A
female
age
41-50,
*uju67
writes:I am 47 and live in Bavaria. Before moving to London I had lived here for 20 years.In 2011 I came back to Germany after living in London for 4 years. It had been very challenging living there throughout the recession and I was very depressed and very worried about my future. I had no children or family to support me.I work as a graphic designer and the 'dream' was to go to London to do an MA in art and work as a graphic designer. However, the recession put an end to that and I ended up working in a horrible retail job.AlI I wanted to do was to return to my 'nice life' back in Germany.Then, like a miracle, one day I got a job offer in graphic design back in Munich. I will never forget the relief and joy I felt. So I came back, found a gorgeous flat in my favourite area and have been living here since 2011 again. After a 1.5 years at the job they made me redundant. In a way I was relieved because I wasn't very happy there. I had no problems finding another job immediately after and I have been working there since.One year after moving back I was approached by an Israeli boy and he became my boyfriend. He is 9 years younger than me. I love him very much and I believe he loves me too. Neither one of us really wants children. The problem is that his job is very specialised and after doing a 3 year post doctor in Germany he will be returning to Israel early next year. He didn't really try to get a job here. I am very torn as what to do. I would love to give moving to Israel a try. I believe I would find a way to make a living. When I think about it, my heart flutters with excitement at the thought. However, I am reminded of the reasons I came back to Munich after the tough time I had in London. Now I have everything I want but there are some issues too. For one I seem to spend an awful lot of time alone. My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship since 6 months because he is completing his post doctorate in Bonn (6 hour train ride from Munich). I love time a lone but often I have no choice.I am quite a gregarious person so I don't understand why I don't have more friends here. I suspect it might be the age I am in.I often feel very lonely. He is the only person who has been there for me. My so called family are very good at talking but I don't feel they are really there for me.So, my question is..should i get up and follow my boyfriend or stay here where I know I have a very good quality of life even thoughI feel very lonely here? At this point I have to admit that this is a reoccurring theme in my life and the reason I left Munich to go to London in the first place. My boyfriend would like me to go to Israel with him but at the same time he is worried about what I will be giving up. My father - who lives in Africa- is warning me not to do it because I am 'too old' to be starting over again.I need to think about my pension etc...He means well because he changed careers at 50 and never found his feet again. I am afraid we are similar. On the other hand, I am so restless and impatient with my very average job.I can not see my staying there until I have to go on pension.Maybe I am having a sort of mid-life crisis? I know Israel is dangerous. But i grew up in Africa which is equally dangerous. I love this guy very much. He has helped me and been a good friend.Thankyou for reading this.I look forward to your feed-back
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depressed, long distance, want children Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2015): Hello, I know I am a little late in replying to your questions but I really wanted to give my opinion to perhaps help you if I may.
I have travelled to various countries for months at a time for both study and work. In every place even if it was just for a minimum of one night I felt extreme loneliness and homesickness to my hometown, my family and friends, and the familiarity of routine in my life. I got over this in most places except Belgium. I left Belgium after one week. What I am trying to say is I knew when to push myself and know I could make a home in a new place and also when I had tried hard enough and made the decision to quit. I find no shame in this. Happiness is key throughout life, I will only ever strive for happiness. Now of course, the world isn't rainbows and sunshine and there are things to consider such as a pension, healthcare etc BUT if you are not happy nobody and nothing can stop you from reaching out for a new adventure. It's your life and age is a number. SO many people live such a deprived life, I myself have travelled to Africa for example and seen the opportunities of life within their townships. Knowing I can create opportunities for myself gives me spirit and courage to try something new!
You can always travel to Israel for a holiday and see how you find the country and see where your relationship with this guy takes you. I am in a long distance relationship myself and so many times I have wondered whether its worth it. Spending time, effort, worry and money on this one guy literally living on the other side of the world when Lord only knows what could happen with our relationship although we are both committed who knows... An outsider in my life actually spoke to me and said 'But what if he IS the one?' would you want to throw that away?
Ultimately it's your decision. You own your life and the paths you choose to take. If anything I just hope that my post has inspired you. Inspired you to look at life with a little more hope because we all deserve the best. I KNOW and completely understand what loneliness feels like, I don't know if its the same for you, but however many friends I have in a place where I am not happy within myself every day I can not escape the loneliness. Although my time in Belgium technically failed I met some wonderful people who really spoke true advice and told me what I am basically telling you now. Choose to be happy. Life is too precious to live by the rules, pay your taxes, and grow old alone.
Have an adventure, whether you choose Israel or Germany. Make some happy choices.
The very best of wishes for you and your 2015.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2014): Thankyou so much for all of your inputs.Indeed, you are quite right about me not having any reason to be lonely here. I certainly do have friends at work and there are almost certainly other people if I look enough. Perhaps 'lonely' is an exaggeration. I recognise I need to examine why it is I feel like this all the time. Perhaps it has to do with the age I am in? Most people are married and busy juggling jobs, kids and partners. Obviously, I don't have the same issues. I guess I just seem to enjoy my own company a lot. That comes from enjoying art and from having grown up in many different countries. That makes one very independent. But also the 'loneliness' has perhaps got a lot to do with losing my Mother at a very young. I might be searching for something which is missing. BUT I hate feeling sorry for myself.I hang on to my Israeli Boyfriend because he has helped me in many situations.I am very bad at letting go of relationships but perhaps I need to really just do that.I don't know or rather I do know but I don't want to admit it.My life is probably here and I need to make it work. Have I answered my own question.Thankyou to each and every one of you. I appreciate Honesty
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2014): What makes you think you won't be lonely in Israel? You tried London - you were lonely there. You are in Munich - you are lonely there. When you get to Tel Aviv will you be lonely there too?What is your personal definition of lonely?Do you sit at home all day in front of the TV?Don't you interact with any of your colleagues at work?There should be no reason to be "lonely" in such great cities like London and Munich.I live in a small town in Franconia. There are only a few hundred people living here. I'm not German but I have lots of friends because I get out in the community and participate. I joined the local singing club and garden club. I go to the various town celebrations and mingle with the people. I have a dog and when I meet other people with their dog, I usually stop and chat - first about the dogs and then the conversation carries itself to other things.What did you do in London? What are you doing in Munich?Just work with your head buried in the sand?Don't just sit on your hands - get out - and I don't mean to the disco or other "pick-up joint" every Saturday.Join a club or other activity or arrange a small get-together with some people from work and then make a few things happen for yourself. Even better, invite your neighbor for "Kaffee und Kuchen". You will soon find there is no reason to feel lonely.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2014): If you are hesitating it is because you don't want to go and are trying to find ways to justify this. Don't go to Israel. Stay where you are. It is better.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (21 December 2014):
 I would wait for him to get settled a little first, then go on a few vacations. I would NOT uproot til you knew the country better.
My dad has been several times and love Israel. I think it's his second favorite place to be. Which says a lot, since he has traveled a lot as well.
BUT I would make this a LRD - while he gets his feet wet, and you get to see what the country/area is like. It may not at all be for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2014): I think you should not go to Israel. Who knows what will happen to your relationship when you get there, you could wind up stuck there by yourself with no job in a dangerous country where the economy is very bad at the moment. In Germany you have a pretty good job, healthcare and a future pension. I think you will meet someone else eventually. Try to get out and meet new friends. If you can convince your bf to find a job in Germany and you feel your relationship is secure for a good future then stay with him but stay in Germany.
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