A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have a 14 year old daughter and if you looked at her (the way she dresses her makeup and how she acts) you would think she's at least 16. This doesn't worry me, she's very mature and beautiful and most people can't believe she's just 14. She's never had a boyfriend and says shed rather consontrate on school (I'm not sure if she likes anyboys or not if I ask she gets embarrassed and says no).But recently she's been getting a lot of attention from older boys.My brother inlaws friends son is 18 and came round and privately asked my brother in law if she was currently in a relationship or if he could ask her out. My brother in laaw said she's just 14 and told him to stay away its not just this incident but I saw a 17 year old oggling her and my husbands younger work colleague said he'd date her (he's 19) whenever we go out people stare at her and I think she likes the attention.my daughter knows about all these.I don't mind her having a boyfriend but one her own age please. She says no one in her year likes her as a friend never mind something more what can I do?
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female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (13 August 2013):
 Your child will get attention from older teens of the opposite sex because as you've said she looks beyond her years. She will attract attention. It will continue to happen.WiseOwl, i don't really agree with you. The girl isn't immature just because she's 14, you'd be surprised at how quickly kids mature these days. We're not in those 'you're 14, you're a kid, shut up you're to be seen and not heard' days. If the kid wants to wear make up let her as long as its natural looking and not over the top, she is still a teen. Mom should allow her to dress as she pleases as long as its age appropriate.OP, you should just focus on strengthening your relationship with your daughter. Be her best friend while letting her remember that you are MOM first and foremost. This will ensure that in future she will ask your opinion and your advice on bfs and other issues. Have a relationship where she can confide in you. As far as people looking at her goes, they will look whether you like it or not. As long as they look and don't touch. If you build a strong relationship then she will let you know when she's ready to date. Apart from that, there's nothing you can really do about it. You can't work on the guys out there but you can work on your daughter. Show her to look after herself, respect and love herself and all will be well. With your guidance, your daughter will become a respectable young woman with good morals and values and that's the role you should look to play in her life. Like I've said, you can do nothing about the people out there but you can be the best parent to your daughter.Goodluck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2013): There is not much you can do but educate her. I had very open conversations with my daughter who was very mature at 12.
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female
reader, MsSadie  +, writes (13 August 2013):
 When I read "older guys" I was thinking you meant guys who are like 35 and older. What you're actually describing is teenage boys doing what teenage boys do: ogle. Remember adolescence is basically all about budding sexuality.
Your daughter is 14. She's blossoming into a woman physically and emotionally. Maybe she's not thinking about dating right now, but I assure you that she will be very soon. Aside from locking her in your attic or purchasing a chastity belt, there is very little that you can do about this except give her the tools and knowledge to go into the world of dating/relationships/sex safely and wisely. And if you do try to stop her, the results will range from a resentful daughter to a socially-awkward one.
As for the answer that asked "where's the father?" and seemed surprised that a 14 year old likes to wear makeup and cute clothes... OP, I encourage to heed the advice of the women who answer this question as we calm your fears and remind you of what it is to be a teenage girl.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 August 2013):
 As rare as this is, I totally disagree with WiseOwlE. FWIW I had my first child at 24 after 2+ years of marriage so that comment about having her in your teens was uncalled for.
Secondly it sounds very much like you have a GREAT relationship with your daughter.. KEEP asking about those boyfriends or feelings. We are not Amish where our courtships are hidden and I believe that girls need to know they can go to their moms about ANYTHING without fearing being judged or yelled at. Good for you mom.
At 14 I looked nearly 18… I had a great figure it was the 70s and my father used to walk a few steps behind me on the beach and when guys/men came up to me (I was clueless as to their ages) he would smile at them and say “she’s 14” and they would LEAVE. I was not quite sure what was going on… so I get your concerns and your dilemma.
I think that you can’t lock her away but you can prepare her for the onslaught and just let her know that you are aware that it’s NOT her fault that she looks mature… that you appreciate that she dresses demurely and continue to explain that boys/men MAY take advantage of her and you are not so worried about HER behavior but rather, their behavior AND their ability to manipulate her due to her age.
