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male
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anonymous
writes: Hi All,Please help!i have been in a relationship since 3.5 years now and things were going absolutely fine uptill some time back.i care for her the most and can do anything to keep her happy. the girl loves me more than enough and wud die to get me in her life. she makes me realy realy very happy by the way she does things for me, however with time i have started feeling that my attraction for the girl has gone. I care for her and feel responsible for her and everything, if she cries , i get upset that i made her cry and i do all the things to make her happy.but the problem here is now, that the attraction i had for her..is all gone from my heart. i have somehow started feeling attracted to other women around me ( specially a friend of mine who really likes me and wanted to be with me) IS it NORMAL for me to get attracted to someone else since i am OLD in one relationship..???I really dont want to get attracted anywhere else, but i am not able to control myself..i have even tried breaking up with my current fiancee but i am not able to as i know she wud be hurt and i cant see her crying... this upsets me, as i am not able to decide between whats right and wrong.my friend is really really attractive and however my current girlfren is just okk in looks!Is looks is what troubling me! I dont know how to create a balance by sticking to one girl though it was me who decided to get settled to this long time girlfriend of mine.i am 26 and she is 25.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2006): Sounds like you are not in love with her any more, as if you would be, you would not be looking and feeling attracted to other women. It is much better to let her know now, yes it will be painful for her, but explain to her that it is better to know now then years down the line when you both have invested lots of time and energy into the relationship. If you carry on having a relationship with her, you will end up resenting her, and she will find it increasingly difficult being with you.
A
female
reader, Amethyst  +, writes (9 August 2006):
 Ok... this is a premiscious stage. But choosing your lover due to looks, I'm sorry to be the one to point it out, but it's being shallow. Which would you HONESTLY rather have, a girlfriend that loves you for who you are and will do whatever it takes to make you happy, or someone that likes you, is hot, and is more likely to be tempted and/or snatched off by some other guy? So to be honest, yes. Grow up. You're twenty six years old, and if a sixteen year old can tell you that looks aren't everything... well then. Granted, it's not a good sign that every last drop of attraction has left. If you're in love with someone, you can't help but to be attracted to them at least SOME. Maybe you just need to get past the temptation for the attraction to come back...?
The real question is though, do you still love her as much as you did when you made the ultimate commitment and proposed to her? Because if you don't even love her that way... think about her. It's going to eventually hurt her worse. Divorce and heartbreak is a greater pain than heartbreak alone. Then there's all the messy seperation of property, and finances... so if you're unsure, don't marry her. But if you love her, and leave her over her looks merely being "ok" then... she deserves better to be honest. Can you see her leaving you for someone more muscular, or more handsome... or more sexually appealing at all? Think about it. It's your call.
If you find you don't love her anymore though... don't drag her on. Just for the mere fact you used to love her enough to marry her.
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