A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Last week i was caught in the moment and kissed this guy that i really liked. But what i didn't know was his best friend who is my friend, liked me!? And now he (not the one i kissed) is being off and doesn't talk to me or even look at me!? In fact, last night i was hanging out with his friends for a while who are also my friends and he left when he saw me walk over, he didn't say hi or anything! Normally he always comes over to talk to me, but not this time... Then later during the night, we ran into them again and i got the impression that he didn't want to be there, he tried to get away as quick as he could by making an excuse of why he had to leave!? I don't get why he is being like this with me!? I did nothing wrong!! I actually liked his friend and he liked me and it was just a kiss!? It's not like i knew that this guy liked me too!? I don't know what to do, because now it's just awkward and uncomfortable being round him when i see him. We don't talk anymore or acknowledge each other!? Which is sad, because we used to get along great and have jokes together...But now, it's like he doesn't want to be around me, or even know me anymore! What have i done for him to be acting like this?
View related questions:
best friend Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2011): well im a guy nd i know what thats like!because most guys approach a girl,fail to make their intentions clear and get put into the friend zone,once the guy is in the friend zone its allmost impossabe to make the girl see the guy in anyother way but a friend!!!!hope this helps,ps i dont think he will talk to you again!:(
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys for your advice, it does make me see things better and realize how why he is being this way!
But 'Cerberus' you describe how he's feeling and why, but the thing is i don't know if he likes me that much... I mean does the way his acting mean that he did like me alot more than i thought and it wasn't just some little crush!?
And you also said 'this other dude is his friend and no doubt knows and knew he liked you before you kissed so he probably feels betrayed by him too' ...i don't know if the friend did know, they hang out in the same group but they aren't close. I mean do guys talk to other guys about girls they like or do they just keep it to themselves?
And last question you said that friendship is probably impossible. I mean of course i know being friends with someone you like and after they got with your friend is hard. But i'm not with that guy (his friend), it was just a moment thing. The guy who likes me, we used to get along great! So surely he'll soon get over it if i give him space and then we can go back to being friends again right?
Sorry about all the questions!!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2011): He's hurt OP that's all. He's not trying to hurt you or punish you or anything like that. He just feels crushed by what happened. It's no ones fault, not even his.
He can't stand to be around you after that because it always hurts to see a girl you have a crush on when you know she's been seeing other guys.
If he likes you this much then friendship is probably impossible. I mean what would you advise him to do in his situation?
I'll put it to you like this OP. Say one of your girlfriends was really hung up on a guy, she really really liked him, talked about him all the time, day dreamed about being with him etc. Now say she found herself in the situation where that guy had gotten with another girl and your friend was crushed, destroyed to the point where she felt pain just looking at him. What would you say to her to ease that pain? Knowing he doesn't like her that way and she won't ever be with him that way then what would you say to her? You'd probably tell her to do what this guy is doing and just stay away from him until she can get over her feelings.
Being friends with a crush is one big long horrible experience as you may have experienced yourself OP. Any shred of hope he had was dashed when you got with his friend. Now this other dude is his friend and no doubt knows and knew he liked you before you kissed so he probably feels betrayed by him too. Getting with friends crush is a shitty thing to do, you just don't do it.
So add those two things together and the guy is hurt in more ways than one, so it's very possible his passion for you is being redirected into contempt. Not at you personally nor as a person but just what you represent and how you make him feel.
...............................
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (5 June 2011):
Hi there. It seems like he is a bit jealous and feels a bit hurt.
He hoped that he had a chance with you, even though at the time you were just friends.
Now he feels like he has NO chance at all. It probably hadn't got the point with him where he told you he liked you more like a girlfriend than just a good friend. So he's naturally very disappointed.
The main thing is you have to ask yourself - "Who do I really like?"
Not just "like", but like in the romantic sense.
You said you really liked the guy you kissed.
But you are maybe feeling bad because you just found out your "friend" likes you romantically - but you didn't know till after the kiss incident.
This is the truth you have to work out. Who would you rather be with?
Do you feel more for the guy you kissed or the other guy who now avoids you?
When you can answer this question, then you can move forward from there. You need to be honest with yourself though.
You also need to talk to the upset guy, and put him in the picture. Otherwise, you might lose his friendship altogether. Just be honest - don't lie.
...............................
|
