A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been thinking about having an affair with a 50 year old married man. He has made it very clear to me that he is married, has children and is not going to leave his family. I honestly do not care because I'm not looking for a relationship with him or to be tied down at this moment in my life. This is purely based on the fact that we both find eachother attractive and want to sleep with each other. I know it is extremely wrong to do this because I would be wrecking his family apart but I just can't get this idea out of my head. I have a very busy life and sometimes I just need to get "some" in order to fulfill my needs just like this guy probably feels since his family is living in a different country. Please don't tell me to find someone my age range or find a boyfriend because honestly I do not have the time for that. I just need to get what I want and leave. (Sorry if that sounds vulgar but its the truth) We haven't acted on our feelings yet because we just started to talk to eachother. Please help me get these thoughts out of my head before it actually turns into reality. This offer does sound tempting but I know how wrong it is and I do not ever want to damage or cause sorrow in other people's lives. I feel like there is something wrong with me for having these thoughts because I know the horrible consquences that would come out of it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2009): You need to reconsider having an affair with a married man. I am the wife of a fifty year old man that had a two year affair with a woman that was closer to our daughters age than me. I discovered it last July and it has turned my whole family's world upside down. Put yourself in my shoes. How would it feel to you to have your husband who you have loved and trusted since the age of 17 find a lying,married bar whore attractive? A woman who after meeting 2 hours prior , was in bed with him. If you care anything about the emotional trauma you will put this family through (that includes the children) you will not go through with this.When you haave an affair you are taking something away that should only be shared by a husband and a wife. Just because the family is a distance away gives you no right to even contemplate that. That wife is home , with her children keeping up her end of the marraige vows. He knows she is a good wife and that is why he would not consider leaving her. Good woman are supposed to support each other. It is appalling to me that you would even consider this. The sad fact is , it does not even matter what you look like when men are going through a mid life crisis. The woman my husband was with looked like a walking meatball but he will look at you with loving eyes because being you are younger, you validate his aging manhood. You will be nothing more than a conquest he can brag to his friends with. Do n0t do this, you will regret it if you have any sort of a consious. My husband was my four childrens hero and NOT ANY MORE because of people like you!!!! Men, protect your families from people like this person who would even contemplate having a relationship with a married man. If you go through with this, you are less than a prostitute, only you will probably get compenstated for your sex with food. My husbands' girlfriend did because at the end of the relationship she was as big as a horse and that was before she got pregnant from her "sexless husband"
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just said I was THINKING about it. I didn't actually go through with it! Plus dildos aren't the same, would never use it and doesn't give pleasure like an actually human being would... lol. I'll just find some single guy to screw. Pray it is sometime soon, but with my luck... that won't happen fast lol. Thanks for the responses. I don't know what I was thinking... I guess I'm just desperate to do anything at this point lol.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2009): Hi
I think you know the answers already...it is your choice.
Via con dios.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2009): you will give into temptation and you will screw up his family. you have alreay made up your mind. you are also so callous in your approach, you say that you just need to to get some"", use a dildo, you don't have f*ck him.
everyone has been so kind and non judgemental when you have systematically and cold heartedly decided to screw this married man.
you do not even have feeling/ emotions for him, you just want to F**K!!!
Read all the posts and the negative responses made to "totally in love" with her married man. this was on the 9th MARCH, 14TH 17TH. At least she claims that she loves her married man. yOu , YOU JUST WANT IT. and you know that he is married with children you don't care. The injustice of it all!!!!!!!!!
i am so surprised at how flippant you are about your situation.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (17 March 2009):
 Get yourself a nice dildo and you'll save even more time than hooking up with this married man PLUS you can keep your self-respect and live guilt-free because you wouldn't have destroyed a family for a few brief twinges of pleasure.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2009): There's no dilemma here.
You already know it's wrong. You're just deciding whether or not to do it.
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A
male
reader, artian  +, writes (16 March 2009):
 I would seriously consider the fact that he is so much older than you.
Not that the age gap is a problem as such but the fact that he has so much more life experience than you and in a committed marriage.
It is much easier for someone to paint a good picture in your head about them with that extra life experience.
Thus, much easier for someone so much older than you to manipulate you and make you think they are trustworthy.
