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female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:HI my fellow aunts/uncleswere always so good at giving advice that sometimes it's hard to take. Now is that time I ask you for your input on my situation.For the past two years my son who is now 15 has giving me more than a run for my money. He has been taking drugs, drinking, abusive,violent, having sex, every parents worst nightmare to be honest. Now as of last wednesday my son walked out and refuses to come home. He met a girl who is a very bad influence, around 5 months ago. She has had 3 pregnacey tests so far, thankfully negative. however the last time she told my son ( I think ) she lost a baby as he wrote in a book R.I.P. gone but never forgotten and wrote two names a girls and a boy, names of which he told me that he would call his kids if he had one one day. Now the social services are involved as I phoned them because I have tried everything with my son but he refuses to take heed. I guess what I waht is to ask if anyone else has gone through this and does it get better? will he realise what his doing and come back to me? I'm crying all the time, scared he will never sort his life out. He has an older sister and a younger brother who have never been a problem, always kind hearted, loving, caring, and respectful, what am I doing wrong? I keep a very tidy house, cook, clean, they have everything from flat screen tv's, dvd player, x box, bb phone, more importantly unconditional love from me ( as i'm a single parent ) I believe in teaching them right from wrong, a tidy house is a tidy mind, and respect for themself and their elders. That they have to earn trust and work for what they want in life . I just feel that this girl his met is a bad influence, she was adopted at 6 months old and her foster mother has said to me and I quote ( I don't try to tell my kids what to do, there life is theres if she wants to get drunk and do drugs thats up to her , she will learn in the end ) now am I wrong here by saying she is a complete and utter twat for saying that and actually believeing what she just said out loud? I just feel like I am loosing my son to some silly manipulative bitch and I can't do a thing about it. She is nearly 17 my son is 15 so they are having( well she ) illegal sex! please help me guys what else can I do to put an end to this?????
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionsorry I mean Cerberus ..I keep spelling your name wrong, my apologies. x
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for your kind words cerebus it's much appreciated. I think maybe i'll take the kids to wales for the weekend to see other family members. God knows they need a break from all this.
thanks again x
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2013): OP at the end of the day, don't forget to give yourself some credit for working so hard to protect him, don't be afraid to feel some pride that you have done and still are doing the best you can for him. Letting him fend for himself is not giving up, it's not a failure in any way, just a new strategy.
Try not to worry too much OP, he may be acting the fool but he hasn't suddenly forgot how he was raised, hasn't suddenly become a complete idiot, a lot of the good values and lessons you raised him with are still there so he has the tools to cope in life and has you as back up, so he will be okay.
OP take this time to put some of your mental focus back on you, back on life at home. Something tells me he has taken up all your willpower, time, effort lately. Time to relax a bit now OP because all you can do is wait and see for the most part, use that time bring some enjoyment back into your life, wind down and de-stress a bit, you know? Time for some you time again. Maybe take your other two on a trip to the countryside or something, have lunch somewhere and have a relaxing day, or have a night out with some girlfriends or something.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCindy Cares.........This has gone around my mind too, although my son is being more than a little shit right now I don't think he would go as far as anything like robbing. Mind you that said who knows what he would do to get money as his not here! I have a lot to think about, trying not to have a complete nervous break down is one of them. All I know is I will NOT bow down to him, he has made his bed he will just have to lie in it. I will just be here for him when he grows up and stops being so unruly.
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reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 February 2013):
 Thanks Cerberus, took due note of your infos .
It's not that they are exactly conflicting with my sources ( and with my admittedly vague mememories of when I lived in UK loooong time ago ) , it's that the UK law is ( on purpose ? ) unclear and ambiguous on this, and there have been different decisions by different courts.
The way I know it, it is that at age 16 a minor can leave home WITH parents' consent ( meaning, before that, he needs to stay with parents or legual guardians, even if these would be more than happy to kick him out ), or without IF they are leaving an abusive or neglectful situation.
