A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am posting this question for a second time -as I have left out some important details the first time around.I am currently married for 16 years and we have one child, a boy. during the 16 years, my wife packed her belongings and moved to her parents at least twice a year. I kind of put up with this for 16 years. I took her for therapy and we could not get to the bottom of why she keeps doing what she does. She said that she does not know, but she gets bored of the same routine of marriage.She gets calls in the middle of the night on her mobile phone, and then she tells me that is was her brother that called. Her parents encourages her into this unstable life, and not once have they sent her back to our home to work things out amongst the two of us. They always wait and keep her at their place until she herself decides she's ready to come home. Last year 2008 was the breaking point for me. during on of my wife's disappearing acts, I befriended one of her co-workers that came to visit her while she was away on her disappearing acts again. Naturally, and I referred this lady friend to my in laws house. But instead, she decided to stay a while and talk to me. We became very good friends since then. Our friendship has since developed into a romantic relationship. The problem is however- I am 27 years older than this woman. We have now been together for 18 months. I told my wife about us during the second month of our friendship, and my wife has since stopped the disappearing acts. Even her my in laws are amazed that she no longer runs away from our home to their's. The relationship between me and this woman are still ongoing. I do not think that I could ever go back to loving my wife again. she has left me and our son so many times, not taking my son's well being into consideration. Not once has she taken our son with her during her disappearing acts. I was seen as the big joke in the family. They made fun of me and said that their daughter were staying with them, and just visiting at our house, and that she is much happier at their home then at her our's. I took this mental abuse for about 16 years - and finally I met this 22 year old woman - who incidently knew everything that went on in my marriage, because she is my wife's co-worker. I learned from her that my wife went around and said that I was the one doing the disappearing acts, and all her co-workers thought that to be the truth. Upon getting to know each other better, my now 'new girlfriend" found out that my wife had been telling lies not only to her co-workers, but also to her family. I am now happy and do not wish to go back to the life of uncertainty that I had of whether my wife will be gone or at home wen I return from work.I am totally in love, and my girlfriend love me just as much - She is however 27 years younger than me - I have no money - so it is not that.I am just the average everyday guy. She is very beautiful in every sense of the word - In appearance as well as manners.I now look like the bad guy. I am thinking of getting a divorce and start a new life altogether. I am in perfect health for my age.That being said- what am I to do/ I am being judged by a lot of people. Our relationship is not a secret. My girlfriend's parents knows about me and my wife knows about my girlfriend and me.what do you think - should I grab this chance with both hand - and get out of this uncertain marriage? The part which I forgot to mention is that we are married in community of property and technically the house/property and all household contents needs to be divided equally amongst my wife and myself. I am comfortable with that, but I have been marries for 16 years and to start a life of a single person is not going to be easy. Yes I have been abandon on several occasions-but transforming into the life of a singular is not that easy. Divorce's can end up very messy and I do not have the support structures such as family behind me, except for my girlfriend that vowed to be behind me 200%.Will getting myself a Flat to live in, be a good idea? I need to bet out of my home before I start divorce proceedings - Kindly post all the advice that are out there. THaNx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2009): Kettlecrow, yep you have it down to a fine tee. the OW conveniently blackens the wifes name. both re work colleagues. woldn't put anything past the 22 year old. she needs to prove to her married lover how resourceful she is by digging out the dirt she has on his wife. girlfriend will stand by you 200% , what does she have to lose, nothing. You, everything. she may be resourceful now but her time will come. she is so much younger than you and she will tire of you soon.
A
female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (18 August 2009):
 We don't live in Victorian times any more, you are allowed to get out of a marriage which is bad for you. Finances aren't a good reason to stay with someone who makes you unhappy. Your wife sounds like a selfish kook. Go for it with the new woman. Good luck. :)
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