Maybe he is a nice person but the fact he is doing what he is doing speaks volumes about his character. I think that is what you should consider not the image or the picture he is painting in your mind.
After all he has obviously painted that picture and good image in his wifes head to gain her trust and now he is abusing that trust.
The fact that he says thins to you to assist in gaining his trust sounds suspicious. Yes, all women like to hear nice things etc but, again, because he is so much older than you makes it so much easier for him to do. Older men seem to win trust more easily because they are more laid back but believe me they abuse that too.
I know a female who was in your position and she believed that the married guy had fallen for her and she was going to meet other friends who knew his situation etc. This courtship went on for months and then when he got what he wanted he was gone and she realized her trust for him went with him. People in marriage sometimes just want a challenge and an older guy will certainly appreciate a younger model.
A younger model however is usually better looking and more sexually stimulating for that reason so worth the challenge I guess.
Also, It seems self evident that there is more here than just a fling because why would you need so much detail about him and why would he need to give you so much information and say all those things if they were irrelevant. Sounds like he is TRYING HARD to gain your trust and the fact that you are considering so much about it seems likely that you'll end up in place far more complex than just a fling.
Just an opinion
Hope you chose wisely.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2009): You must be mad to even consider this, read all the stories here and see if that's what you want for you and the future, heartbreak, pain, lies and a whole lot of trouble heading straight at you and your life. I have been on and helped others such as Mae5 read her story September 18th last year "My paramour used me for sex" and see if that's what you would like for yourself she is only 1 of many but I follow her pain which she is still posting about and use that as an example to show others what can happen if you have an affair. I hope you read hers and others here before you end up in hell, yes that is the reallity when the s--t hits the fan as they say. walk just now while you at least have some diginity left and go enjoy your life free from guilt and hurting others, if you met the man of your dreams and trusted him imagine what it would do to you if you found out he was scr-----g about behind your back. Think about others not just yourself.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (16 March 2009):
 The main problem about what you are proposing to do is that you are attracted to him, and making love with a man draws you closer in love with him.
We are women. That's the way we are built. Sex draws us closer.
He doesn't have the same intentions, and has already told you so...
Even if you think you are okay with this, you are the one choosing your path. I'm sure there are plenty of other guys who can scratch your itch, with no guilt involved.
You are the one in charge of your life, and only you can make your decisions. When it's all said and done, You are also the only one who will bear the consequences. Life is not an Etch-A-Sketch, and there are no "Do Overs".
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2009): You say you trust him, does his wife and kids also trust him???
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A
female
reader, Shadowplay +, writes (16 March 2009):
Seriously? I wouldnt even consider it - definate no.
If its no strings, find a single man, there is n good will come from this.
Imagine if this was your father! if you had found out - and betrayal to your poor mum
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just want to thank you all for responding. I thought I would get bashed or recieve judgemental posts but i didn't. Thanks, anonymous, for the tips, I will keep that in mind.
I just want to answer artian's questions:
Yes I do trust him alot. I understand that he has his own life and his family. He has every right to do whatever he wants and it is not my place to question it. But he always tells me things without me even asking. However, I don't really care or want to know. So that's why I do feel like I can trust him. If I ever ask a question, he does not lie, he tells me like it is. But yes I know deep down inside he is a cheat and I will be one too if I pursue this. But I don't understand, why don't I care? It's like what is wrong with me.
I'm not planning on getting married (that's a diff. story all together), so I guess maybe that's why I don't feel as guilty? I don't know. But I do understand you're point.
Yes I have been lied to, cheated on, and emotionally abused in my past relationship. I guess that's why I don't care for relationships now. I'm not seeking revenge due to my past but I guess I have learned not to care or get my feelings involved anymore. I guess that part of me has died. So I just feel like that this is a good option for me. It's presented in front of me right now, so why not grab the opportunity. He's attractive, we get what we both want (because I have needs), yet we live seperate lives and I don't have to deal with the hassle.
