A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of about a year and 3 months broke up. It's been a long distance relationship since he's in the navy but he's only 5 hours away so we did get to see each other when we could. So this guy was the love of my life I pictured my who future with him. Aonewhere along the lines I felt him be distant I don't know something changed I thought maybe it was someone else I will never know. Let's just say he went ghost on me changed his number and all. So I figured I was single and had to forget him one day I went out and while out for some drinks I kissed a guy and he knows this. He pretty much was mad and couldn't forgive me. We kept our distance but he comes for his home visit and I know he'd been dating around, but that didn't hold me from giving in of course I wanted to see my soul mate even after all our issues. So we hung out for about a week, I don't know how to explain it but it was perfect it's always perfect when it's just us. When we had sex we kind of put the condom aside and discussed our future, we've always baby planned, so he cummed in me. So he leaves back home and I asked him about a girl he went on a date with, well he also saw her when he was in town I figured he had dropped her since we were very good but turns out even after seeing me he texted her in reguards to food and seeing her, she wasn't interested so it went no where else I still can't help but think how he played me. He even purposed within the week he was here i of course said no because we needed to work on us before moving forward. I just have no idea why he would play me and I found this all out after he left, so of course I drop him again. But I found out I'm pregnant. First thing that came to my mind was I can't do this, I'm really considering getting the abortion pill. I just don't want to deal with this it's so hard doing it alone. Of course when I found out I let him know he was starting to convince me that we can do it for the child. I then let him know i would never be with him after he played me and to really consider everything because our baby would be raised in different homes. Well when we'd disagree on certain things he'd mention how he would win in court and this and that. I don't want to spend my next 18 years arguing in a court I just have my whole life ahead of me and right now doing this alone doesn't sound like what I want. I just feel like my life is falling apart I'm hurt I'm confused I don't want to make a permanent decision off my emotions I tend to do that a lot. I'm asking for your help , your opinion and any advice thank you for reading and thanks for the advice in advance
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (26 July 2017):
 You had unprotected sex with a guy who ghosted you. He came back into your life, but people who have unprotected sex in situations like this are rarely responsible enough to be parents so soon after.A baby strains even healthy, strong relationships - it *never* fixes damaged ones.You need to speak to a therapist who isn't biased on abortion. You need to speak to one, just for one session, to unmuddle your emotions and figure out what's best for all involved, particularly the foetus, if you leave it long enough to become a baby.Are you financially stable?Are you living alone, with two bedrooms?Can you afford a baby?Can you afford twins?Are you mature enough to be a single mother? (Honestly, neither of you sound sensible enough to parent yet).How will you work and raise a baby or twins?How will you explain to your child/children why their dad isn't around?How will you explain to them that they were conceived because their parents were reckless?It's your decision, but I think abortion or adoption are your best options here. Abortion won't be available for long, so you need to see a therapist immediately to clear your feelings and thoughts, so you can be realistic and rational. If you choose adoption, you'll need the support to not change your mind when the hormones make you feel attached to the baby.If you choose to keep the baby, you have to start planning and saving up immediately. No nights out, no day trips or holidays, no drinking/smoking/drugs, etc. Your life becomes all about your baby for 16+ years. You also get stuck dealing with your ex's games for 18+ years.If you *know* you can give a baby (or twins) everything they need on your own, then maybe you can keep it. If you can't, then I think it would be selfish to keep it. Whilst you're able to have an abortion, it's just a foetus, but it becomes a baby after the cut off for abortions. Then you can choose adoption to give them a family who can give them what they need.None of the options are easy, but you don't have the luxury of thinking about yourself any more.In future, *always* use contraception - condoms *and* birth control. There is no excuse for unprotected sex, unless you're in a committed, stable, long-term relationship and are prepared for a baby.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2017): You do not sound ready to bring a child into the world, neither of you. And I am astounded that you decided to have unprotected sex and deliberately make a baby, when you had no idea whether or not he's commited to you. You need to be responsible, and be an adult now. If you are having unprotected sex to make a baby, then make 100% sure that you are doing it with the right man. This does not sound like the right man for you, nor does he sound like someone who will ever be the right man for you. If you decide to have the child, please prepare to be a single parent and treat it as a bonus only if he decides to be a part of your lives. If you decide to have an abortion (which I must say sounds like the best choice here), then make sure to never repeat this mistake. If a man is serious about you, and you want to talk baby and future, then make sure all the rest is in place also. No man who ever ghosted you and acted immature like this, on-and-off relationship and this crap. None of that. A man who is serious about you and your relationship doesn't do that sort of thing. Next time, if you want a future with someone and a baby, make sure you are both on the same page and acting accordingly, such as moving together/committing to each other/getting married. Be responsible from now on, because this was very irresponsible of the both of you. This entire situation could have easily been avoided, and should be avoided from here on and out. Make only responsible decisions from now on. The first responsible decision being whether to have the child or not. The next decision should be to STOP thinking that this man is your soul mate. He is an immature boy who thinks with his dick and nothing else. Do not meet with him again unless it is to discuss child support. And please, don't let him treathen you. In any custody battle you would win over a man (in fact mothers are automatically seen as the care taker) and also he's in the marine, not a suitable place to raise a child and he's got no option to take care of the child otherwise unless he changes careers. So, do not be scared by his treaths, they are just more proof of his immaturity. Whatever you decide, please remember that your life does not end with this. You will carry on and you will have plenty more joys and sorrows ahead of you. This is not "the end" of anything, so do not grieve what is not lost.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 July 2017):
 Can you afford a child? AS A SINGLE mom. Yes, they Navy will doc his pay but it can take up to a year with the whole paternity testing etc. BECAUSE you two are NOT married.
Do you REALLY want a child right now? And do you REALLY want a child that TIE you to this MAN for the next 18+ years? Even if he chooses to be an absent father.
THAT is what it comes down to.
WHY on EARTH did you agree to make a baby when your relationship was on the rocks and not really working? With a 5 hours distance between you two?
You are BARELY pregnant and he is arguing that he can win in court? Win what? What kind of man knocks up a girl and then is ONLY concerned about "winning" in court?
Is that the kind of man you want for the FATHER of your child?
I think you NEED to totally disregard HIM for the moment and consider:
DO I want a child now?
Can I handle and afford to raise a child on my own?
Am I willing to DEAL with this guy in regards to raising this child? For the next 18+ years?
And then you have 3 options (well, maybe only 2 but I will get to that).
1. Have the child.
2. Have the child and adopt it out.
3. Have an abortion.
When I say you may only have 2 options, I say that because he CAN DENY you the "right" to adopt it out. So adoption might not be for you.
Have you talked to your parents? If you have a good relationship with them.
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