A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Well normally I hate these type of questions but I'm desperate enough to want to ask. So, here goes:There's this guy in my uni, whom I have a crush on..We have the same classes and everything but I never really got to meet him until now. We randomly started talking one day and we laughed a lot so it was great...We both are studying away from home and our hometowns are close, so he mentioned that we should get together sometime when we go back home for the holidays.Overall, he's a really friendly guy, and hangs out with some girls too, and I don't want to be stuck in the friends zone...He kind of has a lot of girls after him too, but that hasn't (yet) made him cocky about it.I'm generally pretty shy, but since we met we've been sitting close in classes and talking. He was randomly playing with my hair with his pen the other day..I guess that's a good sign. We're kind of not so alike - he's into rock and stuff (wears wristbands, leather gloves and generally dresses in the punk rock kind of way) whereas I stick with a classy look and so -- But I guess opposites attract??So, I kind of asked for his number the other day - but in a really friendly manner. I'm good at hiding feelings. Our uni was throwing an Alternative rock party and I txted him to see if he would be coming,..Another thing is he replies to my txts in like a few seconds. In the end we met up there, but there were also a bunch of his friends and some other girls he hangs out with..And he did sort of dance with a couple of them..But then he went up to me and we danced for what seemed like hours, and the whole time he had his hand on my waist and somehow kept trying to pull me closer to him..I really felt something right there, it wasn't just my imagination.After that night, he was kind of cold towards me the next few days, no idea why..I started losing all hope when this other day he came to me to ask how I were, and he sat right next to me in class, even though his best friends were sitting elsewhere...And at some point, he like, put his arm around my chair, so that his arm was sort of touching mine..And at some point he turned and whispered in my ear "Hey, do you mind my arm there?" I don't know how or why, but I guess that's the point where I fell in love with him. I don't know if he was being flirty or just getting comfortable, but I certainly felt the vibe right then.He's really confusing. One day he gives me full attention, the other he just says hi, the other he makes it seem as if I don't even exist...It's damn confusing! I don't blame him though, I do that too,because I don't want to show my feelings easily (damn being a scorpio! he's a capricorn by the way, even though I don't really believe in all that..).One of friends told me something about him I did not like at all..and that's why I started ignoring him a little. When I told her that I like him, she said something like "Who, him? Be careful, because he's rumoured to be a play boy and has had flings with a lot of girls from our class. That's why you see him switching friends so fast.I refused to believe it, because he seemed to be such a sweet and caring person..He doesn't talk much and appears to be more like the mysterious type that might be acting ok but truly isn't. I asked another friend of mine who has hanged out with him and his friends before and she said that he's actually a reserved emotional guy who wouldn't just grab a random girl and hit on her...I actually trust her judgement more because she knows him more than I do..and I really hope she's right..After my other friend told me that about him, I was a bit suspicious, and I did something stupid..After a class he went up to me and we were talking and suddenly he went like "Hey, what are you doing now?" and at that point my mind was so stuffed with things that I answered "Oh, I'm really tired..I was thinking of going home and taking a nap!" and he went like "Oh. Well, sleep tight!"....That was so damn stupid of me. He could have wanted to ask if we could go somewhere together...Meh. So stupid.After that he acted even more cold towards me. We still said hi and everything, but it wasn't like before..And when I tried to start a conversation with him, he was more reserved and stuff...It got even more confusing when a few days later he came and sat next to me again all of the sudden, leaving his best friend sitting far behind.Ugh! It's been driving me crazy..I'm always sweet to him and everything, and I've kind of showed him that I like him (or maybe not enough..) and he gives me all these mixed signs that have been driving me nuts! I just dont know what the hell is in his head anymore.It's the holidays now, and I'm back in my hometown and so is he, and I'm thinking of taking the initiative and texting him to go out sometime...Do you think that would be okay?? Maybe it would be awkward? Ugh, I hate sounding so clueless and desperate but I really like this guy and I don't want to mess up even more...And also, from what I described, do you think he could like me as well?Any advice, pretty please, with cherry on top?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, 11muds11  +, writes (24 December 2010):
Since nobody else has answered I'll try and help.Think of it from a guy's perspective. You keep saying you're not showing your feelings and you're shy. He likes you a lot, so he's doing everything to woooh you...like making you feel great....then not calling. Just like what you're doing by not showing you're feelings. Most guys like a shy girls because of this. So everything is good there.He knows what he's doing. So I suspect he's at least somewhat of a ladies's man.The thing is: Almost every guy is a ladies man at some point in their life - especially ay University. It's a good thing so that when he gets married one day and needs to woo your wife to make her happier, he knows what he's doing. No problems. He's into you and trying to attract you, but is he doing it to get you, or just to bed you? In many ways guys do it for both reasons and it's up to the girl to let him know what kind of relationship she wants. If you think he's boyfriend material, then after your first kiss, simply don't sleep with him for a while until he's really earned it but encourage him to keep trying. If he's only trying to sleep with you, then you'll know and he'll give up. Point solved.So if you go into it knowing that you are in control of yourself, then I think it's no problem to send him a friendly text and to open up a bit more. If he's really into you, he'll love it. I hope this helps. Good luck!
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