Anyway, a non consenting parent CAN seek out a court order for having the minor over 16 reinstated at home, and , while it's true that seldom the Juvenile Court can be arsed doing something , I thought the OP perhaps might have a chance , because where the boy is now, he is engaging in underage sex, underage drinking, underage drugs use , and, let's not forget, underage not going to school, that could put his mom in trouble.
But,OK, perhaps it's a waste of time, and I was thinking, OP, in this case, if it is a lost battle, could you not petition to make your minor son a ward of the Court until he turns 18 ? For your our protection ? I don't mean that he is a bad seed, but he is rather confused and unpredictable and, as you say, if he gets in trouble, then it's STILL your fault even if you don't even see him or talk to him. Like, supposing he decides to break and enter in his new neighbours ' property and snash everything he founds, well, penally he'd be personally responsible , I guess, but civilly , i.e. moneywise, he'd still be a minor and YOU'd have to pay back the damages.
Pretty unfair, considering that now he's totally out of your sight , and sphere of influence, so, at least there MUST be a way you can , sorry for not finding a more elegant expression, cover your ass ?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your advice aunts/uncles and for your useful information in regards to legal rights cerebus. I'll NEVER give up on my son I will always be here for him when he needs me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2013): Also more info on their rights Cindy, the court order is a very unlikely scenario to actually be granted anyway.
http://www.yourrights.org.uk/yourrights/the-rights-of-children-and-young-people/parental-responsibility-and-childrens-rights/key-areas-of-parental-responsibility.html
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2013): Actually no Cindy 16 year olds in the UK gain a broad range of rights. Here's a list of a few:
http://www.mumsnet.com/teenagers/legal-rights-at-16
There are far more than what is listed there but they basically have all the basic rights of adulthood.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCindy cares............ I phoned the police again today and again they are telling me he is safe and well I know where he is so they can't report him as missing :( I feel like I am battling a brick wall. They also said even if he did get home if he goes again they will say the same thing. Social services said he can go into a 16 plus accomodation if he asks for there help, so basically he IS getting his own way and i'm getting no help from the police or anyone else I have asked for help. If I get a court order it may bring him home but I feel he will cause such an uproar and leave again that maybe it's best to just let him find out for himself the errors of his ways.
thanks again for your support and advice. x
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reader, CindyCares +, writes (20 February 2013):
Don't give up, OP.
16 years in UK is the legal age for SEXUAL consent. For all the other intents and purposes , he is still a minor until the age of 18, and,by law, he CANNOT leave home without parental consent. If he does , he is a juvenile runaway and as such must be reported as MISSING. The police is supposed to trace him and return him home ( with a warning, because he broke a law. Yeah , I know : "uh what a fright" and eye roll - for a type like your kid ). They do not enforce that often, for the simple reason that it is very difficult to trace a runaway who does not want to be found, and that there are so many runaway kids every year, that it would be impossible to intervene efefctively for them all.
BUT you know where your son is, so he does not have to be located; so , officially report him missing , put your foot down, raise a stink and have him brought home. You can call up the Juvenile Court, and have the Judge enforce that your son is returned to you. Remember : your kid is breaking the law anyway, he can't go anywhere without your consent.I think, in all your distress, you need to gather your strength - and learn to show your teeth- and not in a smile. If you let your 15 -close -to 16 get away with these antics, 1 ) you are enabling him to proceed merrily without a care in the world on the dangerous, messed up path he has chosen , 2 ) you are setting a terrible example for his younger brother, who will think " If my brother could do the f..k he wanted when he wanted with nobody squeaking a pip , so can I ".
