A
female
age
30-35,
*onfused kuri
writes:i've known my boyfriend for 4years now, recently been going out, we've been together for a year and a half. recently he asked me for oral sex, which i did promise him but only because i was going away on holiday and i didnt want him to cheat. now that he has asked for it, i cant bring myself to giving him it and my relationship is falling apart because. i come from a good muslim family and oral sex is considered as a "lewd" act.what shall i do?shall i tell him "no" and lose him, or do it and make him happy.help please
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muslim, on holiday, oral sex Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2012): @ Mariam
Ur a good person.... Ur husband is a lucky bloke even though he behaves like an animal with u... I feel sorry for his mates wives if they have to put up wit there behaviour. I feel for u n think u shud learn to please each otha but find a medium wer u both satisfy each otha without him treatin badly.. He is not allowed to in Islam beat u up... I wonder how he wud feel if u put ur bottom on his face n made him lick ur bum.
U can email me for more help on [email address blocked]
A
female
reader, Aroush Haseeb +, writes (4 April 2011):
Salam A Lay Kum Sister,I really want to assist you out of this dilemma.First of all in Islam its not permitted to have sex outside marriage or if your unmarried. Second, it is also not permitted to have a boyfriend, and your job as a Muslim woman is to stay modest and not to engage in sexual activities, such as touching each other, hugging, kissing etc. You must remain virgin! Protect yourself now or never, I suggest that if you really love him, you get engaged (By all means ask your parents first)And engaged if your the right age.Once you marry him then there's a chance of Oral sex. Otherwise you can't be a unmarried female and do this. Well you will keep a good reputation Of your family and if he prosper in religion. You too will prosper in Heaven. Allah knows best.Wasalam al lay kum
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2010): The Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him said, "There is to be no harm or reversal of harm." (You don't do things to harm others and others don't do things to harm you.)
The Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him said, "Obedience is ONLY in that which is lawful to the Lord."
The Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him said, "There is NO obedience to ANY of the creation when it involves disobedience to the Lord."
So fear the Lord and get married to a righteous man and stop living in sin by engaging in fornication. If any of you women marry a man and he DEMANDS or THREATENS you to do all types of degrading and tasteless acts (urinating in your mouth and licking his anus and other demeaning acts such as this)then you fear your Lord and get rid of him if he won't take advice from the imaam right away and abandon these evil acts. The Lord has said in the Quraan "Whoever fears their Lord (do what he has asked them to do and stay away from his prohibited things) then He will provide for them a way to get out of a difficult situation. And HE will provide for them from sources that they could have never imagined." So women DO NOT FEAR getting rid of weak husbands who force you to do things that are degrading, shameful and prohibited in Islaam. You deserve much better. Get rid of these types of men and marry righteous Muslim men. AND DON'T EVEN HESITATE.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): plz sister if u are a muslim girl so u should not get near to him if u love him more then your life too until u havent got marry then after marry u can do anything that he want ok
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male
reader, tenjeeuk +, writes (30 October 2010):
Oh dear, yet another one saying they come from a "good" Muslim family worried about one lewd act whilst overlooking the bigger wrong of their situation. Really, having a boyfreind/girlfriend, being intimate outside of marriage and a much bigger concern. Why mention being muslim at all - it celarly doesn't have any baring on your thinking? Isn't having sex outside of marriage lewd and shameful for muslims to a greater degree?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2010): I am seventeen and I have only been married for a few weeks. My husband is thirty, but his other wife died in an accident and my parents arranged for me to go to Pakistan and marry him. He is a good man and because he is my uncle’s brother my family know that he will treat me well.
My problem is that I don’t know much about sex, he has been married before for a long time and now he has not been with a woman for a long time since his wife died. He needs everything he had before and I am not sure really how to look after him.
We hardly had any time on our own in Pakistan but now we are in the UK we have our own room in my uncle’s house so it is easy to be private and my husband wants sex every day. Sometimes several times. That is OK and I mostly quite like it, but I didn’t know all the things to do and he isn’t always happy if I don’t get it right.
When I have my menstruation my husband sits over my face and I must put my tongue in his bottom. I have to lick him there as hard as I can until he is ready to put his penis in my mouth and then I must suck until I swallow his cum. He likes this if I don’t spill it or choke. He always puts his penis in my mouth at the beginning of sex and he says that I don’t use my tongue enough yet and I have got to learn to take it all the way into my throat. Now, when he gets my hair and pulls my face onto him, I choke and sometimes I have been sick. Will I be able to learn to do this properly, or is there something wrong with me that I cannot do it how I should.
Before we married I didn’t know about having it in my mouth or having to lick his bottom. Nobody told me that. He says that it is halal and every wife must do it, but none of them have ever spoken to me about it.
