A
female
age
51-59,
*ittycat01
writes:Our 16yr old daughter wants to leave home to live with her boyfriend and his family. They are both 16 and have been going out together for about two and a half years. He, the boyfriend, went to live with his mother after the xmas holidays. His mum received a good job offer in a mining town, and moved, while he was going to stay to finish grade 12 where my daughter and he had always been to. He had been living with his aunty. Our daughter also had the xmas holidays in the new area where his mum now lives.Since now the boyfriend has moved, our daughter also has been nagging us about going up there to finish school and wants to get a traineeship in the mining town, all to be with bf. His mum is ok with it if we are, but as responsible parents, we would like to see our girl finish her schooling here first. Not only that, but we also bought a car for her to get her learners licence.We see that she is really trying hard to get us to say yes, but we also know that she is a great enthusiastic girl with lots of goals. We know she will do well in her life because she has always tackled things in life with both hands. The last thing we want is the crying and depression she is having for still being here without her boyfriend.Please give me any advice. I need something helpful to get us through and we want to do the right thing. thankyou. P.S. this town is about 1000klms from here and in a remote area, not like where we live now. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, yazanco  +, writes (20 March 2011):
you are welcome, just don't give up your daughter for a stranger, just for her to feel happy, one day she will thank you.
A
female
reader, kittycat01 +, writes (18 March 2011):
kittycat01 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would just like to say thankyou very much to the replies I have received so far to my question. It has given us some food for thought. It is great when you have had similar experience as a teen and are now a parent with teenagers. Again, thankyou, and keep the answers/ coments comeing. from kitycat01.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2011): You know... here in Oz, legally... she can move out whenever she wants from 16 onwards, if she can provide the monetary means to do so.
Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (17 March 2011):
 Well, as a mother of 3 girls, my first instinct was a screaming no, she shouldn't go. She is only 16! Who knows how long they will actually last?
On the other hand, if she got a scholarship to a realllllllly good boarding school most people would say yes, even if she is "only" 16.
I moved from Europe to the US after meeting and dating my now husband. It is HARD to be that far from family. The losses I have had ( my grandmother and mother have both passed away and here I am - a million miles away.) I don't regret my marriage, but I wish every single morning that I was closer to home.
Would it be possible to sit down and make a contract with her? Maybe for 3-6 months at a time. Give her a "trial" period of being gone? You see, it might not be all that, moving to be with her BF in reality. But it might seem like it would be the BESTEST thing in the world for her, until she actually live it. Would be quite the learning experience.
She would of course know that she can call at anytime to get a plane-ticket home. No pregnancies, taking birth-control. Calling home X amount of times. Mailing home report cards and so forth. Also, have you thought of the legal side of this? The boyfriends mother would have to have guardianship (I presume, since she is a minor), so again a contract and rules guidelines would need to be set before hand.
My biggest fear would be that I was 1,000 km away and would never forgive myself if she got hurt.
Hope that gave you a little food for thought.
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A
female
reader, GeeGee255 +, writes (17 March 2011):
 When I was 16 I begged my parent to allow me to stay with my grandparents while the rest of the family went away on a long vacation, because I didn't want to be away from my boyfriend for that long. I cried, and carried on for days.
So finally, they allowed me to stay behind and left without me.
To this day, over 25 years later, I deeply regret that they went without me....
I resent it that they all have special memories of that trip that I didn't get to be a part of. I resent that I never again got a chance to see that part of the world.
But most of all I resent it because it was the last big vacation I ever would have had with my family. Two years later I graduated high school, left home and got married and started having kids of my own. And a few years after that my mother was dead. And I wish with all my heart that I could have that time back with her.
So my vote is no. Don't let her go. But tell her it is because you love her. And because what she thinks she wants now may be very different from what she wants later or what is actually best for her in the long run.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (17 March 2011):
 I would simply not allow any child of mine to move away from me at age 16...no matter what and no matter how many tears. When she is 18 and graduated, then maybe.
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male
reader, yazanco +, writes (17 March 2011):
Unlike, boys, you cannot depend on girls alone and away from you, specially with a stranger(Since they are not married).
Something may happen to her(God forbid) and you wont be able to do a thing or question her BF, simply because there is no Formal legal relationship, i think 1000 km is too away for a girl. I prefer to see her in pain rather than sending her to somewhere i don't know hello rural area! with someone i don't know! As you know girls follow their emotions not their brains, and if he does really love her he would have stayed with her n your town, rather than dislocating a poor young girl, My advice cherish her under your eyes and supervision once she is 18 let her make her own discussions, you know the best for her.
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male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (17 March 2011):
Well. There is two issues here I guess. One is how do you deal with a 16 years old 1000kms away. An the other is how much you will miss her.
Since you seem to trust her very much already: in my own opinion you should let your daughter go there on the condition that she has to finish school with good grades. In order to balance the fact that you wont be there to watch on her in person. I guess she's mature enough to let her go or you wouldn't be even considering this.
Another way around this would be asking the boyfriend to stay in your place this year and attend to school here. And then go there the next year. That's something fair for you to ask.
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