It’s very hard for parents of mature looking girls… I commend you for being on top of it and worrying about it… keep those lines of communication open.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (13 August 2013):
 A lot of older men may be looking if she has a nice chest. It makes her look older. If thats the case have her dress more conservatively.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (13 August 2013):
 There is not a lot you can do really - and just try and trust your daughter that she is not interested in boys and wont be interested in these older boys giving her attention.
You could also have a talk with her, explain to her that because of the way she looks she looks older than she actually is, so when boys see her they think she is older too and might pay her more attention than they should because of the age difference. Explain why you feel age gap relationships are wrong and why she shouldnt date older boys - most people dont see the harm in an age gap of 3 or 4 years and your daughter might not see any harm in it either so you need to explain why you have a problem with it.
FYI - when I was 15 I had my first ever boyfriend and he was 17. I am not a delinquent, I never got pregnant, I never went off the rails - I'm a normal person and dating a boy that was 3 years older than me did no harm.
I do get that you dont want her at 14 going out with a 19 year old, that would be wrong and the boys have to be accountable here - she is very much underage and they will get into a lot of trouble by trying to date her. But in a year or so's time there isnt so much of a problem in her dating a boy slightly older, it is quite natural for girls to date boys that are older simply because men mature slower than girls so to meet someone with a similar level of maturity as a girl you need to meet someone older.
But for now while she is only 14, have a chat with her and tell her your fears about these older boys - and then you can only hope that she is sensible with the attention she gets and doesnt get lured in by it.
You cannot wrap her up in cotton wool, if she's a pretty girl she is going to get attention, you just have to trust that you brought her up well and she knows right from wrong.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2013): I don't like the first comment. I'm 40 I had her at 26 and yes her father is out of the picture he died soon after she was five.I don't push her but if she was to say yes to having a boyfriend I would redo the safe birds and bees talk and remind her she is 14. Its not how much make up its the way she does it. Its always a natural look a touch of foundation and mascara. She doesn't dress slutty she where's mature clothes ( I have the same clothes in different colors) I am not stupid I was raped once and I'm not going to let anything like that happen to my daughter. I can't keep her away from older boys we live on a farm and my husbands fixes machinery so MEN always come round to talk to him. I can't lock her away forever in a cage.
Thanks for the other comment though highmaintenence101 I really appreciate it
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2013): If you're a responsible mother, you will keep your daughter well supervised.
If she says she isn't interested in a boyfriend, leave her alone about it.
What kind of a question is that for a mother to be asking a 14 year-old child anyway?
She is by no means mature! Why is she dressing and wearing makeup for an older girl? Maybe she needs her mother for proper guidance.
Who buys her clothes and makeup?
Her brain is still developing, and it is not at the stage to be that interested in boyfriends. Physical development can be well ahead of a child's psychological development.
The world is filled with perverts and crafty young men.
If she is pushed too far, too fast; it can be very traumatic for her. It could cause mental scarring.
Apparently her father isn't in the picture. You don't seem to have things under control. I worry something bad is going to happen.
Back off that child about boyfriends, and behave your own age.
Stop basking in the attention for yourself. She has personally told you she is not interested in having a boyfriend.
Here is a suggestion.
How about making her dress appropriately for her age, less makeup, and keeping her away from older boys?
That child is not the only one whose brain is still in early stages of development.
I gather you had her when in our own teens.
LADY AUNTS PLEASE ANSWER THIS ONE QUICKLY!!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2013): Hi there.
I think your daughter and i should change position because i happened to get attention from younger guys.
Just kidding.
Well, i think what you need to do is just to trust your daughter. Just always remind her how boys are but in a mother-daughter lovely pleasant way.
I do understand how you feel, you just wanted what is best for her and protect her. she is only 14 after all. and of course older boys might just play with her feelings.
What I can advise you to do is always remind your daughter how you love her and your proud of her.
You know that someday she can be somebody. But she need to take care of her self and don't think about boys at this early.
Be her friend, so that she will tell you what bothers her.
And you can always help and protect her in a nice manner.
it will ease your worries.
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