A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:*There are names and places in here and I want to let you know that I have changed them for privacy and used them for clarity*I wrote this post http://www.dearcupid.org/question/everyone-around-me-seems-to-want-to-sabotage.html over a year ago, and a lot has happened since. I did manage to get my birth certificate from Andrew’s daughter so that I could get my ID. I also went to a hearing for Foodstamps and explained the situation and that I was NOT committing fraud at all and that it was my word against Andrew’s. When it came down to it, he was just talking to them but he didn’t sign any papers stating that I’d committed fraud and his, “She’s been selling her Foodstamps” quickly turned into, “Well… she didn’t sell them to me and I don’t actually have proof of that really…” I also got a part-time job at The Salvation Army Warehouse and they were willing to give me a chance. I started buying my OWN food to eat at work during the week and eating out at cheap (dollar menu) restaurants on the weekend so I could be away from The Haven (homeless shelter) Café as much as possible. I was going to save money to get an apartment, but I owed an old apartment $1,717 and I owed Child Support $2,000+. As it turned out, I owed twice that because I had to pay my son “Asher’s” paternal grandparents AND the State of O_ because Asher spent some time in Foster Care and I hadn’t been able to pay at all during that time. Also… $30,000= of Student Loans, legal fees, old credit card bills, two banks, two colleges and so on and so forth. Oh, and three stores I’d shoplifted from who wanted to take me to Civil Court. There was no way I would be able to save for an apartment because Child Support was garnishing more than 50% of my wages. I barely had money for bus passes to work and to eat during the week because I wasn’t going to eat in The Haven Café. (I was being harassed there).So, I moved in with my AA Sponsor “Elaine” at her suggestion. It seemed ideal: I would give her half of her rent (she was locked into a low rate because she’s been at Apartment Complex for 10+ years), I could work part-time at whichever job gave me a chance and then under the table for some people she knew dog-sitting. I got a job at a pet store (Yay! More dog-sitting clients and I love animals anyway!), I got Child Support to stop garnishing my wages and agree to $50 a month to each bill plus $10 a month for arrearages (phew, much better), I found a pro-bono lawyer who got a bunch of my legal fees lowered and a whole bunch of my misdemeanors expunged from my record, Student Loans agreed to $5.00 a month for nine months and then I could go back to school and POSSIBLY get grants, which would be used for education AND paying back one of the colleges. My son finally listened to me and realized that Andrew was lying and that I was not drinking at all, or prostituting. In other words, things were looking up.Problem #1: “City” (Where I lived) is in “Red” County, while “Township” (where Elaine lives) is in “Green” County even though Township is part of the Greater City Area. (Sorry if that’s confusing). This means that ALL the welfare I just got back would have to be cancelled and signed up for again. I didn’t really that would mean that I would then suddenly lose access to my government phone, which meant that NO ONE could reach me and no one knew where I was. Of course, I could use Elaine’s phone, but there were problems there too (I’ll get to those later in the post). Also, Township does not have bus service at all and Elaine’s apartment complex is down the street from a carryout, a bar, and a Walgreen’s warehouse and then ABSOLUTELY NOTHING for two miles, speed limit on the main roads being 50 mph. So many people thought I relapsed and was just wandering the streets of City doing who-knows-what.Problem #2: Elaine was VERY touchy about her computer. I understand that because it’s hers and I’d really planned to use my phone, my tablet, or the library anyway. But it was less her computer and more her Wi-Fi. Once I was able to transfer al my welfare to Green County and get a new phone issued, I was given a certain amount of data per month and I simply paid for more data from a TracPhone card I bought at the carryout. I thought that was a pretty straightforward solution, but she didn’t like that. She INSISTED that I use her Wi-Fi so that it wouldn’t go to waste and, of course, she wanted 50% of the bill. I told her that I wasn’t going to use it at all; I was using my own data. Oh, and she was strict about what websites one could visit on her computer or whether or not I could use it when she wasn’t home. Understandable, but she considers sites like this one to be porn sites and she doesn’t like Facebook (the only way I can contact the few family members who still spoke to me). OK, so solution: I do all that on my phone. She didn’t like that and I never heard the end of it. She was convinced I was bringing things into her house that didn’t belong there via the phone. Really? (I think she wanted to be privy to what I was typing. Even when I was trying to use my phone to text with someone, she would CONSTANTLY talk at me, interrupt, get me to do something SHE wanted me to do (right now, this second) and then the phone would disappear for awhile. (I’d