A
female
age
30-35,
*ilbutterfly
writes:So I lived in OHIO, im 21, young. I went on this website and started talking to a 30 year old guy, I was hesitant on his looks but still talked to him, After talking to him knowing he wants marriage, kids and to settle down I thought perfect, me to! So after a month of chatting I MOVE to NEW YORK. I cant even look at him in the face most times, I feel disgusting after sex hes overweight, and balding and just looks nasty ugly to me. on top of that i dont like ny very much.What should i do? i quit my job and moved here on a limb, It was so impulsive. I guess i wanted this so much. Hes nice and kind to me, caring ect. Some times he says stuff that pisses me off but hey who doesnt. I dont know what to do. i been here only a month my dad came down and met him said hes a good man. But i dont think i can get past my lack of attraction. I dont see myself marrying him. when i go home i know ppl will ask questions and i already feel dumb moving out here for a guy. What should i do? should i stay with him? or go home. Have the kids and marriage but not be attracted to the man. i know attraction isnt everything but this seems to make me so unhappy. Thank you so much.
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female
reader, lilbutterfly +, writes (9 April 2012):
lilbutterfly is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so much.
If i am pregnant Ill be pregnant home and keeping the baby i dont believe in abortion, not the childs fault, Ill update this question when i find out this week.
I broke up with him yesterday, things are fine were still friends, i can tell he didnt want to break up, (sitting close to me ect) But i told him it was in my heart, the chemistry isnt there and im not happy with him, i dont see myself marrying him ect. I am of course sad he wasnt the one and i cant stop crying, i look at him and hesitate but i know its to be. My dads supportive and is welcoming me back home.
Im calling tonight to rent a car tommorrow morning and driving home with all my stuff (with GPS lol) 9 hour drive but its ok im going to enjoy the drive and be happy to get home!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2012): Thank you all so much.
If i am pregnant Ill be pregnant home and keeping the baby i dont believe in abortion, not the childs fault, Ill update this question when i find out this week.
I broke up with him yesterday, things are fine were still friends, i can tell he didnt want to break up, (sitting close to me ect) But i told him it was in my heart, the chemistry isnt there and im not happy with him, i dont see myself marrying him ect. My dads supportive and told me to COME on home! 3
Im calling tonight to rent a car tommorrow morning and driving home with all my stuff. 9 hour drive but its ok im going to enjoy the drive and be happy to get home!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 April 2012):
 Go home, pregnant or not. You are not happy with him or with NY. Sometimes we have to learn things the hard way, as in making some major mistakes.
See if you can get your old job back and if not, look for a new one.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 April 2012):
 Yes, go home anyway - IF you are pregnant , you 'd be pregnant anyway, whether in Ny or in Ohio, but at least at home you'd have the advice, shelter and support of your own family and friends for anything you'd have to decide about this pregnancy.
Again, don't worry about looking bad or looking like a fool. Everybody makes mistakes, live and learn- and just don't do anything so rush and impulsive again.
Sure, your dad may result incapable to refrain from some " I told you so ". Well, he WAS right- some times parents are :). But that would not be that terrible, would it ?
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (7 April 2012):
 Go home... why the hell are you having sex with a man who turns your stomach, and why the hell are you planning to do this to the day you die because you want someone to call you wife.. Your bloody only 21, you got another 60-18 years before you die, why the hell would you tie yourself to a man who makes you sick. Why all the hurry, have you got cancer or something and are predicted to die within the week. Your young, millions of men will come along, why the hell were you so quick to run away with this one?GO HOME! Tell the guy it isn't working for you. Get on train, bus, whatever with your suitcase, and go back to where you was living. If anyone asks you questions, just tell them.. "he was ok, but we wasn't compatible, so it didn't work out"...How can you have sex with a man who turns you off? And why would you do such a thing? Your being silly and living and punishing yourself and cheapening your body for no good reason I can see. Your won't be at the bottom, at the bottom is letting a man see you naked and stick his penis in you, because you don't know how to say, "sorry I made a mistake" and start again.... now that's at the bottom.GO HOME!
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A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (7 April 2012):
 Yes, you should go back even if you're pregnant. And if you are, you should seriously consider whether keeping the baby is the right thing to do. I'm assuming you have no religious hang-ups about abortion. From a purely practical perspective, it's bets if you can begin life anew with a clean slate. However, if you do decide to have the child, your man should bloody well pay child support. It isn't fair for women to bear all the consequences of a relationship alone! But for now, I'm hoping you're not pregnant! Have you got a urine pregnancy test done? The results are instantaneous.
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A
female
reader, lilbutterfly +, writes (7 April 2012):
lilbutterfly is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShould i go back home If im pregnant? What should i do? ill know on the 12th comming up if i am or not. Thank you all so much. I respect every answer you have givin me. And would love more. As my friends cant seem to just break it down and be dead honest. Your right im an adult, who cares if people chatter about what i did. Its bad ass i moved out of town. Everything doesnt always work out! No shame in my game to go back home to my support, I live and def learn from this.If i go home ill have to go back home to my dad. which is ok. i can deal with him, im just hesitant, he said he give it a month :(... i just also feel like im moving backwards, i had a job and everything. Im glad i still have money saved up. I can get a car and move out on my own now when i get back home! Oh and I don't like this town. It's dirty over priced and crowded.My home was quiet, affordable and comfy, not overcrowded, with family and friends.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (7 April 2012):
Go home already. You made an impulsive mistake, which you can repair, do you want to wreck your whole life just because some gossips in your hometown will flap their tongues ? what do you care , let them talk. At worst, you can alway say you realized that you won't be happy in New York and missed your hometown too much.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2012): you're even considering marriage and kids with this guy as one of the options on the table??? I can understand going out on a limb and moving across country on an impulse - heck I think that's the sort of thing one should do when they are young!! I don't think that is cause for any regret whatsoever, you have guts!
But I'm simply astounded that after you have acknowledged how disgusted you feel about him him and wondering what to do next you are STILL contemplating marriage and kids with him as a possible route!! Why???
I think you should definitely break up with him. what you do after does not matter, you're young, you have your whole life ahead of you.
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A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth +, writes (7 April 2012):
You know the answer...go right back home and be careful about making such life-altering decisions in the future. Appearance isn't everything but what's important is to love and respect him for how he is...and that doesn't seem to be the case here.
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