A
male
age
36-40,
*ick2902
writes:My situation is this. I have fell in love with a girl. she is 22 years old, i am 26, she is muslim and i am 'well' Nothing lol. so thats us. Now the problems. Because im not muslim, does this matter? my brother married a muslim girl and he converted to muslim to prove he loved her. I would do this for her because this really is love, we talk till silly hours in the morning, and miss each other constantly. I would convert to prove that i love her. infact i would die for her to show that she is the only one for me and with out her im nothing. But the big problem comes in now. Im not married and never was. however my ex girlfriend's became pregnant with my kids and i choose to support them and not to run away from my commitments. i love my kids and i made the right choice. unfortunatly, i was cheated on by the first partner and the second one was not very nice to my eldest child in a bad way, so for the safety of my little girl i choose not to continue with the relationship as i put my child first. Now, where does that actually leave me? i love this girl and she tells me the same. but because i got cheated on and my ex is a psycho, does this mean i cant be accepted by a muslim family???? this is the uk, its a multi cultered country, muslims dont like to be treated different but for some reason, if a white guy falls in love with a muslim, its not accepted why????????
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male
reader, nick2902 +, writes (27 November 2010):
nick2902 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just dont get the whole thing, she never met my kids because i never get to see them anyway, the kids live with the mothers, i would never put the girl through that. never.
I just want to go to her house and tell her that i love her. infront of her mum. but its the idea that i had sex with another girl to make a child and the fact that i did it before i got married, then i also think that its because im not in there lives now, its a big risk for her mum to take. xxx
A
female
reader, Miss.Me  +, writes (27 November 2010):
 She may be born and raised in England, but her parents' culture can still be the dominant one. For example, if she's from the southeast Asia area, there could be an arranged marriage that might happen; if from Turkey/any Arabic country, there is a big thing about honor and family name so they would want a suitor that is from the same village/country.
Anyways, has she mentioned to her parents that she was seeing someone? If they didn't disapprove of that, then there would have come a time when you could meet the parents and let them see you firsthand. That way you could show them what a good guy you are.
I forgot to say this before: if this girl has already formed a relationship with your kids, as in she loves them and treats them as her own kids, then her parents couldn't possibly break that up. A bond formed between child and parent is hard to be broken. But if she isn't a part of your kids' life even now, then her parents will feel like she's throwing her life away taking care of someone else's kids. Harsh but true.
If what you had with this girl was real love, then I hate to hear you're calling it quits.
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A
male
reader, nick2902 +, writes (27 November 2010):
nick2902 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe is from london, born and bread.
Its not a culture thing, its just the fact that she wont aprove of me.
so because we know it cant form into anything stronger, we had to call it a day. and that was within the last hour of writing this responce.
I am so hurt.
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A
female
reader, Miss.Me +, writes (27 November 2010):
I don't think her mother will oppose you for having kids. A lot of marriages happen between Muslim or non-Muslim people who already have kids. Now, her family could think you slept around a bit promiscuously, but show that you changed and that their daughter is the only woman you want to be with from now.
What does your girlfriend say about you having kids? If she doesn't mind taking care of them, her mother shouldn't have anything to say either. If you had thrown your kids away, forgotten about them, then the girl's family would have formed a very negative opinion of you. But you are showing that you love your kids and that's going to put you in a good light.
Can I ask where your girlfriend is from originally? Knowing that I think I could help you a little more.
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A
male
reader, nick2902 +, writes (26 November 2010):
nick2902 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis girl actually went to a church of England school, so how much they follow islamic rules i dont know. My point is i would do anything to be with her, because i dont have a faith, i could believe in a god should the god show me a way in which i agree with.
Now the thing is i still have two kids for what ever reason, i dont regret them because i love them and hand on heart, i would respect someone else who is in that situation.
But would her mum see my point of view? understand? and accept me?. i really would do anything to gain her aproval.
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A
female
reader, Miss.Me +, writes (26 November 2010):
That you have kids won't phase the family as much as the fact that you're not Muslim. In the Islamic faith, Muslim women and non-Muslim men can't marry (I won't get into the reasoning here), therefore they shouldn't enter to relationships together. But like the anon poster said, it really depends on how religiously conservative or progressive the family.
You said you would be willing to convert. Although that action would show how devoted you are to the girl, I personally don't think you should "sham-convert." I mean, yeah you could be called a Muslim, but if you don't really believe in the Islamic faith you'll be fooling yourself and everyone else.
Again, you having kids from previous relationships isn't a big deal. It's actually great that you're willing to be part of your kids' lives; I believe the girl's family will see it that way as well.
Has the girl mentioned to her family that she's seeing someone?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2010): I think it depends on the family. My husband is from Morocco, where they are pretty open. I was married before and his family accepts me with no problem. On the subject of religion, my husband would love if I converted, but I have no plans to as I'm pretty much agnostic.
Get to know her family as soon as you can so that you know how they feel.
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