Good luck, OP, best wishes and-this too shall pass.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionso very confused.......thank you for your advice x
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTrancedrythemear ......... My son was brought up the exact same way I brought my other two children up and they have never been disrespectful. violent, taking drugs or drinking till they pass out. my eldest is 20 this yr and my youngest is 13 , they know right from wrong, I have never controlled any of my children just tried my best to guide them in the right direction. I have spoke to the police and even got my son into counciling which he went 3 times then refused to go again. His councilor said he has issues and he needs help but unless he wants it there is nothing she can do. So I'm very frustrated because I am doing my best as a single mother to help him. his father on the other hand instead of guiding him and being a good male role model also smokes weed, and gives my son too much money, last week he gave him £50 which he knows full well what his son will get up to! Its easy to just give up on him for an easy quite life BUT his my son and I love him, I will be here for him when he realises that life is not a bed of roses and that you have to work to pay your bills, he has no grades so even if he wanted to work in mcdonalds he wont get the job because you have to have at least 3 c gcse passes. He will just have to learn the hard way.
thanks for your advice
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reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (20 February 2013):
 Here in the states I would advise you to file with the courts that he is an incorrigible minor. I would file to have him emancipated from your care and protection so that you are not liable for his mistakes.
They call it tough love here... and it's so hard for a parent to do as it goes against everything we believe as parents...
my parents loved me too much when I was younger. I was not allowed to fall on my face... my mommy always picked me up and covered my mistakes...took me till 35 when my mom died to become a grown up (and I had a failed marriage and two kids to my credit already STILL NOT A GROWN UP TILL MY MOM DIED)
Sometimes we have to let them go and fall on their faces to save them.
just let him know you love him (I can see how much you do) and that you will be there for him if he ever needs/wants you.... but if he comes back you can make it on your terms (no manipulative gf)
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am here to help you.....I have actually replied to your posts of advice thank you so much, and have taken what you have said into account. I guess he will have to learn from his own mistakes, I have tried all I can do as his mother to guide him into the right direction, but as his 15 going 30 in his mind he will have to learn the hard way. It will be very hard for me but I can't do anything else, as I said in a previous response I agree I cant stay angry with his GF as he makes his own choices BUT she is manipulative and does not give him any breathing space to even try to put things right, when we tried to sort things out before she was constantly texting him what to say. BUT if he wants to live in this fantasy bubble world with this girl then so be it, I don't know any mother who wants there child to end up a father at 15 or 16 and be happy with that, this is one of my main concerns as they are having unprotected sex. But what can I do? nothing, as far as his concerned his right and i'm wrong. I just hope that ONE day he realises that I just wanted the best for him NO CONTROL him like CMMP is saying.
again thank you for your advice. x
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAGAIN I AM NOT TRYING TO CONTORL MY SON HAVE YOU READ A SINGLE WORD I HAVE WRITTEN! if every parent gives into their childs demands because their not getting their own way this world would be run by violent unbalanced unruly ,disrespectful brats.
thank you, your advice is not needed.
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reader, CMMP +, writes (20 February 2013):
I never suggested you didn't love him. I said you need to start TREATING him like you love him (in his eyes, not your own). And it's obvious that you're trying to control him so I can't even imagine how you'd dispute that. I'm not saying you don't have the right to do that either, I'm just suggesting you try something different since what you ARE doing obviously ISN'T working or you wouldn't be here.
I realize that people want to hear advice that echos what they are already thinking, but you latched onto two words I said that you didn't like and completely disregarded everything else.
Your quickness to get offended when I meant no offense has this "I'm right how dare you suggest I'm wrong" attitude that won't get you anywhere when you ask for advice here or in the real world.
What you want to hear is how to get your son back under YOUR terms. That's the most difficult/impossible way to get him back with the most consequences. I was suggesting a way to get him back that would require a compromise from you. Since (from what you wrote) it was your unwillingness to accept his girlfriend and his choices that pushed him away, it's likely that the opposite will encourage him to return. If he returns you can at least begin rebuilding your relationship with him and have some peace of mind and a small say in his affairs outside the house. Involving the law or kicking him out will affect your relationship for years to come and may end up with him being homeless because he doesn't want come home if he has to admit his mistakes and that you were right.
