A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is 20 years older than me. He is 45 and I am 25. His family has excluded me from family events. My boyfriend got upset because recently his family had a reunion but didn't invite me. Now.. he realized on his own that his family does not approve of our relationship. My boyfriend also told me that his sister asked him when will he dump me and made comments like he is a dirty old man! His parents seem okay with me but his sisters have never made the effort to talk to me. I get angry glances from them even when I'm with him. He is getting frustrated and upset with the issue and he is taking his anger on me. When I bring up the subject he tells me not you... everybody has a fucking problem! I really need good advice... don't know how to handle the situation! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, unmeidaagonyaunt +, writes (6 June 2011):
 If your boyfriend will not stand up to his family on your behalf and takes his anger out on you, you have bigger problems in store than just the issue of how his family treats you.
You should be able to come to your boyfriend and talk about issues that bother you without feeling like he is taking his anger out on you. You may want to think about whether you want to spend much more time with this man, especially since he is already halfway to 50 years old. In my experience, the way a person is tends to be set by the time they hit 40, so you are in a situation where people are getting angry at you and the likelihood is that they cannot or will not fix their end of the problem.
Good luck to you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2011): Wow. People can be... well... anyway... As a 40 year old, I never seriously considered dating a 25 year old until recently.
What I would suggest to you is this: Think hard about how you will feel when you are 45 and he is 60. Big difference there.
If that doesnt bother you, then what about when you are 65, and he is 80!
I'm only asking because its important to both of you. As for the rest of them... Well you can't print what I have to say about their judging you guys.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2011): It sucks, but if you react in any way less than absolutely perfect to this situation then the family is just going to take that as proof that you shouldn't be together.As you doubtlessly know it's rather taboo to be in such a relationship. I do think that if you prove to them that this is more than a fling that they will EVENTUALLY come round. How long were you together before he broke it to his family? Me and my bf (who is twelve years older than me) were together for pretty much six-seven months before he told them. When you have a bit of time to back up your relationship the age gap just doesn't seem so bad.Whatever you do, don't nag your bf about this. It isn't his fault that they're reacting like this. He's going to feel conflicted enough.When these guys don't invite you to a family event, unless you have been together for a year + I would simply respect their wishes and not attend. However, any more than that you should expect to be invited. If they don't invite you to something you feel you should be a part of, give his mother or father (pick the weaker one) a phone and politely (VERY politely), and calmly inquire why you didn't get an invitation. If it's a wedding or something and there's written invitations, you could egg it up a little by suggesting that it got lost in the post and you just want confirmation that you are in fact invited. It's unlikely that they'll decline you if their only objection is your age. Almost no one is quite that rude to say no!!!When at such events, its hard, but greet hostility with the best manners you have. And when you get there, approach the worst offenders with a good attitude and greet them politely and in a friendly way and make small talk. If anyone ignores you now, then it will be clear to everyone that THEY'RE the ones who have the seriously bad attitudes.If nothing's coming up you could make a 'family,' dinner for his family and use that as a way to better get to know them and prove that you're a very mature young lady who's right for their boy.Even if his family don't come round immediately, you'll be making a huge effort which will mean the world to your bf.
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