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female
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anonymous
writes: I hope that this question will not be out of place here. My sister, brother and myself decided that we needed to put my mom in a seniors home due to her Alzheimers. She had been living with my sister but my sister needs to travel due to business obligations. My mom has only been in there a few days but is lonely, confused and disoriented. She does not like it and I do not know what to do. My sister has gone off to the beaches somewhere and mom is really upset. Mom has her own pension as she worked until she was sixty five and I wondered if there was something for seniors that was halfway between a retirement/nursing home and a situation where she would still be living in her own home. I also wondered what I could say to cheer her up...maybe there are some of you out there who have worked with seniors. Also..although she is in her early eighties...she looks a lot younger and just does seem to be fitting in because of that also. Any replies greatly appreciated. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2006): im so sorry your mum is having such a horrible time. im sure it is a drain upon you all as a family. my mum is cognitively aware but she is severly disabled and totally relies upon others for her every need.i was told she needed care that i could not provide and we both felt let down by our healthcare team. mum was in hospital and a care home for years before coming home to her own home. i found a kindly social worker who told me on the quiet what i needed to ask for, so i hope this will help you too. request a care manager. this is a person who will oversee your mums needs and ensure her care requirements are met. they will arrange for occupational therapists to carry out safety assesments for you and your mum and deliver equipment that may help your situation and keep your mum safe. district nurses can call daily to ensure medication is given. home helps can provide meals and help with household chores.this would be provided by social workers. carers can be provided as many times as necessary daily to help with her personal hygiene and toilet needs.this is not without its pitfalls though as some teams are better than others and you many need to change a few until you find one you are all happy with. there is also a sitting service available through social workers where a trained person will sit with your mum for a few hours to give you a break. there is usually a waiting list for this service however you can request a befriender in the meantime. these are ordinary people who have volunteered to visit elderly vulnerable people and chat with them and make tea etc. my 81 year old aunt has alzheimers and is able to live at home with these measures in place because we knew what to ask for. i hope this can be of some help to you all. every situation is different so i suggest you speak with your family doctor who could advise you better. good luck. i will be thinking of you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2006): I really do feel for you. My mam is now 96 and only looks in her 70s. I had to put mum in a care home when she was 90. I could have her live with me. She fell and broke her hip and couldn't possibly live in her house on her own. I lived 200 miles away at the time. My mam hated the care home at first. She used to cry every time i went, it nearly broke my heart and still does, but i can't look after her and couldn't then. It's easy said, but don't beat yourself up. Try and find a place that is warm, homely and friendly. Stay away from the BUPA related places and go for the family run ones. Seek as much help (Social Services) as you can, cos it is very expensive. Even try Citizens Advice they came up with a couple of good care homes. Ask around. If she can live in her own home with help going in, but remember it isn't cheap. Maybe if help goes in and you all chip in with a few hours per week. It can be very draining.
I wish you very well. I;ve been there and it;s not easy.
Do Take Care with whatever decision you come to but don't blame yourself.
xx
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