I want to say that I'm not blaming you for the way things are; the way you're treating him isn't wrong. But, if you look at it from his view that's not so true. He feels like an adult and you're treating him like a child. Remember that for most of human history he would be an adult and having his own children by now, so kids his age are hard wired to "know what they're talking about." That's reality, and you can fight it or accept it.
I agree it's your house so you can do whatever you want; I merely am suggesting an alternative since you don't seem to be happy with things the way they are.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2013): I kept missing that he is 16 next week. Well that's it OP, you're pretty much legally independent from that age in the UK. Doesn't need your permission for anything anymore.
OP everything will be okay, he's legally free now, so your son has flown the nest earlier than expected, has taken a route you're not happy with. Well he's made his choice, time for him to understand what that means. can't live his life for him and you have two others to give all your time and attention to.
You'll be fine OP and something tells me he will be too.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCerberus.... that is exactly what I had planned in my mind, I couldn't and wouldn't not say happy birthday to him, which I will do next week on his birthday, but that is all. thank you so much for your advice.
Cindy cares....I have been in touch with the police, social servives, his councilor,the college, everyone and every single one of them have siad there is nothing they can do, I argued this saying he is only 15 and I have NOT given my permission for him to leave home, and they have said as he will be 16 next week and he is safe where he is staying and that my son said he wants to stay with his GF there is nothing they can do. I also said what if anything happens to my son? what then will I get the blame even though I have asked for your help time and time again, they said were really sorry, but unless he gets in touch and wants to come home there is nothing more they can do for me. So it looks like my son gets what he wants after all, ye sI agree that I can't really stay angry at this girl as my son makes his own mind up, BUT he got worse when he met her and she manipulates him and constantly by his side, even when we were trying to sorts things out before ( my son and I ) she would NOT leave him alone constantly texting him and telling him what to say. At the end of the day I have done everything in my power to try and solve this but I am hitting a brick wall, I just have to come to terms with the fact I have lost my son.
Thank you all for your advice.x
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reader, CindyCares +, writes (20 February 2013):
I don't know OP...I don't want to presume and try to teach you how to be a mother ... but, " he won't come home " ? WHAT ? He is a minor, he is just 15 - or not even, if his coming birthday is his 15th - he is a KID. A minor lives where his parent(s) or legal tutor(s) decide he lives, end of. You want him back, get him back .Have the police bring him back by the scruff of his neck, have the Social Services involved, the Court, the Marine Corps, I don't care ! he can't choose where to live and how at 15, he's going to fuck up his life - and yours.
I can imagine that the laws are different in your country, but , I have noticed that, at the end of the day, at least in Western countries laws are all are very similar , stemming from similar ethics, values and mindset. So : do you know that in my country, if you do not warn the police that a minor under your custody has left your residence without your permission, if - God forbid 300 times ! - he should die or get seriously hurt or disabled in an accident , YOU mother go to jail for neglect ? What about school: is he going to school ? IF school is mandatory up to 16 , and he is not going and not living with you,.. he is putting YOU in an ambiguous position in the eyes of the law.
You try to bring balance and discipline in his life, he is resistant to any attempt that won't contemplate physical violence , he " won't take heed " ? Fine. Have him assigned by the Tribunal of Minors to a group home. They'll try to sort him out, and if they can't at least he- and other people around him -will be safe. Your relationship with him will deteriorate ? Maybe. Unluckily ( and I am saying this not with scorn, but with heartfelt compassion for your struggle and pain ) it does not seem such a great relationship right now, since if failed to elicit trust and respect. So, I encorage you to not be selfish and don't think only " oooohhh he is going to hate me " yes-: maybe. For a while. He does not sound so well disposed toward you temporarily, as of now, anyway - and at leat he won't go around taking or selling drugs, getting drunk underage and maybe causing drunken brawls or drunken driving accidents, and hurting innocent people, or having underage -and unprotected- sex resulting in unplanned babies and abortions.
