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male
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anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid,Is it possible that a mother tries to destroy self-esteem of her own child (son) when her wishes aren't fulfilled or sees her son not behaving like her pet? My mother makes me feel like her dog who is there for her entertainment. Earlier I wasn't mature enough to understand this, but now I have realized that my relationship with my mother was one-sided, with me always trying to make all the efforts to please her and keep her happy. She would give back something only if she felt pleased enough. I have lost my motivation trying to please her now and I want to live my life in my own way and find a girl for myself. But she doesn't like this either and wants to have control over all my desires. How do I deal with such a self-centered and stubborn mother? Reply to this Question
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reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (17 September 2005):
 Do what you must to stay sane, thats my advice. Looks like you've been putting up with this for far too long and will soon go cranky if you dont do something about it! I believe because she is your mum and will always be, you should first tell her how you're feeling, but honestly, I doubt she will even listen, and in the event that really happens, you should move out to get your peace of mine. Do not treat this as something minor, neither let anyone tell you it is, as this has something to do with your self esteem and slef confidence!!! Good luck.
A
male
reader, rockmanco2 +, writes (16 September 2005):
Ok this is harsh but dont be a mamma's boy. You are a grown ass man and she dosent see you as one or she prefers not too. In her eyes you owe her something for all the years she took care of you.... you dont owe her s*@t!! My sugestion is you just leave go get an apartment, pack your thing if you dont have a car try and buy one. What ever you do dont keep going through this self distruct cycle that is being prapetuated by you controlling mother.
Also find your self a girl that you share interest in, but whatever you dont seek out one who is exactly like your mom. I suggest online dateing if you dont have the confidence to cruise the whole dateing seen. In the end neveer lat a women control your life, you'll end up hateing your self more then you hate her.
Good Luck
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reader, pops +, writes (16 September 2005):
Leave home. And don't call her. The distance will do you both good. I am sure that your mother has provided you with much, but since you can't see that, living on your own will help clear the eyes, and all help you gain some much needed self respect. You can do this. And, its time for mom to learn to live without a son she can boss around. You don't mention a father, so she may have been doing to you what she did to your father. If he is alive, contact him, and ask him, man to man, what's up with your mother. That may help you resolve a lifetime of emotional abuse. If he's isn't available, contact his family, friends, etc. and ask them the same questions. People who knew your parents before the split may be very revealing.
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A
female
reader, muziklovinanimal +, writes (16 September 2005):
dude, i am in exactly the same position.. my mum hated my last girlfriend, and my girlfriend tried telling me wot she was like but i argued with her constantly over it, thinking the sun shined out of my mothers backside and she would never manipulate me.
as iv got older i am now startin to realise my ex was right. my mother trys to control me and plays a guilt trip if i actually stand up for myself.
u have to stand ur ground and draw a line, please ur mum as much as YOU want to, and when she over steps the mark, stand up for urself! ...YOU have to draw the line or it will go on for as long as u let it. you m ay feel like ur neglecting her or a big sense of guilt, but u got to stand up n face it or she will foreva control ur life.
good luck.
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