find it shut off on top of the fridge or on a top shelf, Elaine is 6’1” and I’m 4’10”.) She HATED texting for some reason, thought it was really rude. If I were at the dinner table or in the MIDDLE of a conversation, sure, I get it. But don’t just walk up and start yapping when you see I’m talking or typing, THAT is rude. That is the equivalent of interrupting a person constantly when they’re reading a book.Problem #3: She had issues with certain books too; she didn’t like me to go to the library even though I wanted to ride my bike there because it was too dangerous. She didn’t like me walking to the carryout because it was too dangerous, even though you didn’t have to be on a main road at all to get there AND we did our darn laundry at the laundry-mat next door every week. It wasn’t too dangerous then! The problem with books was that they weren’t approved by the Catholic Church, so she didn’t want them in her house. It’s not like I have a car I could have stored them in! I wasn’t looking at books on the Occult or anything so I really don’t know what the problem was, just that she didn’t like mysteries, mystery-romance or anything like that. She even told the library that this website was pornographic and that they shouldn’t let anyone use it so I had to resort to typing in word and transferring it to my tablet and all that. Stupid. She was a book-interrupter too. I’d be quietly reading a book, all the chores are done, work is over, supper is over, shower’s been taken and cleaned up and all that. As soon as I started reading she’d start yapping. Then, she’d sit next to me and start reading aloud from whatever book she had and then pass it to me to read out loud. Seriously? Yes. She did that all the time. I’d been reading the darn BIBLE that I was given at The Haven and she took it away from my room and replaced it with the Catholic Bible. I mean, really intrusive stuff.It got worse. I was only there from May – August 2018 when she casually mentioned that we needed to go to the leasing office and sign me on the lease because I wasn’t allowed to live there unless I was on the lease. What? Why didn’t she tell me that before I moved in? I’d only had plans to live there three – six months so that I could save and move back to City and get my OWN apartment. When I explained that to her (pointing out that her apartment was a one-bedroom and that I slept in the living room) she told me we could get a two-bedroom instead because that was in her plans. Oh, but the rent would go up because she would no longer be locked into the lower rate. I told her I didn’t want to do that and she told me that she’d already started paying on the two bedroom because she was counting on me moving in with her and staying away from City I had literally nowhere to go so I moved in with her but told her that I would ONLY be paying HALF the rent, HALF the utilities and NO Wi-Fi because I would not be using hers. Also, I would be switching shifts so that I could work morning hours. (Elaine worked second shift down the road from Pet Store). This was a problem for her because she wanted money for the Wi-Fi and she wanted money for driving me around. I paid her but I’d stopped doing that because I’d started using Uber and Lyft to get around when she was at work and I was home alone. Now she wants to have me sign onto her lease come August and help her move into a two- bedroom. She’s already started the process and has talked to the manager about a new apartment. I have tried over and over to tell her that I don’t want to be on the lease anymore. I’ve got money saved up and I really need is to find an income based apartment in the city I’m originally from. I’ve been trying the best I an online and through jcab rides but I need to remain on assistance, which makes it hard to move counties. Elaine has many times over promised a ride and “forgotten” so I’ve missed appointments for apartments. She really doesn’t want me to moe out. What do I do when she doesn’t listen?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2019): Take any apartment or even go to a shelter get away from her she is crazy.Leave today so not tell her even if you must sleep outside.I say do not tell her because she will go crazy on you and I promise she is not safe she is unhinged.Get out now today.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2019): What a tough time you've had. I'm sorry that everything gets so hard when you're trying to pull yourself up.
This person has done your a good deed. But now she feels like she owns you. It's going to be tough but soon you're going to have to be explicit.
You have to say ' I don't want to move to a two bed with you, I'm grateful for what you've done for me but this was not in my plan. I won't be signing the lease with you.' And you'll have to mean it.
She's probably lonely but she's still trying to control you. This is not friendly. Stick to your plan. Have scripts to say to her when she overstep your boundaries. But you need to:
Assume everything she says is not in your interests.
Find another way to see apartments, you can't rely on her. Get a bike if needs be. Above all become independently mobile.
Protect your independence fund at all costs.
Good luck. The time to be meek about this has passed.
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