You are tempted to unload all the blame for what's going on on the 17 y.o. girl, and I don't doubt that she may be a disruptive,negative influence in your son's life , but it seems that even without the girl your son was already problematic and out of control before, so I don't know if the girl's role is really so central, maybe if it wasn't her, it would be some other younger girl, or some male friend, that he would choose as his partner in shenanigans. Mischief is always more fun if you have a sidekick.
Bring him back home , and try to regain some control- and if it you can't make it on your own, use whatever legal means necessary and available . I am not an advocate of " though love " at all costs. But I am afraid that in cases like yours theer aren't many alternative choices.
Good luck, and remember : it's not your fault, or not ALL your fault at least. You have raised on your own two other well adjusted, responsible, caring kids. You have done the very best you could for each of your children, and you had excellent results 2 out of 3 . Some times, alas, even the best we could do is not enough.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2013): OP look I know you have your back up over what CMMP wrote, I do believe he did so with the best of intentions. I don't agree with how he put it, you're a mother who is at her wits end and worried sick about her son. Try to see the good parts in his advice, some of it is true in the sense that your son no doubt feels he's being controlled, I mean come on didn't we all feel that way as teens?
Look as worried as you are OP, you have two others to worry about and you need to show by example what happens when you think you can fuck over your mother and have it all your own way.
That part about the rape thing is a very fucked up thing to say, and I really think it's time you toughened up and took a different approach.
OP he smells weakness in you, her mother smells that too and so far all your efforts have been working against you, you've been playing into that crazy slags hands by filling the role of control queen in their mind you know? In a sense I think that's what CMMP was trying to get at but very badly put in the circumstances.
It's his birthday soon, so send him a message saying happy birthday and that's it.
Back right off here OP, let him get on with this. He'll learn his own lessons here and the best thing you can do as a mom is focus on your other two. Cut the apron strings, drop off his clothes and school things at her house, put all his luxuries in a box and put them in your attic or your parents house. Let's see how this psycho bitch of a woman likes having to deal with him on a more permanent basis. Let's see how she likes the extra expense of feeding him etc. He asks you for money for school? It's a lie, he's going to buy drugs or drink, if he needs things for school or any other such excuse then buy them directly for him, or tell him to buy them himself, he's a big boy now if he wants responsibility then this is how it goes.
I bet it won't take long for her to get very sick of having to support him, you know the best way to deal with this may well be to give him exactly what he thinks he wants OP. Complete freedom to live there and stay there, but proper freedom i.e. no financial or physical support whatsoever, do not waiver OP.
Don't do it in a bitter way, don't act spiteful, be very matter of fact. You're giving him what he wants and that's it, you're not punishing him, just giving him freedom and like you've always done you're teaching him responsibility by cutting off his finances and everything.
OP how you've been going about this has created a situation where he's now moved out, ignores you knowing it hurts you deeply and frankly made yourself look like the bad guy to him and made what his girl and that fuckwit of a mother say about you is right.
Well then OP, set him free. No more social services, no more worrying, no more stress just get on with your life. No more contact, except of course on his birthday and above all OP stay strong here, seriously no more money, no more financial support. He doesn't live with you anymore so he can support himself or she can support him.
Turn this right back around OP, support his decision to be independent (pretend to anyway) and treat this like you've "seen the light" and the error of your ways.
Do you understand what I'm getting at here OP? You see how this may work? Try it, stay strong and show your other kids you're no pushover and let him be a lesson to them by how bad things get for him. Can't wrap them up in cotton wool forever OP, he'll be ready to come crawling back sooner rather than later. No more interference but also no more support, he's a big boy now is he? Well it's time he learned first hand what it's like not to have a mother follow him around to powder his arse.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionALSO reading over this again CMMP
You can turn things around, but you have to start treating him like the son you love and not the son you need to control. ............
Are you suggesting I don't love my son?
How dare you even think that.
