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male
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anonymous
writes: Hi I'm 21 and just got engaged to my 18 yr old gf. We have been with each other over a year and we love each other loads, and have been through a lot with each other. At first sex was great, but now has completely died down, which I know happens in most relationships but sometimes sex is non existent over a week or month. When I try to talk to her about this she just says that she doesn't feel the urge for sex anymore. I try being more romantic and giving massages etc but this fails. She says she still finds me very sexually attractive but I find this hard to believe if she never wants to make love to me. So how can I bring the spark back to my relationship with out pressurising her too much?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2006): Well she is 18 and therefore, hasn't a clear picture of who she really is and what she really wants in life.
I am going to suggest what all soon-to-be-married couples should do; marriage counselling.
This is a good way to find out what you both expect and want in a life companion.
This is a good way to sort out any current trust issues and intamacies issues.
This is a good way to reach common life goals with one another.
Get the couples counselling and obstain from any pressures that will have her believe all you want from her is sex.
For a month, you can do this, just give her foot massages before bed, maybe feed her some of her favorite fruits, kiss her and hold her and say goodnight.
She will be cautious and suspicious at first.
This is a way of expressing your gratitude for her and your love without the DOOMSDAY of sex.
Time and willingness to overcome this with the aid of a counsellor will get you both back on track.
Good luck Mate.
A
female
reader, Amethyst  +, writes (9 August 2006):
 Oooh... tough one. How long has this been going on?Maybe she's going through depression? That's always an option when sexual urges are non-existant. She says she's still attrached to you, but she doesn't feel like having sex... have you tried actually discussing this further with her? Maybe it's an emotional issue, like she's procrastonating for some reason... self esteem... moral reasonings... or maybe she's even pregnant and doesn't know how to break the news. There are many options. The best advice I can give you is to one day work through your words in your mind, and sit down to discuss it with her. Ask her if there's anything she needs to tell you, or if she has any idea as to why she has no sexual urges. If she's clueless keep being romantic, and continue doing what used to turn her on. (Try blowing in her ear or kissing her neck.) And if after a while that doesn't work either, maybe considering consulting a physician? If it's clinical, it needs to be treated. Something could seriously be wrong... because if it's not willpower/mental control, and she's not having sexual urges.... yeah.
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