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anonymous
writes: Hi, Please help. I don't know what to do. I have 4 kids, one to my present partner. My other kids are having difficulty getting along with my new partner. They always seem to clash. My daughter of 9 years old seems to do whatever she can to make my partner's back up.All we seem to do is argue over her. I was in a violent relationship with her dad and she thinks it's my new partner that is the violent person, when it was her dad. I've tried talking to her about this but seems she doesn't care any more. She just makes things worse. I love her to bits, but this is straining the whole family. What can I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2005): First of all I think she is only wanting your attention more than anything. Maybe she feels like you only care about him. Talk, Talk, Talk and Talk some more to her. Don't let her forget just how much she means to you. Even when you think she is not listening to you - she really is. So just never stop talking to her or she will think you have given up on her. She needs to know you accept her and that you care about her just as much as you do the rest of your family. Being a kid is just hard and coming from a broken one is even harder. She does not need to hear about how her father was violent, but how he loved her. You have to deal with that. She should not have to. But mostly just be there for her so she can talk to you about how she feels and listen to her don't fight with her about how she should be acting. I hope this helps..good luck!
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reader, trusty +, writes (4 May 2005):
I am 15 years old, My parents divorced when I was 7. They both have re-married since. I suppose you have accepted the fact that your daughter is finding it difficult to come to terms with the fact that her parents are seperated. All kids have this idea in their head that their parents wil be together forever but it doesn't always end up like that.I think your daughter may be trying to scare your partner away because she still secretly believes that one day you and her father will get back together. This is every little girl's hope when their parents are no longer together. Also when my mum got a new boyfriend, I felt all he was trying to do was take my mum away. Me and my mum was always close until she got her own life and I felt alone. Was you and you daughter close?Maybe the answer is just leave her to grow up and get used to the idea that you have a different life now. I think you should discuss things with your partner and decide to try and not fight over your daughter. It's not worth it. Not only have you got one sort of family but now you got another one with your new partner. Have a mother-daughter day, with no one else there, maybe even go away for the weekend together with her, have a bit of fun and at towards the end of the weekend have a convosation with her and ask why she makes life difficult for your new man and ask why she doesn't like him. Come to a compromise that you can have a day together every week and build up that relationship that a mother and daughter should have! Everything in the end becomes better. I now love the two family I have. At least it means I get twice as much prezzies, he he. Good luck, hope everything goes great with your new family !!XX
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