I love my son more than life it's self, I would jump under the first train if it meant it helped my son. This girl HAS got the CONTROL over my son, I told my son although I don't agree with them being together I wont stop them from seeing eachother hence letting him know if he keeps up with his education and gets home on time he could spend the weekends with her!!! so If that is ME BEING CONTROLING I dread to think what i'd be called if I actually was and didn't give a shit about my son. So I suggest you try something else rather than giving your advice which is completely hurtful/unhelpful/and upsetting to say the least. And to say I NEED to control my son what a crock of shit! what I NEED is for my son to wake up and smell the coffee, and think with his brain not his dick! I do not want my child to be a father at 15 or 16 God he can't even look after himself let alone a child! I'm NOT happy that his having sex at his age BUT I even got him condoms and explained about std's and unwanted pregnacies which he already knows as I taught my children about that from an early age, how ever the reply I got was my son saying he don't like them, and her saying well he won't have sex with me if he has to wear them so we don't use them ( with her smiling and laughing about it ) so where abouts in my post does me controlling my son become evident?? nowhere I LOVE MY SON and want the best for him, so if he thinks running away from home getting her knocked up and having a life of nappies , struggles, and stress is what he wants then he can get on with it and learn from his mistakes, I will NOT watch my son ruin his life over a bit of pussy!!!!
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reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (20 February 2013):
 HiDoll in my honest opinion his behavior rests on you and how you have raised him. He needs treatment or a serious wake up call which you dont want to see. If he's breaking curfew you have the right to call the police and let them know. You're going to have to find a way a way so he learns. Tell the cops of his sex drugs and behavior from a legal guardian mouth thats pc to search the house his car n any personal property. Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCMMP
trying to control my son??
His a 15 year old boy that has rules to live by if his living under my roof! going to school, getting there on time, keeping his room tidy and getting home by 9 pm at night is hardly a mother who is trying to conrtrol her son, it's a mother who is trying to keep her son in line, as in respect, responsibility, teaching him how to look after himself and get good grades CONTROL him..... I find that an offensive reply. in this country yes she is having sex with a minor and I could get her arrested however I wouldn't do that for two reasons 1) it would completely finish our relationship.
2) he said that if I did that he would say he raped her, and her mother said she would say the same thing, THIS IS WHAT IM DEALING WITH ...
I am here to help you & cerberus Thank you for your advice,I have told him he is not welcome in this house whilst his behaviour is the way it is, he wont reply to any messages or phone calls from me, so I had no other choice to send it via text message. My heart is aching so much right now but your right cerberus I have to show him he can't get away with treating me like this, or his siblings for that matter. I know his a teenager and I know it can be hard for some to adjust into adulthood, he knows I love him very much and will be here for him when he decides to grow up and take responsiblity for his actions. I just hope and pray he sees the light before it's too late. What is so frustrating is that I even tried to compromise with him two weeks ago, I said if he keeps his room tidy, goes college, and makes sure his home on time in the eveing, then he can stay at hers on the weekend, as I already know he will see this girl no matter what I say to him, he did this for a week then just pissed off and not been home since. But yes your right I am here to help I need to let him make his own mistakes and hope he learns sooner rather than later. it's his birthday next week and it really hurts that this will be the first time in his life that we wont be there for eachother on this what should be a special day.
thanks again for your advice.xx
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reader, CMMP +, writes (20 February 2013):
I'm sorry to hear the pain this is causing you, however I think you have to stop trying to control your son. He is pushing you away because you are forcing him to.
In the US this relationship would not be illegal since they are within 3 years of each other, which I think makes perfect sense. When I was his age I dated an older girl and there was no manipulation or anything that should be considered illegal going on.
So when you forbid him from seeing her, you're doing more harm than good. You can guide him, but you can't force him to choose what you want.
In the case of the girlfriend, there is nothing you can say to make him understand where you're coming from. People need to experience things for themselves before learning. He'll most likely get his heart broken by her, and he'll learn a few things in the process.
Sure, you may be able to use the law against him. But if you think he treats you bad now, he'll REALLY start to hate you then.
