A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of a month says he loves a drink and I notice he always has drink at home and wants to go to the pub every week end. He says it is because his work is so stressful and he doesnt have friends to go out with or talk to. When he's drunk he sends me text messages saying he misses me badly and it does put me off a bit as I dont drink much. I also have a lot of friends and find it strange he doesn't have any. He was divorced 2 years ago and said he lost all his friends then.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (10 June 2016):
 He is probably lonely, he has been divorced for two years now, but it is difficult to make new friends and start over. The thing is though you say you find this strange, instead of trying to understand him you are judging him. He is a heavy drinker and you are not, so this relationship probably won't work out. Talk to him about his drinking and see what he has to say.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2016): As we get older, it gets harder and harder to make new friends outside of our already established circles. There are people who seem to break that mould, but they are not really the norm.If his friends all just moved on from him after he divorced or chose his ex wife, as can often happen, he may be finding it hard to find new friends as by his age, very few people have the time or inclination to add people to an established circle of friends or have the time to make the effort to break into a circle that already exists.I am only 32 and have basically 1 friend who has stuck it out over the years. But he lives interstate so our interactions are limited to phone calls and messages these days, with the occasional hanging out if either of us are in the other's respective towns. Which is maybe twice a year, at best.Drinking is not the best way to deal with the depression that comes from not having friends that have stuck by you, and you two should really talk that one over.Maybe you can join a club or find some extracurricular activities that will have you interacting with new people.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2016): Your bf might be using drink to medicate himself. He probably suffers from anxiety, more precisely social anxiety (that's why he has no friends). This type of anxiety can influence ALL areas of life. Many people (diagnosed or not) use drugs and/or alcohol to take the edge off.
Unless he seeks proper medical help it'll only get worse. Please know that you cannot help him. Don't even try to play a savior role. You'll end up in a codependant relationship. You'll hate him in the end.
Focus on yourself, set boundaries and support his efforts to seek treatment. Otherwise, leave.
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