A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Don't know what to do with the situation that i am in at the moment. Im with my fiancee 2 years, we're engaged about 12 months now, but 6 months ago we decided to buy a house and live together. I feel its the biggest mistake of my life. I dont really want to be with or live with her anymore. Shes really particular about things in the house and about what we do. She makes plans on important future things without even telling me and feels that I'll just agree to them. Whenever I answer her back about how I feel about issues in the house, our relationship or future, then it results in an argument and we dont speak for a while.Lately, shes talking about getting married and having a baby next year or year after and I just want to avoid the whole thing. Im not too sure how I feel about her. I think I just like her as a friend now that I know her more with living together the last 6 months. There are things that I want to pursue in life and I cant seem to as she brings me down at times that Im not there for her given her enough attention. Im always there, I havent had time to see my family or friends or do some of my hobbies. Really need some help with this as I just feel that Id rather get my life back the way it was before I met her. She believes that everything is fine. She says that she loves me and I love her but, I think as of lately only as a friend. My family think shes not good for me anymore as they can see that i'm very down in myself for the last month or two. What should I do?
View related questions:
engaged, fiance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, previasc96  +, writes (30 April 2008):
If you are unhappy now, things aren't going to get any better. She is a very dominant person. She wants to run the show. If that's not the type of relationship you want, then you should get out now! Don't set yourself up for a life time of unhappiness.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2008): dude, pull the plug and be prepared for the WORST (at least)3 months of your life... if you two don't have much equity in the home, maybe you can call it a wash and "sell" your portion to her.
...............................
A
male
reader, Richard_EMids  +, writes (29 November 2007):
 Your question is what should you do. OK -the situation is coming across loud and clear. Don't waste anymore time. Just tell her everything is off. Then jointly decide the practical arrangements for the house.
Good luck
Richard
N.B. If I were you I would use condoms from now on.
...............................
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (28 November 2007):
 Your relationship isn't working out anymore, and it doesn't seem like it will ever recover. Tell her what is going on, in an honest manner, and put an end to the relationship. It won't work. As Irish49 said, the sooner, the better, before any innocent children get hurt.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2007): Two things are going on, here. Either you genuinely don't love her or you both don't understand the huge efforts and work involved in making a committed relationship work. A relationship requires a ton of negotiation and mutual generosity/compromise. At your age, it is likely you fathom all that. So my guess is..she's not respecting you or meeting you halfway . You've grown resentful. You have a choice...if you feeling there is an inkling of love deep within you...you both need to talk and you need to explain to her what you want. If there is no love on your part and you want 'out'..then you need to tell her it's over. There is no point in letting this drag on. The sooner the better. Not everyone is compatible..that is the reality of life. But do this before you do feel obligated to marry and have babies. If you wait till then, your options will be severely lessened and innocent children could get hurt by the devastation of divorce. Good luck,
...............................
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (28 November 2007):
 Well it's going to be sticky for you financially since you bought this house together and there is no marriage document. You may have to end up selling the house if you guys split up because on your own, neither of you can probably afford it. Could you have actually fallen out of love with a woman you've invested 2 years of your life with, or are you simply going through the growing pains of merging households and the battles that come with it? Communication is the key. Stone walling gets neither of you anywhere and compromise is what makes things work out. You guys need to set some ground rules with each other. Men usually assume big decisions are going to be made by them, or least will involve their input. If you've been fairly passive up to this point, you may have sent your g/f the wrong message. That you lack the ability to make strong decisions and she's gotten in the habit of taking the reins. This can also happen when women come from strong, opinionated mothers. Every relationship takes some degree of work so consider what you could work on before you throw in the towel. Also, every couple needs time away from each other to pursue their own hobbies or just have some space. It might be Saturday morning, she cleans the house, or goes out shopping with her girlfriends, and you can retreat the golf course for a few hours or tinkering around in your garage with manly tools. Neither person should ever become invisible in a relationship or it will never work out. Again, communication is key. And you both have to be willing to bend alittle. Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, calamitysil +, writes (28 November 2007):
 You'll need to be straight with her and explain that it's not working out. Luckily you've only got as far as living together and haven't gone the more complicated route of marriage and children!
From what you've written it's pretty clear that you don't see a long term future for the 2 of you, but she does, so you need to talk and make it clear to her that you want to live on your own again and get some space. In a good relationship there should be enough give and take for you to be able to pursue your own interests as well as doing things together. Bear in mind also that 6 months isn't that long to get used to someone living with you and it can take up to a year for 2 people to reach a happy medium! It's not easy living with someone and getting used to all their bad habits, but when you really love someone you make efforts to accomodate them. But the willingness and desire to accomodate won't be there if the person you're with isn't really what you want as a life partner. The other alternative, if she's willing, would be to continue dating but living separately and seeing where that takes you. It depends on how much you value her.......
...............................
|
