A
male
age
,
*assovoice59
writes:My girlfriend and I have been dating for 20 months. Both of us are twice married. Her second relationship was very, very bad. It hurts her badly to think of it. It damaged her emotionally and if she could, she has said it was the worse mistake she ever made. One day, I saw a picture of a motorcycle that she purchased for this guy on her Facebook page that was placed there 4 years ago. I mentioned it, asking her if she were aware that it was there, and suggested it should be removed so that no one, mostly me would never be reminded of this awful guy. I made the suggestion in the form of a request as well to have it removed. While I don't know the guy, I dislike him and said the picture was offensive to me. She said she was unaware that it was there and that she would delete it. But she never did. Recently, I reminded her again that it was still there, then al hell broke lose. She said I was living in her past, that she wants to forget all memory of him and that I was spiting her past in her face. I thought it was a simple request and that she would love to clean up all reminders to any reader of her wall. She disagreed, and it has caused a breakup. We were talking marriage. Was I wrong to ask it to be removed? Was my request a sign of distrust, living in her past, and elements of control as she has accused me?
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male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (25 January 2015):
It is a common misconception that women want to be on the edge of fixing things. You can not fix the past. While I am sure your suggestion logically meant no harm, these are her problems to deal with and as much as you want to understand and side with her, you should not make solutions to a lady which you think would work. Just because it might help you, does not mean it would help her.
Your needs are important but this is her issue. It isn't the manliest thing in the world to throw a fit over a guy you really don't know just because of a facebook picture. All you have to do is flip the role and I am sure you would not like being in her situation, where your significant other is reminding you to take down xyz pictures, not to wear certain clothes, don't go certain places just because it involves an ex.
A
male
reader, bassovoice59 +, writes (24 January 2015):
bassovoice59 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks. I appreciate the insight and comment and surely now see how I offended her with expressing my own needs.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (24 January 2015):
 Yep, another vote for Honeypie.
It's her Facebook page and she is the one who lived through that horrid relationship so she should be the one to decide what she can and can't handle.
Bringing it up once was intrusive enough, in my opinion, but to keep checking and reminding her was a bit over the top. You've made her past and her Facebook page about you.
Leave it alone and don't bring it up again. Next time pick your battles.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2015): Why do you care about her picture from a previous relationship?
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A
female
reader, Pureflame  +, writes (24 January 2015):
I have to agree with honeypie. You did create a mountain of nothing. I mean come on. Everyone comes with a past. This seems more like your need to control her feelings, probably out of protective feelings, probably a lil bit out of jealousy. Or the simple, why would you want anything that reminds you of the crap from your past.
But the point is, she lived through it. Even if it broke her. And she is strong enough to deal with the fact that it actually happened. As much as you find the need to protect her, the most important thing you can do is help her forget it. Not by telling her to pretend it didn't happen or delete it, but by being kind and loving and making her feel that she is beyond what happened in her past. That includes not asking or telling her what to do about her past. Let it go n live in your present.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 January 2015):
 I would say it like this, you could have NOT looked at the picture. For you to tell HER what she can have on her Facebook page is (sorry) ridiculous. Now if she had a picture of her EX WITH the motorcycle, I can see you not liking it, and I can see asking ONCE for her to put away the pictures of exes, but I think you came across as demanding she remove so YOUR feeling wouldn't be hurt, well.. HELLO... SHE was the one who dealt with his crap, and I think she is old enough to decide if a picture of a motorcycle HURT her feelings or not.
She DIDN'T have the picture on her wall to REMEMBER the ex. YOU kept reminding her. I'm sure she has other pictures from her past. I'm sure YOU do too.
Would I have broken up over it? No, I would have HID my pictures FROM you. That way you can't cause drama over stuff that honestly, had NOTHING to do with you.
I think you made a MOUNTAIN out of a speck of dust.
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