A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Soo... I've got myself in a bit of a pickle here.I've had a long distance boyfriend for a long time (about 2-3 years), and don't get me wrong, this isn't about him, he's wonderful. The problem is that I moved over to, of all countries Ireland to be with him. I was under the impression that I'd be fine, I'd get a job to save up for college there and get a flat to rent out between us, within a few months at the most. I had been thinking of going back home for a while now because I still need to learn to drive and over here there's no one to teach me. I can't get a job either.. I'd applied for loads when I got here but I never landed an interview, probably because I don't have much work experience. Now I don't ever see any help wanted signs and nowhere is employing at all!Because I'm not at school or work, I haven't really made many friends. Sure there are a couple people my boyfriend knows but that's about it. I really miss the old gang. :(I already have a provisional driving licence in the UK and my parents can teach me most of what I need to know. I see driving as an invaluable skill, and I'm worried I'll keep putting it off if I don't sort this out soon. I'm still young. There are very few jobs in my hometown too, but I don't see lack of experience being as much of a problem, as I have more connections and it's a small town as opposed to a big city, so less people applying.I can also, if I decide I want to go to university get my student fees paid for me if I study back home. And I'm sure a lot of you will have heard about the situation in Ireland... everything's going up in price. Including student fees!!I know it's sensible to go home and stay there at least until I know I have everything sorted out, but even typing this is making me miserable.. after struggling with the loneliness of an LDR for two years and then after finally being able to spend all my free time with him... I'm scared of going back to that. I spent most of my year in a depression where I wouldn't want to leave the house and see my friends, I didn't sleep well, I went between barely eating anything and binge eating.. and there were weeks where I would cry myself to sleep every single night. Don't tell me to dump him... he's one in a million. I honestly think I've found Mr. Right. Even after living with him for nearly 6 months I don't get tired of him and we almost never fight (and when we do it's pretty much one sided as it's usually down to me being on the monthlies and hence being very short tempered)I'm really scared of going back to the way it was. I mentioned this to him and he said I have to put my education before him, so it's probably for the best if I want to do higher education. He tried to hide it.. but I'm pretty sure he was crying. :/I guess right now all I need is some comfort. I know it's for the best for me to go back as there's nothing for me here aside from him, and others have agreed. One friend said I was basically selling myself short.Any advice to make this more bearable? I was thinking of looking for a job while I was at my family home for Xmas and if i get an offer stay for that, but after the news of a rise in fees I'm not sure if I should only be staying for a job... should I stay even if I have absolutely no luck with a job over there?
View related questions:
long distance, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm Scottish, and if I study in Scotland the Scottish government will pay most of the fee. I can't get even a grant over in Ireland because I've not lived here long enough.
I know I'm better off over there, I've said that. :/ I just need some reassurance, and advice on how to cope with being away from my boyfriend again?
I was relying on my boyfriend for most of the things because I couldn't be here in person before, as I was in school.. he'd mentioned a job in a shop that his uncle owns so I thought I could get that. He wouldn't look into apartments as he said he might not get into college so it wouldn't make sense to plan moving out yet. I did some looking on daft to get an idea of the prices of places and the areas of the city. I brought everything i needed for a PPS number so in case I didn't get work and we'd already moved out I could go on benefits to pay the bills. So it's not like I just moved over with no planning at all.
I do have some work experience but not a lot. The thing is over back home I know more people so I had been talking to managers ect back there when I was looking for a job.
I know it might not be enough, but surely you can understand me jumping at the opportunity to be with him?
A
female
reader, Zuie  +, writes (25 November 2010):
"Over here" you're required by law to get professional driving lessons to qualify for a full driver's license, and student fees are also being increased in the UK. Any government maintainence you would get to cover fees in the UK will still apply to you studying within the EU, and you would qualify for the same student loans.If you've no experience then you shouldn't be expecting anyone to hire you anywhere from you just handing in a CV, talk to managers in person and offer to do work experience for free. If they don't hire you afterwards you can at least ask them for a reference and be able to say that you have some experience for your next job. You can also talk to someone at a FÁS office about this stuff, they should help you.That you don't know any of these things and moved your entire life without researching them or securing a flat or job beforehand is astounding to me. I've also been in a long-distance relationship between Ireland and England. We're in the same time zone, it takes about an hour to fly from any airport in England to Dublin, and you can easily get flights where you pay nothing but taxes and handling fees if you book them a month or more in advance.I don't understand at all what you were expecting to magically happen when you got here, but you don't describe yourself as putting an real thought or effort into anything. You may be a lot better off with your parents.
...............................
|
