A
male
age
30-35,
Phsyciatrist-to-be
writes:"Be yourself..." classic advice on how to get a girl/boy interested in you. They should love you for who you are, not who you pretend to be to catch their eye. This is all well and good.But who is "yourself"?Is it the person at home: reasonably average, does pretty much what they want, avoids family members for the most part, might prefer to be alone?Is it the person by themselves at the front of the class: quiet, friends are either too far away or in a different room altogether, shut away, gets on with what they're supposed to, rarely speaks, very quiet and reserved?Or is it the person that comes out around a group of friends: the one who is laid back, laughing, loves to let themselves go?All these people are "yourself."But how to know which to be? Perhaps the one you like would prefer the quiet, reserved boy/girl at the fromt of the room to the laughing, shouting person outside? Or mabye they would be happier with an average guy/girl, talks sense, nice smile, rather than one who shuts themselves away from the people around them: silent and withdrawn.The truth is, you dont know.It can be irritating when people tell you to "just be yourself" when you open up. The truth is, unless you actively change your style and behaviour (which is kind of permenant), you are no-one BUT yourself. You may behave differently around other people, but you dont change who you are. When asking advice, you dont want to be told the same thing over and over again. So I give to you some advice of my own:If he person is one of your friends, someone you hang out with, then the person they will see most of all is the laughy-shouty-jokey one. Dont go trying to change that around them. Dont go all quiet and reserved when they approach: that'll just seem weird.Talk to them. Find out about them. If you dont actively pursue a relationship, you'll spend your time sat on your behind wishing you could have that person, when it is almost undoubtably within your ability to achieve that. You dont have to let them know of your feelings if you dont want to. They might even guess. What you might tend to find is that, if they manage to guess how you feel, they, in turn, might respect you more and possibly even return some of those feelings. It is always very flattering to learn that someone likes you!This may sound silly, but make sure you check their "history." Knowing who they've been with before will give you a better idea as to whether they will acknowladge your own feelings. ie, if all their past boy/girlfriends have been horrible people, totally different to yourself, then it might be time to abort plan and cast your eyes elsewhere, as hard as it may be.If you are turned down, DONT CRACK UP! Take a step back, examine your new situation, and adapt to it.If you're desperately in love with this person, remember your OAI:Observe Adapt and ImproveThose reading carefully will have noticed I have come back to the very point I started with:FOR GOODNESS SAKE, DONT CHANGE WHO YOU ARE!BE YOURSELF!!!*anyone confused by this article should post a comment reading: "Wow, that was awesome, you are totally amazing," and I'm sure someone will get back to you... Reply to this Article
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female
reader, vamp-gal +, writes (16 November 2008):
 Hey,
I liked the beginning 'Who is yourself' because it's true, we act differently towards different people. You act differently towards your parents than you would your friends, it's really gotton me to thinking.
I guess, I don't know about everyone, but with me, I try to be myself whoever I'm talking too, whether it's one set of friends or another, I tend to be the same. I guess with some I'm more serious than others, just depends on my mood.
Either way, it's all yourself, just different parts of yourself, depending on what mood your in, and I guess who you're with, I think the people you're with also bring another side out than other people would.
It's really good though, it really got me thinking, and I really love it when things do that!!
But I agree, on the last bit, 'Don't change who you are' I've done my own about how you should be yourself, and I'm not turning back on it.
Awesome article!
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