You say he's a nightmare, but then you say she's a bad influence. The reality is that they're probably pretty similar but you just don't know your son anymore.
If you want to have a better relationship with him you'll have to start understanding that you can't treat him like you're against him. You have to treat him like an ally who you'll HELP to be the best he can be.
Talk with him, tell him you don't agree with his choices but you want to be there for him if he needs you. Talk to him about birth control and ask her mom to do the same with her.
You can turn things around, but you have to start treating him like the son you love and not the son you need to control.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2013): This is tough one to call to be honest, he seems to be rebelling a hell of a lot. Violent and abusive are huge no-no's no matter what way you cut it. Drink and drugs, well I'm a little bit more liberal on that front but your son is being a fucking idiot. Pregnancy tests and supposed miscarriages and shit?
Look you can go the legal route, you can call the cops any time he gets violent do that, you can take legal action against her for sex with a minor although you should check the romeo and julliette laws where you're from, apparently girls can't statutory rape boys in most countries, you're too fragile or weak or some shit I don't know. The point is she may be fine to do that. You can do all this and maybe you'll just end up with an absolutely vicious monster who thinks you're trying to ruin his life.
You know what I'd do, I'd cut him off. He thinks he's a big man now, ready to take on the world and give you abuse then he can fuck right off and take care of himself. No more money, take his phone off him if you bought it for him, go right into his room and grab his xbox if it's not a shared one and sell it. Any luxury you paid for, for him is yours and you should take it all back.
Unconditional love won't work with this one OP, it's time to get tough. He wants to be rough and tough? He's ready to be a daddy and act like an adult then let his girlfriends mother take care of them.
OP love for a child is unconditional, but it doesn't mean you will lie back and take it. He's fucking with you, it's time you showed him there are consequences to that. You will never abandon him of course but you will cut him off, he wants to act the adult then cut the apron strings, let that other woman clothe and feed him.
If he's staying at hers right now OP, you know what would be a pretty awesome trick. Put all his clothes into a bag, put his school stuff in another bag and just drop them off at her house. Let's see how she feels about adding another mouth to feed, another kid to take care of. It's been a week now, if she asks you say it seems he's decided to come live with you so here's all his stuff.
You know why he's doing this? Because he can OP, love is unconditional but respect isn't. He disrespects you then you give that right back to him and send him on his way. He wants to build a life with this girl, live at her house give him his wish. I bet you'll get a phone call the next day saying she's told him to go home and guess what he'll find when he comes home? All his luxuries packed up and taken from him. He has to earn them back and if he pushes you too far, sell them.
he gets abusive and violent? Call the cops.
Have you any dominant male relatives? A brother, nephew etc? who will put the fear of god in him for laying a finger on you?
OP if this fucker wants to be a rough tough bad boy then you need to show him how nasty the consequences will be. Because no matter what OP, he likes what he's doing now and he may just continue down that road but you need to take a big step back and let him fuck up, it may be the only way he'll learn.
He's 15, hopefully this is a phase, but I would make his life a living hell while he did this kind of crap and make sure he knows what being the way he is being is going to mean. No luxuries, drug addicts and teen fathers can't afford those things so take them away, show him what the path he's going down is really like.
No more words OP, time for action. Time to become as vicious a bitch as you would to anyone who threatened any of your kids protect him from himself. Show him what being a nightmare really means OP.
I had my moments when I was a teen, I was a nightmare sometimes too as we all were. But my single mother was a fucking tough cookie, if I crossed her and went too far she'd come down on me like a tonne of bricks. if I thought I was the big man one or more of my uncles would grab me and pin me down and make sure I knew not mess with their sister, that she was their sister before I was ever around and they wouldn't stand for anyone hurting their sister including me. It worked.
Your boy likes to revel in the tough life this girl has, show him how tough life really can be, show him why you always respect your mother because when you turn her against you you lose it all. Time for action OP.
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