A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Me and my ex was together for 8 years until 4 weeks ago when we finished. We had our ups and downs but we had a good life and had worked hard for everything that we have got. My ex said I became to clingy and made her feel unloved, unwanted and unattractive as I struggle showing affection. Things had been bad for about 8 months I have been having problems etc with work and had been getting really down and taking it out on my ex. The week before we finished a guy added her on Facebook and started flirting with her etc and she said she had her head turned. 5 days after we split she jumped into bed with him which is not like her. They have met up about 5 times since our split she says neither of them want anything it's just a bit of fun and unattached sex, but they constantly text each other and ring though? My ex says she's enjoying her freedom again and doesn't want a relationship. We are still living together due to mortgage commitments and neither can afford to leave so we are sleeping in separate bedrooms. My ex keeps giving me mixed signals and says she still finds me attractive etc and when we talk she stares deep into my eyes. We had a massive row 2 nights ago about this new guy and I left and stayed out the night, I returned in the morning to find her in my bed on my side cuddling my pillow, I asked what she was doing and she said it's comfier than the spare bed! She blows hot and cold with me all the time 1 minute she's really nice and the next she's cold and nasty! We agreed to have no contact and try to stay out of each others way for a while and 4 hours later she texts about something random and that night when I came home I said I was going upstairs out the way to watch a film and she followed and asked could she come to, she got in my bed and said I've missed my side of the bed a d this bedroom so much.She went out for her birthday and texted me saying can we talk when she gets home so I agreed, she returned drunk she stripped and got in my bed and cuddled me and kept saying this feels so good, we cuddled for at least 1/2 hr and then she got upset saying where did we go wrong etc and she still loves me I was her everything,we was so connected we didn't even have to speak we just knew what each other thought and she loved that. She said i helped shape half the person that she is and she thinks about me all the time and she does love me but we can't get back together because I drained her being needy and you can't go back you can only go forward?! She kissed me and then said I need to go get in the spare bed it's not fair to stay in here and off she went. The next night she asked if she could sleep in my bed and I agreed and we spent the night cuddling nothing happened but she was in just her knickers! She said that even tho shes nasty with me sometimes its because shes confused and her heads messed up! She spent the next day with me and then went all funny on me saying she had spent to much time with me and went off in a mood? I have arranged to go out with friends this Saturday and she asked if she could come so I said yes she keeps saying how excited she is and has been an bought a new dress ready. All the meanwhile tjis new guy is tecting and calling her!!I don't know where I stand with her and it's driving me insane!! I'm not showing her that's it's getting to me and I'm just acting cool. Do you think she still loves me or is she just playing with my head?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2011): I appreciate both your comments and kind of agree Im just scared of walking away and shutting the door on her if there's the slightest chance of her wanting to come back. She's really stubborn and will not chase!
She said last night as I've lost quite a bit of weight and have been hitting the gym since the split that I'm looking really good and thst she still finds me attractive?
I've caught her looking at me a few times now.
Maybe im just desperately clinging on to hope and maybe she Is just messing with my head??
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2011): I appreciate both your comments and kind of agree Im just scared of walking away and shutting the door on her if there's the slightest chance of her wanting to come back. She's really stubborn and will not chase!
She said last night as I've lost quite a bit of weight and have been hitting the gym since the split that I'm looking really good and thst she still finds me attractive?
I've caught her looking at me a few times now.
Maybe im just desperately clinging on to hope and maybe she Is just messing with my head??
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A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (28 September 2011):
 You are allowing her to mess with your head. If you are going to continue to live with eachother, you are going to have to set some boundaries.
For starters, get a lock on your bedroom door.
Second, go hang out with YOUR buddies and do not invite her to tag along. She is no longer your gf and you are permittign her to act like you are going on a date!
Teach her how to treat you as a friend. She may be confused, but that is her issue to figure out, not yours.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 September 2011):
 To be honest I don't think she knows what she wants. I think she is confused at the moment and she keeps changing her mind. It really is not healthy to be living with your ex. This is going to cause lots of trouble for the both of you. You need to sit down and talk to her and make sure that it is over properly between the both of you. If it is well then the both of you need to start looking in to selling the house paying back the mortgage and going your separate ways. This needs to be done before you both end up confused and even more hurt. So talk to her.
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