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male
,
anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid,This is a problem I am trying to understand. I am 24 yrs old guy and I live away from my family for various reasons. My mother was operated for womb cancer before five years and her womb was removed. She has become quite a cynic and negative person since then. She keeps thinking about negative things in life like cancer always kills, world is not a better place to live. To be honest, this is the same person who was holding the family strong in difficult times. She has been so much of a support and source of motivation all my life. She would make me strong in the most difficult of milestones in my life. But over the past few years, my relationship with her is becoming bitter. Her negative thinking frustrates me and when I talk about it to her,she starts criticizing me as well for no reasons. She makes immature comments about me that are personal and hurtful and even makes me feel guilty about myself. She has had a bad relationship with my father as they had sexual relationship problems. They keep fighting most of the times. All this upsets me a lot.She wants to depend on me but at the same time she doesn't accept me for who I am. As I am becoming independent now, she is becoming insecure about me and her immature behaviour keeps me at a distance from her.I just call her once in a while now as I am very much annoyed with all this and can't take any more blows on myself. Is there any way the situation can be improved?
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reader, pops +, writes (3 September 2005):
She is your father's wife. Talk to him, and help him deal with the problem. He needs to get her into therapy, and he can start by talking to her doctors who removed her " womb ". If she had a full hysterectomy, they also removed her ovaries, and she is therefor not producing estrogen. She should be on some kind of replacement therapy. The absense of that hormone may explain her changes in demeanor. Stay out of it. This is a job for your father. Just because she has had a serious brush with death does not excuse her rude behavior towards you. Call her on it. Nicely, and respectfully. She is your mother, after all. However, if she does not curb her tongue, then stay away from her, and do not respond to her calls. She will get the message, and learn. Had to do this with my mother, and then, only my sister's intervention got my mother to shut up when I was around! It took a number of years, but my relationship with my mother improved finally.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2005): Why don't you send a letter to her to explain about how you feel? She shouldn't have negative thoughts as she is wasting her life thinking about them. If this doesn't work then talk to your dad to tell her about it.
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