A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a 31 year old, married, mom of two. My problem is that my mother has never liked my husband. Case and point. She is visiting and my husband is helping me in the kitchen. I don't know about everyone else, but for us, "help in the kitchen" translates to him eating with one hand and using his fingers to bounce my rump with the other while I prepare food. Don't get me wrong, I happy to get this "help" in the kitchen as my adorable hubby can do whatever the hell he wants around here. When my mom walked into the kitchen and saw this, she told me it was rude and offensive. What is her problem? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2010): Was your mother invited over for dinner, or was she visiting for a week? My family is very casual and it is common to see my son or son in law pat his spouses butt as it passes...as does the man of the house...in a casual family get together. However if i invited my mother and dad for dinner that wouldnt happen. So to me it is a matter of the setting here. I am not comfortable with sucking face etc, in public. A quick peck or pat...everyone laughing and having fun is acceptable in our home, but making out is rude and offensive. Thats what they have their own houses and bedrooms for and i dont want to be their audience.
Granted I am from the laid~back southern USA and maybe that makes a difference.
As Tisha said tho be respectful to your elders, do your best to get along...surely for a couple of hours here and there you guys can be circumspect.
Maybe there is more to this story....mal
A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (26 August 2010):
 It sounds to me like Tisha hit the nail on the head, unless there are other more direct examples of her stating that she doesn't like your husband...I think it seems she is responding and reacting to behavior that is in fact a bit childish and rude, respect for your elders and all that implies.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 August 2010):
 Do you think it's possible she feels shut-out by the obvious physical affection he has for you? I mean, maybe you should say instead, me and my hubby are going into the kitchen and fool around a little while I cook. Maybe you should give us some privacy.
Maybe it's a case of her being made to feel like the 5th wheel and not welcomed by him? Obviously, there's more to this than this one incident, and I have no idea what else is going on, but I tend to think good hosts do their best to make their guests feel welcome. Sucking face in front of the guest--mother-in-law or someone else--kinda says, "you are interupting our love affair, as soon as you are out of the room, we are going to go at it!" It's a non-verbal way of saying, "get outta here, we don't need you around, we only need each other."
Of course your husband can do what he wants in his own home. Does that mean you'll have sex in front of the kids too? I know, that was an extreme statement. But I'm trying to illustrate the boundaries that many people expect to exist. Private fondling should be kept for in private. That's perhaps what your mother was reacting to. The subtext of his physical fondling of you in front of her is, "I don't care about you being here, I am in effect ignoring you." and that IS rude and obnoxious.
Why not try to see things from her perspective, maybe she's feeling alone and unloved and worse, unwanted?
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