A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello Readers!Earlier today my [separated] parents went to court because an incident happened last week where my mother was not letting me [19yrs old] and my 12 year old brother in the house. That was not the first time we were "kicked out" of the house, it happened almost two times a week. After two years of putting pieces together, I soon realized she was having an affair with her married boss and was hiding it from us. During the times she tells us to leave the house, she was bringing him in the house to have "alone time". Last week, I asked my father to accompany my brother and I to our home because I knew she wasn't going to let us in. So I figured maybe my dad would do some help. It was really late at night and I had an exam to study for but she didn't care. Long story short, my mom put a restraining order on my dad because she said he harassed her and threatened to kill her. I knew all of that was a lie because I was there. So today at court, I was a witness and explained to the judge everything that happened. The judge basically said that my dad was only doing the right things; to protect his children, especially when their own mother kicks them out of the house. Now, my mother says she feels betrayed and gave me a list of "rules" to follow. One of them being: going straight home after school/work every single day. And not being able to visit my grandma's house. I visit my grandma every single day especially since my grandpa recently passed away. I like to check up on her. Now I feel like I'm put on house arrest for doing the right thing (for telling the truth). She says that if I don't follow her rules, she won't pay for my school. She clearly said to me "I could care less if you finish your education. I don't care about you anymore." My education means the world to me since it's my future. And she's putting that against me! I want to leave this house so bad and live with my grandma but I can't leave my brother...
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 October 2011):
 Mom has problems seriously
can your brother live with dad or grandma with you?
I get not leaving to protect little brother and I commend you for this... what a tough situation
you are 19 a grown up and your mother is behaving like a child.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (7 October 2011):
 Your mom has issues, which I'm thinking you're thinking that that's the understatement of the year.
You are an adult. You have the ability to move out at will. You also have the ability to take out a student loan or apply for grants depending on your state qualifications, so you staying because your mom is paying for school is your choice.
However, you say that you can't leave your brother? Is he in danger from your mom? If he is being abused, you have a duty to report it. Can he live with his dad or grandma? Locking him out of the house constitutes abuse. He has the right to shelter and guardianship, and if he's not getting it, that is reportable. What is your dad doing about that if this fact was known?
Bottom line: Your mom is toxic. You have choices to make, but don't think for a second that if your mom won't pay for your education, that you can't have one. There are many ways to get one. Many people whose parents can't pay for their college are getting good educations left and right, so don't let her blackmail you with that.
If your 12 year old brother isn't in danger from abuse, you can still leave and remain supportive of him.
Keep talking to your grandmother. Every day from your cell. remember, you're an adult and can live anywhere you want to. You might want to talk to her about living there.
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