A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am looking for advice into relation to my partners mother who has caused a great big argument turning up uninvited at our home, okay it shouldn't be a big deal but it actually was,To cut a long story short she lives 5 minutes from our house, I work 5 days over 7, and I had just worked six days solid, we had had some problems with the house,caused by the property below and my partner had to rip up the floors and fix the joists etc so the house was upside down, we had decided to have our first holiday abroad in 3 years, I finished up from work on the Friday, after 6 days, I have a really hard manual job, and between work I had to trying to put the house back together on my day off before we went the holiday the next day, we were pretty busy running about getting last minute things, and his mum was calling my partners mobile asking if he could pick up her sister from the station, he explained that we were busy, and that he would call round later that day, as he wouldn't see his father on fathers day, he told her we were busy, she wanted to take her sister round to see the house and he told her it wasn't convenient, I was in the middle of packing and cleaning the house at tea time, and the door went, it was his mother her sister and her sister grand daughter in toe, I was livid, the house was upside down I was busy and she was told nit to come round, so I just froze, I went through the back of the house, I was embarrassed, they walked in and instantly his mother asked to show her sister around, my partner sid yes but don't be going in my cuboards etc, they walked into every room and the granddauggter started opening our cuboards, I was ragging to be honest, my partner said they weren't staying and asked me to come through,I refused, it was terrible. I have never went or turned up at her house uninvited but I felt she had pushed herself on us, my partner and I ended up having a huge argument that day, he said it was because I was in the wrong, I said she was in the wrong, as being told not to come, he admitted later that earlier in the week he had told her she could take her sister round, but never told me, even though on the day he told her it was convenient, she is pushy treats him like a baby, and between his mother his dad who is unsociable have never accepted me from day one as I'm older than him, it really doesn't bother me, but on his occasion he didn't have my back, I've always got his. I don't know if things will ever be okay with his mum again, as we went her in the street and she didn't say two words to me. I'm left feeling right the bad one here, im not a horrible person but I really wasn't happy. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2017): What you need to do is move.You live way to close and because of that she will always pop in. Keep all your doors locked all the time and do not answer if you are busy or you just do not want to see them.You did over react...you need to learn how to fake how glad you are to see them sometimes..it will make your husband happy.This is a stupid thing to fight and bicker about..how are you gonna handle real conflict?We moved many states away and now we never worry about someone just popping in.I know how you feel about her popping in let it go not worth ruining a vacation over.
A
male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (26 July 2017):
 She lives 5 minutes from YOUR house, So expect to bump into her often, What happened the day before you went holidays is a result of your man forgetting or might have put off telling you as he knows that things are bad between you, His mother had his aunt coming, and wanted to put her best face on things between you and her in front of her sister, And you over reacted when she dropped around, She was sticking out her neck as she was putting on a show for the sister and you got upset and showed that things are not good between you and her in front of aunt MARY,She wanted to put on the good face.The fact that Aunt Mary's grand child had bad manners and opened all the draws had nothing to do with anyone other her,If you had not had the house ripped up and if you were not in the middle of packing would it be much better, I don't think so, You don't like his Father and Mother and that goes back to the start of your relationship, You were too old for him in their eyes and bought you and his father have not got past that yet, Mostly you and his mother can put up with each other and try to accept each other in small doses, but the last day you came face to face, was it the way that you wanted her to say hello TO YOU FIRST? and she wanted you to make the first move, Meetings with her will be a bit like as if you meet with the PM she is not going to give more than she has to, You will all ways be the younger, and mothers are bad at cutting the string, No matter what man you are ever with they all have a mother
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2017): His mother is 61 and very much young in years. She was told twice that day by my hubby not to come round. We are not allowed to pop in to theirs without prior arrangement. I don't dislike his mother I don't dislike anyone, it just wasn't the time to be dragging people into the house, I don't think my parents are better than anyone and don't live near me, my parents aren't allowed to turn up when ever they want, I only see them once every 3 months, the whole point was he told her clearly that day not to come because we were busy and no it ruined the holiday because we were both still bickering. I'm a very private person and I really don't appreciate people coming into my house and instantly opening my cub boards and drawers, in my bed room etc. She won't even drink out a cup unless it China, which I had to go and buy. I am a very house proud person and very anxious. I just felt totally exasperated. I do appreciate you taking the time to reply though. I shall put it down to experience.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2017): You overreacted. If you and your husband are in your 40's to 50's; your mother-in-law is probably in her late 60's to 70's, or older.
She is of the old-school, and older-mothers tend to feel they can still overrule your orders. Your husband caused this ruckus by not telling you he gave her permission; but you still want to blame her. So you were embarrassed, get over it! You just don't like the old-lady! Shame, shame!
How stupid do you think his mother is that she can't see that the house is presently under repair. Otherwise; she must have thought it was nice enough to show-off and brag to her sister. Granted, it was at an inconvenient time.
They've seen the "before," send them pictures of the after!
Older people have paid their dues. So they will say whatever they please, and they will sometimes ignore boundaries; because they are old.
If you want to keep a husband, you best not get on the warpath with his mother! That isn't a road you want to travel. Excuse this incident. It was unexpected, she shouldn't have come at such an inconvenient time; but most of your anger is out of exhaustion and your embarrassment. If she didn't say two words, it's because you were quite rude to an elderly-woman. That reflects on you, not her.
She is a mother-in-law. That's what they do. Criticize your child-rearing, stick their noses into your business, and over-protect their sons or daughters. If your parents are living; being there's always two-sides to a story, I'm sure your husband would like to share his opinions as well. Of course, your parents are the better pair of in-laws. Good for you!
I say, take her age into consideration. Graciously bear the embarrassment for the moment. I hope your holiday has given you a better outlook and you are well-rested. It's so much better to just get along, than to carry-on hostility with your in-laws. Especially when they're elderly-people. You won't win! They are from a different era, they raised your husband in their home. He's seen their home in disrepair as well. She birthed the man you married, my dear! She knows you're not perfect, and I'm sure she likes to remind you!
They won't live forever; so you've got that in your favor. As long as you've got locks on your doors, no one can get in unless you let them in. If she doesn't call, then pretend you're not home. If the car is out front, too bad, prepare a pot of tea! A visit can't be that traumatizing!
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