A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've always been told that you shouldn't sleep with your partner straight off the back in a relationship, always aimed at females, of course. I've been doing a little googling, and I came across this little tidbit of advice,"You will be more in control. Do not think that by having sex straight away, you would be able to get some kind of hold on a man. On the contrary, if you can say no early on in your relationship, then you should be proud of yourself. It just goes to show that you are on top of things, you are in control of the situation, and you are in control of yourself."... it constantly seems that these advice columns seem to suggest that women don't enjoy sex, and all men are sex-crazed maniacs. I don't understand.Perhaps having sex in the early days has ruined relationships for me, but I find it hard to stay chaste for a long period of time. I find that I'm a very sexual person and I often follow the rule of thumb "if it feels good and doesn't hurt anyone, why not". I simply could not be with someone and not have sex for a long period of time, but I've been told countless times by people that I should. I can't think of any logical reason why, but perhaps I should try it, but then again... as I just said, it seems illogical. Sorry for the hodge podge of thoughts here, it's probably not too coherent, but can anyone offer advice?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2011): You can't have a double standard when neither side gets it better than the other one.
Men: They either get first night sex or they get a GF. They don't get both. If they are looking for a GF but they succeed in getting first night sex - well, they also didn't get the GF that night, did they? When a guy goes out with a girl who makes him wait - well, he also didn't get laid that night any more than she did!
Women: They get to choose just as much as men. They choose either to get easy sex or get a BF but they can't get both at the same time under this system.
But women get the final decision. Men can only try to make a guess about the woman beforehand. And women get to make their choice AFTER they have more time to learn about the guy, and after maybe letting him spend some money on her first too. Even if she knows that this guy just wants first night sex, and she knows she intends to deny him what he wants at the end of the night, she can let him put in all the money & work anyway before shutting him down when she makes up her mind about him . . . wait a minute, which gender is supposed to have the advantage here?
A
female
reader, coolbeans +, writes (11 February 2011):
 18-21...so you are very young and still exploring. I also enjoy sex and do not go by the "rules" of the game. However, you have to understand what you will mean to a man when you are considered easy. You will never meet his mother, you will not likely stay together very long. If you want to have fun with a guy, than go for it, safely of course...but don't expect him to show up with roses and on bended knee. You are not the kind of girl he will want to settle down with, at least not now.
If it's someone you would want to have a potential future with...you may consider taking it a little slower. Try masturbating before your date arrives so you can clear that off your mind...temporarily.
Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2011): Personally I don't think there's any reason for you to stay chaste longer into a relationship than you want to.
These advice columns are simply reinforcing gender stereotypes and the belief that women suffer emotionally if they have sex when not in a long term stable relationship. This may be true for the majority or it may not (even without societal pressure), it only matters if it applies to you.
The truth is even now some men do think less of women who have sex early on in a relationship but I also expect, given the variety of men out there, there are some who don't. It'll probably just take longer to find them.
If you're ok with that and are happy with your current situation then there's no reason why you shouldn't have sex however long into a relationship you want to.
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A
male
reader, Scotsrugby  +, writes (11 February 2011):
Hmm, well in my opinion it really doesn't matter. My ex, who I went out with for two years, and I slept together on what I guess you would call a "first date". I can't honestly say I've ever been so in love with someone as I was her. What I guess was curious, was the fact that she later said to me that the only reason she'd hopped into bed so quick was because she wasn't confident enough to ask me out (confusing I know!), but I had been thinking about asking her out for a while. To me, despite the fact we slept together so soon on, she was far more than just a "shag", I really liked her, and whether she had made me wait for it, or if she had slept with me quickly qouldn;pt have made a difference to the way I percieved her.
Fast forward to the girl I'm with now (as of two months), who made me wait a few weeks and put up a fair bit of resistance before we had sex. It was, I must admit, worth the wait, but (and I may be wearing some exceptionally thick rose tinted specs here) I still feel that the connection with the ex was far stronger in the formulative months of our relationship than with this girl. Now I'm not saying this has to do with sex, (I'd be lying if I didn't point out that I still have some very strong feelings for my ex) but the physical connection early on is certainly something I reckon you need.
I watched a programme the other day on newly-weds; there was a very staunch Christian couple (and I'm not having a go at anyone's religious beliefs here, if you want to wait till marriage then fair game to ya) and they filmed them before and after the wedding. To put it lightly, I'm fairly sure that neither of them thought it was worth the wait... Maybe, a "try before you buy" policy is something which is constructive to long term relationships? There's no point waiting for someone who you think you have an amazing conection with, and getting all excited thinking this relationship could be the best thing since sliced bread, only to find out a couple of months later that you don't click in that way. Because, lets be honest, a healthy sex life is a very important part of a healthy relationship. Well thats my ten cents anyway :) Hope it helps!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2011): do whatever you want. like you said, if it feels good and youre not hurting anyone... then DO IT.
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