He has brought home a bamboo cane that his friend gave to him and he says that he will give me a bit longer to learn how to suck properly, but then he will have to train me with some punishment if I don’t do well enough. I know it is right for my husband to discipline me and my father used to do it when I was younger, but I am embarrassed that my husband may have been discussing our sex with his friends. I want him to be proud of me as a good wife and not be seen as having to be helped by his friends to get me to do my job properly.
My husband doesn’t ever mention his other wife and I am pleased about that because he might think that I am not as good as her, but I know that the men talk about things when they are together.
Only yesterday I was alone in the kitchen getting some food and four of them were talking and laughing in the next room. I went to the door and listened. I heard my husband’s friend Tariq say that he was going to go up to the bathroom in a minute and they should watch because he would cough as he passed the women’s room. His wife would then follow him up to the bathroom and he would pee in her mouth instead of in the toilet. I couldn’t hear anything more after that because they were all talking and laughing at once, but when I was bringing out some food about five or ten minutes later Tariq coughed quite loud on his way to the stairs. Nusrat got up straight away and followed him.
None of the women said anything and she looked normal when she came back. The men were all eating and chattering in the other room. I am just dying to talk to Nusrat about it, but I can’t. And what if my husband wants me to do that now. Is it even allowed in Islam?
I am a bit scared.
Mariam
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female
reader, confused kuri +, writes (15 March 2010):
confused kuri is verified as being by the original poster of the questionlong time to reply because i didnt have internet access anyways... told my bf that promise meant nothing because i didnt want him to cheat on me, so we started to argue and fight with each other. He used to call me names such as fridget and takes the piss outer me, anything i do he uses it to abuse me.
As i've stated before "he used to" not anymore, left his sorry ass and now im happier and im enjoying university. studying law at a london uni... going to sue his ass for libel and slander. thanks for your comments x
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reader, True*Blue +, writes (26 February 2010):
i have given oral to my other half because he wanted it, but i didn't want to - i just wanted to please him and treat me good. i have given him oral regularly and he doesn't treat me any better, in fact worse. if he can't respect how you feel then trust me, you are better off without him. being muslim or not is not relevant. personally it made me feel dirty. heres a question - would he be willing to give it to you?
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reader, gem_leb  +, writes (13 September 2009):
you should think of it in a way that if he really loved you and want to be with you truely than he wouldnt ask you this favor in the beginning. This is a sin and you will be punished as well because you have the choice of saying No which is what you should say
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reader, Lo93  +, writes (29 August 2009):
 I think you should not do it ! because this relationship may end ! Even if you have oral sex !And you are a Muslim and if its forbidden then you should i accept this. You are responsible for every act that you do !! so just think about it twice and see the negative and positive effects it may have on you
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female
reader, pebble +, writes (24 April 2009):
 You should never have to promise a boyfriend oral sex to stop him cheating. This is not what relationships should be built on. If there is no trust and you think he might cheat then you two should not be together.
If you do not want to perform oral sex then DO NOT do it. You shouldn't allow yourself to feel pressured to do anything you don't want to do. Do what is right for you. If you feel that your religion is too precious to scarifice then say no to him and tell him to get lost. You cannot live your life for other people otherwise you'll always be in these kinds of situations and you'll never be properly happy. Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2009): honey i am muslim,
ORAL IS 100% RELIGION FREINDLY but it must be with your husband as any other seuxal act,
in islam between a man and his wife all sexual acts are 100% halal
except ANAL and there are some scholars who even approve anal is halal but again as any devine religeon sexual acts must be between wife and husband,
just wanted to clear things out to you,
all the best ,have fun and good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2009): If he really cares about you then he won't mind waiting until your ready and if he won't then he isn't worth the time to worry about. Once you lose respect for yourself it's hard to get back and you seem like a very nice, respectful person who deserves only the best & you shouldn't let anyone pressure you. Besides, oral sex is a very personal act that should be shared because you want to, not because you have to. Hope it all goes well and stick to your guns on this one!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2009): it's against islam to have oral, is your religion more important or your boyfriend.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2009): Only do what you want to do. On one hand, if he respects you he will go only as far as you feel comfortable with, and will be patient until you are ready. If he doesn't then ditch him. On the other hand, maybe you should have more faith in your boyfriend. In future don't make empty promises, sexual or otherwise.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2009): It doesn't matter what religion you are - if you don't want to do something, for whatever reason, you simply don't do it. Giving him oral sex wouldn't be the least bit effective in stopping him cheating. If he wanted to, and the opportunity arose, he'd cheat anyway.
If you were to lose him because you refused to do this he isn't worth bothering with anyway and you'd be better off looking for someone with more respect for your feelings.
However, promising to do something that you had no intention of doing was a bad idea in the first place.
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