A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am 25 years old and my fiance 33. Last weekend we went to a strip club with my friend, let's just call her Sally. Sally and I were wondering if the strippers boobs were fake or real so we asked my fiance to go ask her and find out. He gave her some money and next thing I know she gave him a motorboat (rubbed her boobs in his face). I was so disappointed seeing it in front of my face. The stripper looked awkward when she saw me look over and just yelled to me, "Yeah they are real". Now I can't sleep with my fiance because all I can picture is another woman's boobs in his face. When we walked out of the club my fiance said he had to go use the restroom and he would be right back. He was gone for 15 minutes and ended up getting thrown out of the club. I think he must have been getting lap dances or went in the VIP room, but he gets angry when I ask him about it. He curses, yells, and tells me I am ridiculous for thinking that. He should of had some money left over that night, but he spent it all. It was a BYOB place, so there wasn't anywhere to spend money except for the strippers. Should I just let this go and move on? If not, how do I get the truth out of him? We just moved and my family lives 25 hours away. Please help, I am so confused!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2008): Well, my honest opinion is that if he was gone for 15 minutes and then refuses to tell you honestly what he was doing, without cursing and yelling at you, then he was probably doing something he should not have been doing. And what happened to the money - did he wipe his butt with it?
A lot of people when covering up for themselves resort to anger and yelling. The real issue here isn't whether you should move past the "motorboat" thing, but whether he's going to be honest with you in your relationship. This is where it gets difficult because you love him, you want to trust him. You have to trust yourself, your feelings, your instincts. If you truly feel he is not honest with you (and not just this one time), then you need to back out and move on. If you feel it is just a one time thing, then take your chances.
I've heard from so many people who have let the little lies go because they didn't seem like that big of a deal, and ended up with more issues down the road after the relationship was taken to more serious levels - marriage, kids, etc.
Before moving on, be 100% sure with your relationship NOW.
Oh, and yeah - don't go to anymore strip bars together. Though a lot of men will go on their own anyway.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2008): He yelled and cursed at you? Is that common behavior when he's frustrated? So tell me, what is the credibility of this guy of yours? What is your relationship history like with him? Is he dependable, trustworthy or...not? Has he ever given you opportunities in your past history to mistrust him? Look it, he was gone for 15 minutes in a stripper bar...you have no idea what he did in there. He said he was going to the bathroom. Now if you have huge reasons to mistrust him, then I have to ask, why is he even your fiancee? As I have stated before, Trust is foundational in all love relationships. Sounds shaky here.
However, if you don't have reasons to mistrust him, then you must extend him the graciousness of believing him and simply let this go because analyzing this situation and going over and over it in your head, will drive you and him batty. Don't taint or take down your relationship, by doing that..if it's been a good one. Let it go.
And.. the 'motorboat' incident is not worth remembering, either...he got one heck of a surprise and a cheap thrill. One that you and your friend, Sally, inadvertantly set up, in the first place. What is any red-blooded male to do, when some stripper mushes her boobs into his face? Yes, he probably liked it...he's a man!
So please, make it a rule in your relationship...not to go to any more strip clubs as Emily suggests. They cause too much trouble for you and him, as you found out. And keep building the trust. This incident is in the past, I suspect you will never know the truth of what happened in there.
But if I were you, I would tell him, calmly, to never, ever to curse and yell at you. A man his age should be able to deal with his anger, in a mature way, without acting in that manner. I'm hoping that this the one and only time, he may have lost his cool. If it isn't you may have to evaluate how he deals with his anger. That could be a whole different ball of wax...and that's not a healthy sign, hun. Take care
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (19 November 2008):
Well the obvious question is - WHY WERE YOU IN A STRIP CLUB??????
That's like taking me to a chocolate shop, giving me money but getting very upset when I stuff my face with chocolate.
If you don't want him to have contact with strippers or anything like that then don't go to strip clubs.
If you are really upset about this then he is not going to want to confess what else he got up to. What would the truth do other than upset you?
You can either take a break from him and go back to visit your family for Christmas or just accept that he saw strippers and that it meant nothing to him.
Talk to him and tell him you are upset and don't want to talk about it any more but want him to know that there should be no more trips to strip clubs for either of you.
Then move on.
Good Luck!! xx
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