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female
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anonymous
writes: Hello, me and my sister have both put on weight. We both used to be a size 12 we are now a 14 - 16 but are happy and content. The thing is, all the family are slagging us off. My mom finds it embarrassing that we have put on so much she is forever telling me that I could be a model if I lost loads of weight, because a lot of people said that. But when I split with my boyfriend I piled on the weight. I just feel so angry at my mom because her boyfriend calls her fat and said he will pay for her to have a tummy tuck. I will be getting ready to go out, feeling good, then she will say how fat I am and how I used to get all the blokes. Or I'll text her telling her I met a lad and then she will start saying start "lose weight". It just hurts me that my family can be like this. It is not like we have committed a huge crime; we put weight on. She says it to push us into doing something but I just feel sick thinking of all the things she says. We get on really well apart from that. Why does she do this and why do people treat you differently just because a bit of weight? Thank you
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2006): In my humble oppinion, a size 14-16 woman is the ideal healthy shape. Be yourself and be healthy!
A
female
reader, gemmac +, writes (31 January 2006):
 Hi, i think what your family are saying to you is very unfair. Can you tell me how old you are as you sound as if you are quite old enough to make your own desicions. Your weight is your business and if your happy then that is the end of it. I think that i would help if you sat down and talked to your mum about how it makes you feel when she says these things. The more they go on at you the worst itll be. When you want to lose some wait you will. And besides a 14-16 size isnt big anyway. I hope this helps feel free to contact me for more advice. Gemma
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (31 January 2006):
 Provided neither your sister's health nor your own is especially compromised by your extra kilos, I'd suggest you treat this motherly intervention in the same way you would if she were to offer any other unwanted comment: "Thanks for your advice. I'm glad you care about me". Then ignore her.
If you and your sister aren't living under your mother's roof -- in fact, even if you are -- you're entitled to live your own lives, as long as you don't hurt anyone else. If that means you're a bit on the plump side, so what? It's not Mum's body, and if, as you say, you're both happy with your appearance, then you can feel free to ignore her comments.
As to her motivation, I'd say that she has a mental image of what you "should" look like (that is, what she thinks you should look like), and you're not conforming to it. If you're still relatively young, say in your teens or 20s, then it's likely that Mum hasn't gotten out of the habit of trying to influence your health habits. She's just doing what she's always done. Eventually she'll "unlearn" to interfere, but you can help her along by showing her that you're healthy and happy and not really interested in her opinion, by smiling and not letting her make an issue of it.
This is one of those times when you can be polite-yet-firm with your mother. "Thanks. I'm glad you're looking out for me, but I'm happy as I am" is a perfectly acceptable response to "You're fat". Repeat as needed until she gets the message or gets tired, whichever occurs first.
Take care!
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