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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Hi,i have an odd problem with my mum which i hope to get some advice on.Over the years i have had to deal with alot of anxiety issues and panic attacks. For a while i became almost recluse and all my mum did was nag and told me to get over it and be more independant etc...Anyway i found a good doctor and slowly overcame my attacks and started living a reletavly normal life....going out,working.Now the other day it was so warm and the sun was out i decided to go for a walk..by myself in to town-about 15 min walk and my mum turns round and says "You sure you can walk by yourself? is it safe?" Now im 26 and know how to cross roads but her comment triggered negative thoughs again and i decided against going.Why does she moan at me to be independant and get a life and when i do try something for myself she put negative thoughts in my head? Its not the 1st time either,on the bank holiday weeken a group of friend invited me out for the day...a drive in the country and a picnin and mum said "becareful in the car, wear your seatbelt...dont eat anything thta might make you ill" Arrgghh!!Any advice on how to deal with her? I have tried telling her that her comments dont help and then she gets angry and shouts at me. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (24 April 2009):
 I have a suggestion...move out, get a place of your own or with understanding friends. You seem to have made huge progress with your anxiety disorder and it helps to be around positive people. Your mother may have liked the fact that when you were ill you were heavily dependent on her - it may have made her feel appreciated and needed. However, you have reached a time in your life when perhaps you ought to be thinking of setting up home for yourself and it may have therapeutic benefits as you will have no choice but to fend for yourself then.
A
male
reader, THesunny  +, writes (24 April 2009):
Hi i think ur mum is doing what all our mum do,like big elders think they always want to treat us like we have not grown up.i can only say u rlucky gal to have asuch caring mother. try to be more communicative with her.
its bugging u beacuse you dont share ur thoughts much with her,like afriend.
and she wants more share on the part of ur life.te ll her something to convince her that u can take care of urslef, when evr she tells u anything.She may be right most of time And there is nothing wrong in taking extra care of urself.
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A
female
reader, cattatonic  +, writes (24 April 2009):
 Well, I didn't grow up with a mother or a father, however I know my best friend would have similar issues with her mother. Her mom could say "I hate that perfume" or "I hate those earrings" and she would never wear them again. Her mother was a great mom, but possibly had jealousy issues with her. Maybe this is the case with your mom?
As far as the anxiety goes, I have it too and even take meds for it because it gets so bad at time...it is certainly nothing to joke about or make someone feel bad about. Its a very frustrating condition because you can't really control it.
Hope this helps :)
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