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female
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anonymous
writes: I'm 21 and my sister is 16 years old.Recently I found out that she's been dating a 45-year-old man, which I feel uneasy about.She says there's nothing sexual going on, and that he's not been pressuring her for sex etc., and they've been dating for 2 weeks now.She also said to me that he's the guy she wants to marry.I'm worried about the age gap - it seems a little bit creepy, and odd, if I'm being honest - but I couldn't say that to her, for fear of offending her.How do I deal with this in a sensitive manner??Anna Reply to this Question
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female
reader, joeymac +, writes (9 September 2006):
have you got parents around to talk to?? i no u probably don't want to lose ur sister's trust and go behind her back but if ur concerned for her future or scared she could make a huge mistake that will stay with her for her entire life then isn't it worth it? ur sister is only 16 she is a child, and a 45 year old man sliming round her is just plain creepy and unnacceptable. why don't u try speaking to him and tell him what u think of his relationship with ur sister. at 16 we don't want to listen to our families when they are nagging at us we think they are just being boring and trying their best to make our lives a misery, when the sad truth is they are sick with worry about us trying to keep us out of harms way. i personally find it quite distressing and i think if i were u i would do whatever i could to put a stop to it straight away - she is a child, he is a dirty old man. good luck let us know what happens xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2006): Originally posted by Dr.Psych:
YOu may even want to take her out socially so she has the opportunity to meet people her own age and experience a taste of 'young life' to open her eyes to the possibilities beyond a 45 year old man.
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I did this, but she was pining for the 45 year old man and refused to meet anyone her own age.
This man has met our brother (he's 28); my brother seems to accept it unconditionally. He claims there's nothing wrong with the relationship at all, and it seems to be genuine.
Yet I'm still worried; my 16-year-old sister claims she wants to marry him in a year's time.
Anna in Skelmersdale
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (9 September 2006):
 Well done for being a caring sibling! You have every right to worry about this sort of relationship - I accept age gap relationships but this is a HUGE gap. The age gap wouldnt worry me as much as his motivations. Is this a sign of someone who is having a mid-life crisis and inflating his ego by dating a younger girl? Is he an inadequate person who cannot find women his own age, and feels it easier to 'impress' a young girl? I think you should offer to meet him in a non-judgmental kind of way to check out what sort of a person he is. Maybe that will allay or confirm some of your fears. If he doesnt want to meet you then perhaps it will serve as a signal to your sister that he is not serious about the relationship. If he thinks you know about their relationship and you have a keen eye on your younger sisters welfare it may deter him if his motivations are sinister. After all, young girls are often exploited by much older men when they perceive them as having no support system in place. As for your sister - you won't be able to talk common sense into her for now as she is dizzy on the attention of first romance. However, she may meet boys her own age and take an interest sooner or later - after all the attention span of a 16 year old girl in relation to matters of the heart is often not that long is it? YOu may even want to take her out socially so she has the opportunity to meet people her own age and experience a taste of 'young life' to open her eyes to the possibilities beyond a 45 year old man.
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