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female
,
*aby gurl
writes: im kinda scared cuz my mom is getting married to this guy that is not my dad.and this guy has tried to like kill her 4 times cuz of drinking.but he seems better and now their gonna get married and im scared cuz sometimes i think hes gonna do it again.do yall have any advice to help me get over what happened and quit thinkin hes gonna do it again??? plus i dont want my mom to get married cuz i love my dad and they would have to get a divorce and then their would be no hope of them gettin back together.any advice???
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2006): Not an easy situation. You have to let your mam go ahead and make her own mistakes i'm afraid but as the others aunts said, keep yourself safe. A lot of kids hope that their parents will get back together but this very rarely happens and shouldn't even be in your head now. He has been violent in the past and yet your mam is still going ahead. Silly woman. She is a victim and often they don't get out until a lot has happened. I know, i was a battered wife for a long time until i finally saw sense and got out. I also think you should try and live with your dad, if you can, keep a distance but let your mam know that you are always there for her, no matter what. She will need you in the future but don't nag her, she won't hear a word.
Be safe and do take care
xx
A
female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (6 December 2006):
 i agree with aunt frank, u need to accept that things didnt work out between ur parents, unfortunately ur mother is choosing the wrong path trying to move on, maybe moving to ur fathers w be good for u.one thing u must understand is that abused women dont see they are being abused they always think its their fault and until ur mother realizes that no one can help her. what u can do for her just remind her how much u love her and how u wish she can leave her abusive partner and be with someone who can adore and respect her, she need to hear those words one day she will remember them and they will wake her when she is in pain.make sure u dont nag because she will think u are saying these words just to get her and ur father together, which will probably push her into her partners arms as she will feel vulnerable. good luck
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (6 December 2006):
 Hi There,
This is a tough situation. Firstly, the chances are high that even if this guy was not in the picture, your parents probably would not work things out. That is the first thing to understand.
The next one is FIRST keep yourself save from harm. Talk to your dad and see if you can live with him, instead of your mom (I assume that is where you are now). Next, make it a priority to learn some form of self defense, just in case he attacks you, or he attacks your mom, and she needs your help.
I know my message is not very comforting, but I think your mom is making a mistake, but chances are she is not going to listen to your concerns. If you put yourself in a safer space, only then will you be able to help her, when she is ready to be helped.
Good luck, my thoughts are with you.
-Frank B Kermit
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