A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi aunts, serious problem here... my mom is obsessed with me getting married to someone of a different race of my own, I am african american and she wants me to be with someone caucasian.. She has this thing against african americans because the relationship she has with my father who is an african american sucks and my aunt her sister married a caucasian and they have an ok marriage.. Now she has been telling me that since i was little kid and i figure i should do that because i have really disappointed her in the past BADLY.. and feels as though this would make her happy and hopefully make me happy.. I know your gonna tell me ignore my mom just because it happened to her doesnt mean it would happen to me.. but this is really implanted in my head.. like badly and my experience with african american men is bad anyway. I dont know what to do.. how do i get rid of these thoughts ?
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male
reader, duce00 +, writes (18 November 2009):
 Hate to say it but there is a big stereotype on black men and relationships. There are a couple white women I have met who have dated black men and don't have much nice to say about they're sense of loyalty.
We all know it aint 100% true and your a racist if you think it is, pure and simple.
Wouldn't life be simpler if good and bad people were color coded? I wonder what God was trying to teach us with that one??
Could it be a lesson in true character?? Hmmmm
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for te replies but i dated an african american before and his the relationship out of fear my mother wud not accept and turn him away.. the relationship didnt last he turned out to be a jerk. im 19 by the way i know if my mom doesnt accept a guy im with the rest of my family wudnt either.....i see a pattern even with my little sister she is 16 an is dating a african american... i kno becaus i met him.... but shes hiding it from my mom..... idk what to do about this???
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2009): Adult relationships are not stuff children you be involved in. You shouldn't be taking advice from your mom on who should be your mate. It really should only be your decision based on whom you are really attracted to emotionally, intellectually and physically. When you know you want a relationship with someone because it is an inner need that you are contemplating then ponder the decisions that your mind will lay before you and if need be seek advice from others but never let other dictate advice to you.
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A
male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (17 November 2009):
Wow, does she realize that she's a racist?
You're 18, an adult- and her baggage doesn't get a vote in your private life. We love who we love, reguardless of race. Fall in love with the person...
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A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (17 November 2009):
 Hi there!
Firstly you get good and bad caucasian men same as you do get good and bad african american men.
What you need to do is not be like your mother and tarnish/judge people with the same brush.
You need to give the man in question a chance before you judge him based on his colour.
There is a part of you that knows I am right otherwise you would not have taken the effort to write into this page which this problem.
I am sure your mum wants the best for you and is only advising you based on her own experiences.
Take this into account but in no way let your thoughts be negative into thinking all african americans are the same, in every cloud there is a silver lining.
If mum thinks all african american men are bad husbands ask your mum about the good african american husbands like Barack Obama? Him and his black american wife look amazingly happy.
To get rid of negative thoughts, keep an open mind which is clear from other peoples prejudices and meet each potential boyfriend with a clear heart.
Goodluck!
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A
female
reader, april1116 +, writes (17 November 2009):
 i mean tell her that just because you have a relationship with someone of different race doesnt mean that the relationship isnt gonna suck. i mean people are people doesnt matter if they are of different color cause i mean a white person could act like a black person. tell her its all about there personality thats what counts
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2009): sit down and have a serious talk with your mum. At the end of the day, she is giving you this advice because she wants you to be in a happy relationship and from what she has experinced and seen she thinks you will get this with a caucasian man. but expain to her that you can be in a happy relationship with someone of any race. because everywhere in the world, in every race and culture, you will find men that will treat you well and those that won't.
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A
female
reader, northernqueen +, writes (17 November 2009):
Do we have the same mother??? lolMy mother did the same thing to me and encouraged me also to marry outside of my race. The thing is, she also dated and then married inter-racially, but not white. This didn't make me want to marry/date inter-racially, it just made me see that I had "options". I am attracted to MEN!!! No matter what their ethnicity, I've dated them all...the point is, all men aren't a monolith. White men, Asian men, as well as black men can be bastards! They can use you also, will you dislike that race/ethnicity also? See them as individuals and decide what qualities you want in a man. Try to look past the skin tone, as it's unfair to you and him to judge entirely from someone else experience or your unhappy experience with that racial group.FYI, I did marry a black man, he cheated on me and I divorced him. I've been used also by men of other races, but these were my bad choices. Once I realized the choices I was making, I did some inside work and knew what to look for in a man. I have no idea if I will fall in love with a black man or other race man, but I keep myself open to what comes into my life. Keep your OPTIONS open and look at the individual, not the race/color!
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