A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hiya,I am 16 and my only fear in life is being in a serious relationship. I have always had FWB’s (Friend’s With Benefits) and they were always the “Bad Boy” sort of characters so I never had to be serious and basically I could flirt with whoever I wanted. I sound like a player but I’m not, honest! Anyhow, last summer I started dating one of my closest guy friends and he seemed pretty much perfect to me in every way but he was my first ever date and I was secretly horrified! Talking to him was fine but when it came to relationship-ey stuff I felt like he was taking it all very seriously and I’d never been serious about anyone like that in my life! I was so scared and he was really shy so I was left to make the first moves but the furthest we ever got was holding hands because when it came to having the chance to make a move, I chickened out every time! Bearing in mind he was my best friend, I ended it and told him we were better off just friends. It sucks I know but I wouldn’t admit the truth at the time. 6 months on and he’s still a very close friend of mine. I’ve helped him out with his hopeless romances and he’s sat back and watched me flirt with guys who we know I’ll never end up with and we’ve never spoken about last summer. Over the last week, we have both spent a lot of time together and even though we’ve both told everyone that we want to be “just friends” somehow I don’t think either of us really means it...So in conclusion, I guess I am saying I still like him and if he’s interested I think I want to give it another shot but how can I get over my fear of being in a serious relationship? Should I just explain to him that I was too afraid and hope he understands?!Please help! Thank-you!Xx
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best friend, flirt, player, shy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (11 February 2011):
 You can only get rid of this fear by going into a relationship and finding out what it really is about. Everyone has fears about relationships. I am not certain you will be happy with him though. He will always suspect he is second best in your eyes. He might get jealous, possessive and clingy. Can you really be attracted to someone who is having hopeless romances while you are the attractive one in your circle? You need to meet more boys before you come to the conclusion that there is only your best friend and other bad boys you flirt with. There are also confident men who are not players, shy boys who like sex and many other combinations that can work for your preference. It seems to me you want to have a "test relationship" to get your fear out of your system, to have experience, but, at the expense of possibly hurting him at the end.
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