be worried about the kinds of guys you're attracted to.
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