I don't know what I will do, because the more we talk the more I can't resist. Please pray I won't give into temptation lol.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2009): If you don't want to find someone in your own age range,try finding someone in his age range who is single.There are plenty of bachelors in their 40's/early 50's.Believe me,i've known some myself.I am a similar age to you,and i have been with a guy in his 40's myself.I met him when i was 21 and he was 41.That would be better than going with a married man and wrecking a family.The problem with bachelors though is they have been so settled with having their own lives and no committments,that it could be hard for them to commit to you.If all your after is a fling and you arent worried about getting hurt,this shouldnt be a problem for you though.However,with me,i developed strong feelings for the man i liked,and with me being young,i wanted to commit to him.I've never doubted that he thinks alot of me,but i think the problem is he's just too used to being by himself and doing his own thing.
its true some people do think it's bad and vulgar if you only have flings,and can even make you come across as uncaaring and selfish.i used to think that,but perhaps there are other reasons too,such as having a busy lifestyle and not having time for a relationship,or just liking your own company too much,or lack of confidence,e.t.c.Are any of these reasons true in your case ?.
If there are any clubs near you where older people go,i would suggest going there and see what happens.With the man i like,he started talking to me first.I was taken aback actually as it was the first time someone so much older than me had been attracted to me !.
Please consider what i said.At least bachelors are single and you wont be wrecking a family.Be warned though,if you start to fall for a bachelor strongly,you could be disappointed.Anyone else agree ?.
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A
male
reader, InChains +, writes (16 March 2009):
In my opinion absolutely not.
In the end he will either feel guilty and tell his wife.. or get drunk and tell her.
Either way it happens she will find out.
I've lived through the same situation with my parents. I've had to look after my three sisters for over a year now since my dad ruined the last christmas for the family. Our family has been split apart all because he was selfish.
I hope that you can stop yourself from being as selfish as my dad was.
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A
male
reader, artian +, writes (16 March 2009):
If you do it you might have a good time, good sex, gifts, all the stuff you like to get what he wants to have SOME of him. Bottom line is he is a cheat... and you'll be to. He probably is not being honest with you either and that is probably self evident to you. Can you really trust what he says? Can you really trust that situation? Then, when you get married you will probably think your husband could be like that and have some sort of issues? Then, you might end up like the guy who didn't care much for his family? You've probably heard the saying 'Treat as you'd like to be Treated'. Would you like it done to you? Then if someone done that to you what could you say about it?If you have had it done to you and then choose to do it to another to get even with life I would guess that you could expect trouble and a bumpy ride. Hope that helps some.If he was separated and single but married that would be something but he has said he is committed to his wife and I reckon that is what you should think about. As others have stated.Hope you chose wisely.Take care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2009): Conservative communities react on this negatively based on religious and/or social ideals that each person can only be connected intimately with one other person. More liberal communities view this sort of engagement as negative because there is no acknowledgment of this by the wife of the married man. If she knew about this and accepts this, then the morality that you face would not be an issue.
There is nothing wrong with you. Our partners, cannot fulfill all the needs and wants that you as an individual need and want. However, people go through life knowing this and when they enter a socially dictated ideal of what a relationship should be, compromise is usually initiated.
The married man has been married with his wife for quite some time now and as he went through that marriage, he realized that the initial compromise exceeded his emotional and physical threshold. Therefore he is now in this dilemma with you.
There is nothing strangers can advise you to do that you do not already know. What you already know and feel far exceeds the words you can see at a relationship-help web site. You already know of some of the consequences that this will bring you. You already side with a particular morality. You already feel that this is a 'wrong' thing for you. If you already know this, then all you need to do next is react on it.
An ocean of hungry sharks lay before you with a large golden nugget at its centre. If common sense eludes you, then there is nothing more anyone can do to stop you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2009): If, as you say you know how wrong it is and you don't want to damage or cause sorrow in other peoples lives, then DON'T DO IT! I wouldn't tell you to find someone your own age, but I WILL tell you to find someone who doesn't have a wife and kids in another country! If you browse through this site and read the posts about cheating and the pain men and women have both suffered because of it, maybe it wouldn't be so tempting to you! Imagine how his wife would feel (even with the knowledge that he would never leave her for you) And a relationship that starts out like that, doesn't always stay like that. The single person usually begins to want more and more from the married person. They suffer through a lot of disappointments and sleepless nights! You would end up with crumbs while he gets to eat his cake and eat it too!
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A
male
reader, Pointblank66 +, writes (15 March 2009):
Look at it from his families point if view u sound like a great person but is a few good times worth ruining a family? There are plenty of other unmarried guys who r looking for the same thing as u. All u have to do is look around.
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