A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, firstly this is my question;I don't know what to do. In the very begining of my relatonship with my BF, if im being honest he wasnt the best and even he will say that now too. He never wanted to text a lot or see each other and he put this down to bad experiences with his ex who he was constantly with and he eventually ended up having no friends. a few months down the line things started to slowly change and he has told me that he was scared of being himself 100% with me in case i hurt him like she did.But, everything like that has changed. He is a competely different person and I love him so much, I just have a problem with his flat mate now, who he has just moved in with a few months ago. his flat mate is a nice guy but at first it was his gf i had problems with when she used to come over to stay or when she was out with us. she said my bf was hot and that she wanted drum lessons from him and then when saying goodbye to her he gave her a small cuddle and she bit his neck. This mad me angry and after that i just dont like her. I feel like she is innappropriate at times and ... well if i bit her bfs neck im sure she would b angry too!i gave my bf a lot of grief after that cause whenever she said anything innappropriate he would tell me and i would moan at him and get annoyed, i guess i was being jealous cause i love him and i dont want anyone else trying to mess anything up.So his flat mate is an alright guy but ive noticed that when my bf is around him the lovey doveyness stops and he acts all manly round him and says women jokes to me which i know is joke, but i dont get it. he sometmes says sex jokes to him too. he says he feels different towards his flatmate though, he says it feels like he is the only close friend he has at the moment. Which really bugs me is the fact that my bf doesnt like his gf (the flirty one) and says that she treats him like shit and that he never seems happy with her. so he doesnt like acting lovey dovey in front of him cause he feels like he is rubbing it in his face also when he is with me he doesnt tell his flat mate this he just says he is busy and when i asked him why he does it he said that he doesnt want to say that to him cause he feels bad and doesnt want to gloat. i guess i still hold a slight grudge with everything he was like when we first started going out although he is 100% himself with me now. i just feel like i dont trust him, he annoys me the way he acts with his flat mate bt i dont see what our relationship has got to do with him, if he is unhappy he should dump her. there are in band together, at uni and share a flat and i just dont like the way he is with him and then i also have the gf saying what she likes to him (he never returns the compliments, never) and all her bf says if that she is like that with everyone, i just feel angry all the time with these things and i dont ever want to loose him, what should i do ?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2011): Young guys don't want to look like wusses in front of their friends and that's all this is. He can't be lovey dovey or he won't be viewed as a man in front of other guys. When he matures, he'll mellow out some but it generally takes men until their 40's to be comfortable enough with their feminine, affectionate side in front of their close friends. He has one friend and he's not going to blow it. This is NOT about the girl.
Please try and be understanding and don't pressure him to or it will emasculate him and he'll distance himself from you.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 September 2011):
 Your boyfriend just doesn't want to be lovey dovey in front of his flat mare. A lot of people are like this. At the end of the day he probably just doesn't want to be affectionate unless you are both alone which can be normal for young guys. As for this other girl well you shouldn't be taking it out on your boyfriend it is not his fault. Just ignore her, it sounds like she is just trying to annoy you and if she knows she is succeeding well she will keep doing it so just ignore her and don't let her come in between you both. Talk to him and tell him how you are feeling. Try and spend some quality time together alone. But if you don't trust him maybe it is time to accept that you should not be with him.
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