A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years now and we have decided to get married. The thing is I feel like his grandma doesn’t like me at all for some reason and he kept saying she did. Then today, his sister was talking about babies and I just made a comment that I want one in the future, my boyfriends grandma went off on me saying all this rude and hurtful stuff. Then when he talked to her afterwards she straight out told him she doesn’t want us together and thinks I’ll stop him from following his dreams. I have been there for him every second and we have Proved that we love each other a lot but she still wants us to break up.What do I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (13 October 2019):
 This is a tricky situation. Some aunts advise waiting it out which I can tell you, sometimes doesn't work. I know people who are in marriages that were never accepted by the mom or the gran and eventually it takes its toll whether or not your man stands up for you. Him choosing you would mark the beginning of a rift in the family. He'd probably have to distance himself from them (in the case that she never accepts you) then you'd have to have your kids not know their great grandmother.
I don't know it's very tricky because it could go either way. I was in a similar situation but not only was I ill-treated, I was cussed out in the process. I did not respond or argue because I know better than that but every time something like that happened, it chipped away at me each time and soon enough, made my relationship very difficult to just enjoy being in. I was very in love. I just couldn't get over the fact that his mom despised me. I just wasn't willing to have any future children of mine be treated like second class citizens because of the way she treated me. Life isn't a romance film where the grandmother or mother that hates you will suddenly wake up and change their minds. Sometimes that doesn't happen. More often than not, that doesn't happen. Unless grandma learns to respect you, eventually, there will be a choice to be made. Grandma, or you. You will be put in loads of uncomfortable situations trying to make it work because you love him.
Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't. All I'm saying is; it could go either way. It doesn't seem like she completely hates your guts but it doesn't seem like she loves you either. You'll probably have a lot to do to prove yourself. If you have that type of time and energy to put into this.
I don't know. You guys are still young. I was in the same age bracket then so I understand what you're going through. I just don't know if it's worth it. Only you know how things really are. I don't know how much time and effort you're willing to put in or how far along your relationship is.
Have you had conversations with your guy about all of this? How he reacts and what he does is very important. If you approach the situation alone, you will seem like even more of a wrong fit for him. I've seen it happen to people I know. Sometimes it's best to be quiet and let him know how you feel. That still won't change the way that SHE feels about you though but he'll be a key factor in whether this works out or not. He'll have to bridge the gap and try to make it work otherwise HE will have very difficult decisions to make in the future. Very painful ones. Either way, one of you will have to make some decisions. You need to speak to each other and figure out where you are and who that person is. It may mean having to give up something or someone. That's the sad part.
I think that regardless of why you aren't liked, the fact remains that you aren't liked. Even if it has everything to do with him not being ready then I feel like projecting that on to you is unfair. She needs to take her issues to him. She has no dealings with you therefore being rude and short with you isn't her place. I understand that she's his grandmother but that doesn't give her the right to illtreat someone else's grandchild. Any concerns that she has should be communicated in a more respectful and mature way TO HIM.
Talk to him and see what happens. You need to be prepared for this to go either way and for things to (possibly) be very difficult.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2019): I have been where you are except it was his mother.I just celebrated my 37 wedding anniversary.Got married four days after my 18 birthday.As long as your man has your back it will be ok.We still are crazy about each other even after all these years and we are extremely happy.Let the haters hate.You two just follow your heart.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2019): Corrections:
"It is her duty and obligation to advise him."
"If she doesn't see by your background that example has been set for you; she is going to do everything in her power to protect her grandson."
Post Script:
I don't believe the issue is that she doesn't really like you. I think her concern is more that her grandson isn't ready yet. If she is abrupt and harsh towards you; it is because she feels helpless. She knows how stubborn young-love is. Even when it is heading for possible disaster; or she believes you both have a lot more to accomplish before you take such a huge step. She was there the two years you were both together. She has been watching how things progress and her wisdom tells her pretty much how they will turn-out. You'll do what you want regardless.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2019): His grandmother knows you're both too young for marriage. She doesn't like you; because it's usually the girl in the relationship so quick to want marriage. Guys aren't that focused on marriage when we're in our teens or early 20's. It's the influence of our relationships that sometimes will veer us off-course too soon; before we are mature enough to be husbands and fathers.
I hope grandmother stands her ground. She's wise and knows who is the one most fired-up about marriage at such a young age. He has yet to finish a good education, has limited job-experience; and he's not fully prepared to take on the responsibilities of a wife and family. He's her flesh and blood, and the generation to follow and carry-on the family-name. She knows young marriages struggle, and aren't prepared for the challenges of this complicated world. She knows he has hopes and dreams; and might be heading towards the wrong path at this time. It is her duty and obligation to advice him.
She'd have more confidence in the both of you; if she felt you were both showing ambition, and working towards getting your educations, and well-preparing to take such a big step. She is also looking at your personality; if you're too clingy, or unlikely to motivate him to reach his full-potential. He, like too many young men, become fathers before they become men. If grandma's wisdom foresees that to be the case; so be it.
She can't control what he decides to do. She will not rest unless she knows she has offered him the benefit of her advice; but she knows the influence you have over his heart and mind. So if she sees he is giving-up a better chance at life, and really needs more time to reach his maturity. She will not like you; unless you can see things beyond a ring and a wedding. Life gets tough, and you have to be well-prepared to handle it. If she doesn't see by your background that example hasn't been set for you; she is going to do everything in her power to protect her grandson.
She has every right to.
She has no right to be cruel or rude to you; but if she feels desperate, she will let her paternal-instincts be the drive behind her actions to intervene. Motherly-love is a powerful force! What she feels for him, is a grandmother's love. No different from his own mother's love. You're not the only one who cares for him and his future.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (30 June 2019):
 I think that you should give it time. You’re both still young and two years isn’t a very long time. He needs to show that he’s still following his dreams and you need to show that you’re still following your own, otherwise his grandma will think you’re both rushing into a lifelong commitment at such a young age and that you’re just settling into a comfortable rut, instead of both being ambitious and encouraging progress between you.
That said, he will also need to talk to his grandma privately and tell her that she can raise her concerns to him without being rude about you.
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