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anonymous
writes: I am a father of two.My 15-year-old son has been suspended from school over allegations he started a fight in the classroom which resulted in an innocent boy going to hospital.He refuses to discuss why he has aggression with us, and we don't know what to do.The school want to discuss his aggression with us - anyone got any strategies on dealing with aggression?Craig in Glasgow Reply to this Question
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (15 February 2006):
 Hang on Craig. Have these allegations been proven and do you know for definate your son was the aggressor and not acting in self defence?
Before any punishment is meted out find out the FACTS. Nothing is guarranteed to alienate your child more than you blindly going about disciplining him if it was 6 of one and half adozen of the other.
After all it could have been your son in hospital.
Find out the facts first.x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2006): Take your son to his room and tell him how disappointed you are with him. You need to punish him, otherwise he'll keep doing it again and again, and you'll look like a bad parent again and again. Before you get annoyed with him, ask him why he did it, and depending on how serious it is, take action. If it's serious, take something he likes away from him (eg game consoles etc), or ground him, or even ban him from chocolate. Stop giving him pocket money if you give him any. Remember, if you want him to learn, stick to the punishment. Another good punishment is to not cook him any meals, then he has to cook his own. For example, if you ban him from game consoles for a week, don't give it back to him half way through the week.
One really good thing to do is to make him speak to the parents of the boy he hurt and say sorry.
When it comes to speaking with the school, say that you are totally shocked that he would behave this way, and you brought him up differently. Tell them that he is being punished at home, and you will make sure it won't happen again. Even if you didn't do anything, it's sometimes best to say sorry. What more can the school ask. If they do ask anything else, just act normally and say what you really think, because that way you won't land yourself in any sticky situations. Lot of love! xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2006): Craig, Something serious is happening with your son. And yes, this is definitely the time that you need to step in with an intervention. Teenage boys who act out through aggression and fighting, have behaviors that need evaluation and help. Something deeply painful is happening in his life-such as social problems at school, drugs, alcohol, bad friends, etc. A relationship with a teenager is about connection and love, tempered with firmness, increasing headaches and responsibility for many parents. It's a tough road to go but sometimes teens react to life’s negativity with huge bomb-sized negativity of their own. Both you and your wife need to sharpen your team parenting skills and your son needs a safe place to blow off his anger.
Tell him you love him but his behaviour is wrong and your are concerned. Counseling with a person with experience with adolescents would be a start. Call your MD and have your son tested for drugs and alcohol. At least you’ll know whether he needs to become involved in a drug/alcohol rehabilitation. In my opinion, you should provide clear rules and expectations for your son. Contact the local ToughLove chapter in your area to get some help in setting boundaries for your son. This is the time to jump in with consistent firmness, and take a tough stance in order to have the boundries be effective -not one, two or ten years into this behavior. Your son sounds like he’s in the throes of a major teen rebellion. This sometimes happens. It could get a lot worse. Going to family counselling for all of you as being the best pro-active step you can take now. Before you have an angry runaway on you hands. Don’t wait-nip it in the bud, now. Good luck, Craig and realize, we know you love him but it sounds like he need guidance, direction, love and a sense of purpose. Take Care
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